Pool Couture

I never go to the pool without wearing sunglasses.
This is not to protect my eyes, although that is a nice side bonus.
This is so I can people watch, without looking like a creeper.

There is some good people-watching at the pool.

And it needs to be said:
"What in the @#!% are some people thinking?"

I could wear a bikini to the pool.
But three things prevent me from doing so:

A full-length mirror...and two little things called "my eyes."

There are many things that are better off for everybody when they are covered up.

There are, however, quite a herd of larger-sized folks who come to the community pool very scantily clad.
I am thinking that when you lose the back strap of your bikini because it is buried in flesh...it is probably time to start shopping in the one-piece suit section.
Just my opinion.
I get that some people want an "all-over body tan" but sometimes, that is just asking too much of the sun.

And don't get me started on the guy last week strutting his stuff in a Speedo.
This is Utah County, dude.
Conservative-ville, USA.
Not Europe.
I don't even know where he would have purchased that banana hammock.
I know good and well they are not in this weeks Target ad.

That being said, is there nothing worse than putting on your swimsuit for the first time of the season?
All your insecurities come back, along with the summer mosquitoes.
Suddenly, I haven't done near enough lunges.
I actually have to shave my legs further than my kneecaps.
My toes are seriously uglier than I remembered, and no amount of funky polish is going to make up for them.
I have a suit with a skirt.
Judge if you must, but the skirt seems shorter- my stretch marked thighs are way more exposed than I thought...maybe tanning them will camouflage that?

I am waiting patiently for this to catch on:

It will be a glorious day for everyone.