CHA and Celebrities

Truth be told, I am not really that into celebrities.
Well, I guess it depends.
I would probably be really into Bobby Flay, or Paula Deen. But only if they cooked me something.
It is all about me.
What can a celebrity do for me?
Adam Sandler-you make me laugh.
Bradley Cooper-you make my eyes happy.
If they are just a name, then for pete sake...move along.

David Tutera gave me a book, and signed it.
He signed it "To Shaunte, Dream Bigger."
He must know me pretty well.
I have pretty pathetic "dreams."
To watch a movie with my family, on my own couch, without marinating in their farts.
To have a clean fridge.
To not need my tweezers so desperately.
I guess I really do need to work on Dreaming Bigger!

David Tutera was orange.
One would think one of his minions would have seen that, and toned down the bronzer.

But what do I know?
The lighting in the convention center was tricky.
It made his teeth look really, really white.
So white, in fact, that I told him.
"You must be really glad you did White Strips, with all these people taking pictures of you."
And immediately after I said it, I wanted to suck the words back into my mouth.
He kinda gave a nervous giggle, and told me I "was charming."
I think that was a nice way of saying "you are embarrassing, and a dumb-crap."
David Tutera called me charming!
(I feel a little like Donkey in Shrek "She called me a Steed!")

Let's move on, shall we?
The cute girl in the photo with David is Sara Davies.
She is the Martha Stewart of the UK.
She was truly awesome.
She had a delightful accent.
I could listen to delightful accents all day.

Next up was Tori Spelling.
I never did watch 90210 much. Mostly because my parents thought it was trashy. We watched a lot of "Little House on the Prairie."
Here is the crowd gathering for Tori:

Tori was very specific about how things were going to roll.
She wanted tables moved and posters taken down.
We had to do some prep work in the booth prior to her arrival.
Also, I am not sure how I fell into the job of crowd control, but I had to keep people back from her stage, and keep the aisle clear.
I was a bouncer.
It was awesome.
I didn't have to kick anyone's ass, but I felt up to the calling.

Here is where I can't wrap my brain around how the other half lives.
Tori was very specific about everything.
Like the car that would pick her up. (Escalade Limo)
Like the chilled drinks that would be available (San Pellegrino Limonata, in bottles)
And she requested a suite at the Marriott to get ready in.

Also, her hair and make-up cost $1700.00. Cash.
Internets, we are in the wrong business.
We need to brush up on our french-braiding skills, and get us some bobby pins!

The guy in this picture with Tori, she called her "gusband."
I had to ask around. I had no idea what she was saying.
Apparently that is the term for "Gay Husband."
Did you know this?
Now you do.
Tori was there to debut her line of jewelry.
It really is a cool concept. There are mix and match elements, that you can put together how you like. It doesn't require tools. And you can switch things out whenever you want. Dress them up, or dumb them down.
After her demonstration, she hung out and signed things, and then she had her hair done again, and met us at the reception.
She had bodyguards.
And wore fancy stiletto shoes that she took off exactly 30 seconds after arriving at the reception.
The bodyguard held them for her for the rest of the evening.
Her hair was in a floppy up-do.

I just don't get the celebrity lifestyle.
But then again, I have moral dilemmas over stupid things like frivolously buying a new package of hair elastics at $3.69, when I could probably just clean out underneath the bed and find some.
I would literally choke to death on my own cheapness to have to pay someone to do my hair, or hold my shoes for me.

I blame my parents.
I think it was all those years of being brain-washed by "Little House on the Prairie."
Half-pint never got new clothes!
She didn't need new clothes!
Her patchwork gingham was good enough!
It made me "un-fancy" watching that stuff.

Here are some random parting shots:
Me working the Make-and-Takes:

Chicks who thought they were on the Victoria's Secret runway:

Kelly and her photog skills coming into play here:
The lady who collected all the free buttons, and attached them to her homemade button banner, and then wore them with pride:

The frog hat lady, who incidentally, because Kelly is *that* good, posed like a frog when the photo was taken:

Bag-pipers. Because every convention worth it's salt should have bagpipers. Why? Because they friggin' CAN!

And my first flash-mob.
Which is just as awkward as you would imagine it is.

Painful to watch, and you could tell by the looks on the faces of those that were involved, they immediately regretted their decision. It sounded fun, and practice was fun...but now, live, not fun, but already committed.
Like caroling.


Here is a restaurant we ate at:

It was like being in an I-Spy book.
Except that this was hanging over my head:

and this:

 Let's go in close, mmmm'kay...

I didn't eat much there.
You try to eat with that stuff staring you down!

And my favorite Kelly shot of the show!
Here is April doing the fake-pose-so-we-can-take-an-inconspicuous-picture:

Oh, Hi April! Hey! What is going on behind you?
A man dressed in drag, with platform stilettos?
Lets crop in, shall we?

Fantastic.
And that, my friends, concludes my trip to CHA 2012.