The Dance Festival

Since this blog is essentially my personal journal, occasionally y'all get some posts like this one, that aren't exactly entertaining unless they are your kids.

Kinda the same concept as no one likes to see your vacation pictures.

You can skip over this one if you want to.

This is the elementary school dance festival.
Usually we miss it.
We spend Memorial Day weekend at a cabin in Idaho. The dance festival usually falls in the same week.

The kids have always acted a little relieved to be missing the festival. We are not a very dance oriented family. We have no redeeming moves to speak of. And very little coordination. Makes us hard dance pupils. Anyway...

This year we opted out of the cabin, and are planning another destination next week.
So the kids participated in the dance festival.

Now, back in the day, the dance festival was about as long and painful as an insurance seminar.
Things have changed!
It lasted a mere sixty minutes this year, tops!
I was pleasantly surprised.
The theme of this years' festival was "Super Heroes!"
Each grade was some type of hero.
Some were harder to make out than others...
Also, things moved so quickly, that when the fourth graders came out to perform,

I was in a panic trying to find the twins so I could get a picture.
That first picture? Doesn't even have any of my kids in it. But it is the fourth grade...their Super Hero was some lightning dude.
I only got one of Shayne:

And I finally spotted Shianne, and got a couple quick ones of her.
Did I mention we have four kids in elementary this year?
It's a lot of sack lunches.

Fourth grade is hard.
They try way too hard to be cool.

Shianne was clearly embarrassed to be seen with...what is that? Toilet paper around her head? Super Hero toilet paper.

Ah, now she is getting into it:

She was clear across the playground.
They say a mother's love is equal to the size of her camera lens.
This is mine:

And that is not even zoomed out.
I have alot of love.
It allows me to sit on my duff, and get pictures from anywhere.
It also allows me to get pictures that my fifth grader doesn't know I am taking...

He complained all week long.
"The dance festival is stoooopid. Check me out of school! I don't want to even do it."
Looks like he hated it, eh?:

It was super hard for him to act like Spider, um, guy. Homemade black yarn webbed shirt and all...

Then for our Kindergartner...now, seriously, can Kindergartners be any cuter?
Here they are lining up.

I am certain someone told them to be an arm's length apart.
They took this very seriously.

Good little soldiers.
Super Heroes are strong!

And they can flyyyyyyyyyy!

And they are also out of school in three short days.

These better be some cute pants.

I almost died (again) the other night at the gym.
It was so hot.
I had a heartbeat in my face...

I should probably back up and say that I am still wearing my winter sweatpants to the gym.

I am sure that was most of my problem.
The rest of the world has embraced summer with tank tops, me...not so much.
I don't want to be duped into enjoying the weather until Mother Nature decides to put the snow machine in storage.

Anyway, yesterday, I stopped into Ross, and found the cutest stinking workout capri's!
They are made out of that slickery sleeping bag fabric, and they have cargo pockets.
They are also mesh vented.
When I tried them on in the dressing room, some chick told me they made my butt look tiny.

That was all I needed to hear.

I think stores would find it in their best interest to pay someone to hang out in the dressing room, and just tell ladies that their bums looked good in things.

Sales would go up five hundred thousand percent.

Of course I bought them.
In navy.

And then I got home, and really wanted the black ones too.
Okay, people, here is where I have always been the biggest dork.
These pants were ten bucks.
Yep. Ten singles.
Two fivers...or 40 quarters.
The latter of which I could probably find in the cushions of my couch RIGHT NOW.
And I have this inner dialog:
"You don't need two pairs of those pants."
"But they fit goooooood..."
"Yeah, but one pair is good enough, there will be other pants."

I drive myself crazy.

I couldn't stop thinking about them.
So I called Sam and had him pick up the black pair on his way home from work.

I had to guide him in on the cellphone.
"They are on a rack called "Active Bottoms," it is in the back of the store."
"They are black, with a pink stripe..."
Anyway, he bought them. He is a good man.

So, I rip the tags off this morning, and slide into them.
Here is where women's clothing is the craps...

He bought me the same size, but in a different color, right?
Well, they don't fit the same.
What is that?!

They are a tad bit tighter, especially across the rump.
I don't be needin' that in pump class when I do my dead-lifts.

So today I was on a quest!
To try on all the pants in the store in that same size to find the magic pair that fits like the navy ones.

Please tell me you have done this with women's clothes?
Why would the same style and same size fit differently?
WHY??!!!

Well, they were out, anyway.
That is the thing with Ross. You have to buy it if you like it, cause it's gonna be gone and never be re-stocked.

So I drag poor Mikayla to the Ross in Orem this morning.
Nothing.
And since we were on the freeway anyway, I also went to the Draper Ross.
Surely I would find some there?
Nope.

I bought Mikayla a Happy Meal and dropped her off to school.
And took my same pants home.

I guess I am keeping them.
I might lose five pounds?

So basically I wasted a whole morning, which cost me about ten bucks in gas, and another Kidzbop CD.
Awesome.

A true story.

Once upon a time, a well-intentioned lady made baked beans for lunch.
These were to go with the marinated chicken breasts, barbecued to perfection.
The lady had a husband.
The husband liked the beans.
"Those are good beans!" he said.
"Thank you." she replied.
(Burying the Bush's can deep into the trash, as she had previously always served homemade beans from her grandma's recipe file.)
Fast forward to dinner.
"Are there more of those good beans?" the husband hungrily asked.
"Why, yes!" the beaming lady cried.
And served him up a healthy portion.
Fast forward to bedtime.
The husband filled the house with toxic farts.
The lady died.

The End.

Stuff on Sunday

Stuff I will miss someday.
The girls taking all the "orphan kids" to the movies:

The boys hiding out in their blanket forts:

Sometimes kids are cool.

Stuff I have been liking:

Dreyer's Fruit Bars
Especially the coconut flavor and the lime flavor.
Plus, they are like 80 calories each.
Thinking about making a kids art gallery for one of my walls.
I like this:

Or this:

I have also been liking that school is out for summer in a couple of weeks.
I know I will regret this short-lived happiness after they have been home for about three days, but for right now, I am so sick of signing off homework sheets, and looking for library books, and packing lunches...
It will be nice to have late nights, and sleep in days.
And hanging out more with goofy guys like this:

Chicken Salad

Here is one of my favorite summer recipes.
I think it must be chick food.
I can usually get my family to eat it once...and then I am eating the leftovers every day for lunch for like a whole week straight.

It makes a lot.

It is good for a couple of days, and then the craisins swell up, and the cashews get soggy.

If you have leftovers, invite some girlfriends over.
They will appreciate it.

Chicken Salad
1 rotisserie chicken (pick the meat off and chop it up)
1 lb diced celery (I use the leaves too)
1 c. craisins
1 c. chopped cashews

Dressing:
1 qt mayo (you will use almost the whole thing, I used fat free and it was great)
1 T. onion powder
1 T. sugar
1 t. salt
1 1/2 t. pepper
1/2 t. curry powder

Mix all ingredients together with a couple cups of the mayo. Fold into salad. Add more mayo if it looks dry.

Slice open croissants and stuff with salad.
Eat.

Thank You McDonalds.

Thanks to the latest Happy Meals I purchased, McDonalds has given me yet another reason to hate them.

KidzBop.

Oh my holy hellllllll.

How is it possible to ruin "Hey There Delilah" or "Pon De Replay?"
I will tell you how it is possible.

Have some screechy group of pre-pubescent kids of unknown sex belt it out.
Record it.
And then give these CD's out FREE! in Happy! Meals!

My kids think they are a treasure and need to be played over and over.
And over.
Loudly.

My Mother's Day

Here we are, the traditional Mother's Day photo AKA the only photo I am in during a calendar year.
I need a cut and color...
And it is a heads only shot, as true to Wadley style, 33 seconds after we walk in the door from church everyone has stripped and changed into pajama pants.

I actually had a really good day this year.
Sam and I will celebrate our 15th anniversary this year.
After 15 years, he nailed it!
I got my nap.
And at some point during the week before Mothers Day, he took the kids to the dollar store to pick out gifts for me.
I don't need gifts.
But I want my kids to learn how to be thoughtful.
They definitely had me in mind when they picked out the presents.
Brendan picked out the BBQ skewers.
"They are for meat." he said
"Meat for the grill. And I guess fruit and stuff."
"Make sure you only use them for MEAT..."
"For the grill."

This said like a tentative parent gifting a child their first pocketknife.

He could see in my eyes that I had already conjured up a million uses for long-metal pronged handled stick.
"GO CLEAN THE PLAYROOM!!" (jab! jab!)
(brandishing stick wildly)
"GO GET ME SOME COOKIES!" (jab! jab!)
Brendan and I think alike.

Mikayla got me my favorite teeth-rotting candy.
Sugar Babies.
And Chocolate Covered Sugar Babies.
Who knew those existed?
Maybe only at Dollar Tree?
And since she has given them to me, she has asked me seventeen times "when are you going to open those candies."
They taunt her.

I got the usual menagerie of handmade cards and pictures.
The cards containing coupons with non-committal promises:
"this coupon entitles you to ___me tickling your back for one minute_____.
"I will ____brush my teeth____for you for one week."
"I will_____not complain about dinner______for you."
I never tire of those...

And Sam got all the kids to bed, and gave me a no strings attached (if you catch my drift) massage while I watched the Food Network.

How kick-butt was that?
I am a lucky momma.

Happy Pre-Mother's Day

I am preparing early.

Mother's Day dinner. Check!
(pasta salad, deviled eggs, and stuff ready for the BBQ grill.)
Gifts for my Mom and MIL. Check!
Cards for above. Check!
Church lesson. Check!
Cards for my Young Women to give to their moms. Check!
Clean house. Check!
(as clean as we get here...)
Clean van. Check!
(the kids were all too excited to put on their swim suits and smear the dirt around.)

I might actually have a good day tomorrow!

Last year, I wrote Haiku's. HERE.

Here was my rant from 2007. HERE.

I have a history of crappy Mother's Days.
This year I am determined to have a good day!
I am practicing the art of positive thinking.

I WILL BE GRATEFUL!
I WILL BE APPRECIATED!
I WILL FEEL LOVED!
I WILL HAVE A NAP!

I will report back.

Raising my glass of Fresca to all the moms out there...
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Hope it is a good one for you.

"The story of a mother's life: Trapped between a scream and a hug."
--Cathy Guisewite

Score!

I already got three of the presents on my "Things I Want for Mother's Day" list.
And it's not even Mother's Day!
(((Squeal!)))

First of all...we went to Costco, and Sam said, "Hey, while we are here, why don't we go look at that camcorder you have been wanting?"
So we looked.
And he bought.

Since he was mindlessly shelling out ca$h- I ran into Roberts Crafts and couponed up that scrapbook tool I wanted.

Then, feeling a little high on the generosity of my normally conservative husband, I approached him with the idea of the tummy-tuck, to which he replied:

"Pshaw, you DON'T even NEED a tummy tuck."

That lie, my blog-friends, was a gift in itself.

Big plans.

I get to go to the dentist tomorrow.

We went for our family check-up, and I am assuming that my dentist is planning on purchasing a new luxury boat this summer, and needed us to pick up the down payment for it.

We have between us all nine cavities.

They suggested that I also get a crown.
A crown for a tooth that DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A CAVITY IN IT.
Granted, it has a hairline crack, and might break at any time...but...for the love of all that is holy!
I do not want another crown.
I still have sweaty nightmares about the last one.

In other news...
Stuff I have been liking lately:
Kraft Roasted Red Pepper Italian Vinaigrette.
Almost makes me like salad again.
We broke up for a while, salad and I, when I was really being good about Weight Watchers.
I felt like a rabbit.
I am back on the wagon now.
This dressing helps make it easier to be a rabbit.

Boca Burgers.
Specifically these Bruschetta flavored ones.

And they are under 100 calories each.
Slap that patty on an English muffin and you are under 250 calories and very full.
For real.

Why are my newsworthy things to report always FOOD?

Also this:

The sun.

Making an occasional appearance in Utah lately.
Much appreciated.
On the to-do list this week:

1- Pick up the fixed dishwasher.
2- Stop eating everything off of foam plates.
3- Send Sam to Bowling! Nationals!
4- Send Brendan to Scout camp-out.
5- Buy myself some Mother's Day Gifts.

I have been eyeing THIS.
And THIS.
Two of THESE.
And THESE.

At the very least, THIS.
Or THIS.
What are you doing this week?
And what is on your Mother's Day wish list?

Meet my new niece.

This is Kathleen Elizabeth.
She will go by Katie. Or maybe Katy.

Either way, I think my sister made a pretty cute baby.
They say her husband helped too, but it doesn't look like it.
This baby is a clone of Shay.
I remember when Shay was a baby.
It is a little weird to look at Baby Katie, and see so much of her mother in her.
I hope she grows up just as bratty...
Every mom should have a kid just like them.

Baby Katie is not bratty.
She is very nice.
And photogenic.

She cries sometimes:

I don't blame her.
Remember these guys?

They are her older twin brothers.
Eighteen months old now.

They love her so much.
Like Lennie from "Of Mice and Men."
Good luck, Shay.

I'm taking the biggest nap ever.

I think my talk went well today.
I could not be more thrilled that it is over.
I was anxious and sick to my stomach this whole week...

I weighed in at Weight Watchers for the month on Saturday.
I was down two pounds.
Speaking in church is not the best diet plan ever, but it does work.

To be Six...

My baby had her sixth birthday this week.
Six?
She is SIX!!
I am pretty sure I just brought her home from the hospital.
Man, it sure goes fast.
I was actually glad to have her birthday finally here.
She has been counting down since Christmas.
The morning of her birthday she informed me that she wanted to wear a Princess crown to school.
So, feeding into her already ridiculously spoiled self, she and I went out and bought one before dropping her off to Kindergarten.
She bounced into school, like she usually does...a half skip/dance, and I noticed for the first time how long her legs have gotten.

As is tradition in our family, she got to choose where we ate dinner that night.
She chose (up)Chuck E. Cheese.
It is too bad that place is closed. (wink, wink)
She settled on Panda Express.
With a side order of Fruity Pebbles.

I love how easy six is.

She greeted everyone in the neighborhood with "It's my Birthday today, did you get me a present?"

I might have to try that one this year.

In other news, I think I have my church talk written.
I am still sick about it.
I will be so happy Sunday night, when it is all over.

It's funny how in life, sometimes days go slowly, but the years go by so fast.

Just say no.

Today I had an out-of-body experience.

A member of the Bishopric pulled me aside after sacrament meeting and asked me if I would speak in church next week.

My mind said "No."
Followed by a maniacal laugh and a long string of expletives.

My stomach actually got sick.
That "instantly" sick I have only read about, but didn't think existed.

And then, it was like I was floating above my body, (looking at my super-cute new necklace) and watched my traitor mouth tell him "Yes!"

What the crap?
Can I plead temporary insanity or something?
Maybe that is the reason I have gained weight lately too.
Cause traitor mouth waits until I am asleep and heads on down to the fridge for a snacky-snack.

I guess this is what I get for drawing attention to myself with a color-popping accessory like they told me to do in last month's Glamour.

I am going to have diarrhea all week.

Lobster Family, party of seven.

When I saw the weather forecast for Utah this last week, I cried.
I gnashed my teeth, and shook my fist at the sky!!

It was Spring Break for my kids, and all five of them would be home for the entire week.

Mother Nature was sending us snow.
Yep.
SNOW.
In April.

What a weird way to kick me when I am already down...more SNOW.
So we did what any free flight scoring family would do...
We got the "H" outta here.

We went to San Diego.
Where the sun still shines.

The first day was a little chilly, but we still went to the beach.
You know why?

CAUSE WE COULD.
And that night my Dad called and told me that we had made the right decision, cause it was snowing back at home.
You wanna see what we missed?

(I stole this picture off of my cousin Kim's blog, thanks Kim!)
Meanwhile, since snow is for suckers, this is what we were doing:

The boys built some mean sand castles.

The girls modeled the latest in seaweed sarongs.

Sam and I just hung out.
Watching the kids, and talking.
This was our attempt at a photo together.
Sam is mature like that.

That evening, we hooked up with our good friends, the Sadleirs who live in San Diego.
We have been friends with them since before we were married.
We had our kids at about the same time.
They have a daughter who is Jayden's age.
They kinda have a little thang going on.
And how cool would it be if the thang panned out, and we ended up related?
I can see the beauty of arranged marriages...
This is a layout I did three years ago of the two kids.
The bottom right hand photo is from when they were both just toddlers.
Their first kiss...
Awwwwww.

Here they are yesterday:
That slightly awkward, trying so hard to be cool, and NOT act like you like each other.
All the while both sets of parents mocking them.
This is one of the true joys of parenting.
The mocking.

The next day, we got up to spend the day at the beach.
I got up and went to the hotel gym.
Shut-up.
I know!
But I really wanted a guilt-free belgium waffle for breakfast.

We ate, and headed out for the beach.
It was warmer than the day before.
It was cool enough though, that we thought we didn't need sunscreen.
Besides, we were only staying for a couple of hours...

The wind was blowing, and it was slightly overcast.
The sun was really attracted to the pasty white folks.
With no sunscreen.
Not.
Making.
That.
Mistake.
Again.
We are all a beautiful shade of coral.
And one giant leap closer to skin cancer.
I realize that as parents, Sam and I are complete and utter morons.

Once we were nice and crispy, we took a drive down to La Jolla, and saw all the Pelicans?

(Big ugly birds.)
And the Sea Lions.

(Big Ugly Mini-Manatees.)
Then the kids explored the tide pools.
Covered in shirts and jackets.

They saw crabs and poked sticks into sea anemones to watch them close up.
Then we left for home.

The flight was a little painful on scorched backs and bottoms.

Glad to be home!
With Aloe Vera.

Sproing Break.

As part of our Girls Week while the boys were with Sam in Moab, I took Shianne and Mikayla over to "Jump On It."

This is a fun house type place that is stuffed into a warehouse in an industrial park.

They filled the warehouse with trampolines.

The trampolines are butted up against each other with cheap rugs and towels covering the metal outer rims of the tramps.

There are even a few trampolines leaned up against the walls, on the sides, so you can really crack your ankle good....AT AN ANGLE.

There are safety nets enclosing the area so you don't go sproinging off onto the cement floor.
Sproinging.
I bet that slips past spell check.

This whole adventure is a broken bone waiting to happen.
I already know of three kids who have ended up in the emergency room after a short visit to "Jump On It."

I am quite sure that this place is secretly sponsored by Selectmed.

It is still a really popular place, and was jam packed when we arrived in the early afternoon.

Like most tramp places, they charge by the hour, (<--see what I did there?) and I figured as soon as I hit the front door, that an hour was about all I was going to be able to take.

It smelled like feet.
And a spicy undertone of butt.

It was very loud.

My girls had their shoes and socks off before I could hastily scrawl their names on the "do not sue us" waiver.
Off they ran, half-crazed with glee!
Needless to say, the lighting was just as craptastic as the decor.

But since I am no longer concerned about getting good photos for scrapbooking, I really didn't care.
I wasn't even going to take pictures at all, until Mikayla asked me to.
What do you say when your kids ASK to be photographed?
You oblige.
Lucky the point and shoot was stuffed into the purse, covered in gum wrappers.

I sat back on the only chair up inside of the Dome of Death.
I was getting pummelled by foam balls.
It was going to be a long hour.
Until....
THIS.

There is a weight limit posted at "Jump On It."
Apparently they are a little lax on enforcing said limit.
This dude jumped heartily, and took the trampoline right down to the cement.
Sweaty Eddie just stood there.
In a hole.

Pretty soon, this dude on the staff came half running, and half skip-jumping over to the hole with some yellow hazard tape and some 2x4's to rope the busted up trampoline off with.

It took him about an hour to replace the trampoline.

In the mean time, everyone just sort-of jumped around the taped-off hole.
Sweaty Eddie felt compelled to confess to me, in my chair, and mention that he had busted through a trampoline.
(Like the whole place didn't already know.)

He said this with a measure of pride in his voice.

I told him I was sure glad it was a MAN that had happened to, because I am not sure if a woman---any woman would survive the self-esteem blow it would be to take down a trampoline.

I thanked him for the entertainment.

After my girls were good and worn out we left.

Good times had by all.

Too much of a good thing.

Costco avocados are far superior to the mangy grocery store versions.
They are large, and don't have a million "squeeze" bruises, from other shoppers.

The problem is, you have to buy them in a bag of six.
The whole bag is usually not quite ripe.
And then...they all ripen at the same time.

Last time this happened, we took that trip to Nauvoo.
Our flight left at the butt-crack of dawn, so at the last minute, I stuffed our avocados in the neighbor's mailbox.

I was sad.
I really wanted to eat them.

This time, Sam and I have been checking the avocados daily.
Dreaming of avocado sandwiches...

He left for Moab on Tuesday.
We have been waiting for them to get ripe for four days!

I wonder if really old people dare to even buy them?

Anyway, guess what?
They all got ripe yesterday.

Now I have six avocados to eat BY MYSELF.
I have been having a sandwich for lunch, and for dinner.
I have busted through 1 1/2 of them.

I really wish they would have spaced themselves out.

They are delish, but the pressure I am feeling from trying not to waste them almost overshadows the joy.

And speaking of too much of a good thing...I have kept the girls home from school for a "home" vacation, because the boys are gone to Moab with Sam.

It wasn't my best idea. (<--She says smiling through clenched teeth.)

Planning on a good week.

Remember how I quit scrapbooking?

Yeah, well I got a couple of cool, couldn't pass up, offers this last week.
I guess I am like the Michael Jordan of scrapbooking.
I retire.
I come back.
I retire again.
I try another hobby that I suck at.
And eventually I do commercials for Hanes.
Hanes? Call me!

Sam is taking the boys to Moab this week.
Annually, they head off for the hills to participate in Jeep! Safari! Week!
This event is basically an arena to roll your $30,000 jacked-up vehicle down the side of a mountain, with a beer-chugging crowd cheering you on.
But there are free tee-shirts!
Free bumper stickers.
Free Antenna balls.
And one very price-inflated hotel in town.

This hotel has a hot-tub, and a pool.
The whole greasy town comes in off the red dirt trails, covered with dust...and dunk themselves into the water.
By day two of Jeep! Safari! the water looks like Hot Cocoa.

Every year, my kids come home sporting bags of useless free swag, and ear infections.

Me and the girls stay home for a Girl's! Week!
I am anticipating a relaxing, (school sluffing) time.
Free of farting.
Free of Halo.
Free of Justice League.

There will be pedicures, and manicures.
Some fondue dipping and Twilight viewing.
There may even be a trip into the big city to The Mall.

It's going to be KRAZY. With a K.

In other news, I got a new cell phone.
I can't figure it out.
The owners manual is two inches thick.
I have been fumbling around with it, and learning very slowly.
Nothing makes me feel more like an old fart than new technology.
I still default back to my old phone for things like the alarm clock.

And speaking of old fart, I just discovered Malt O' Meal Maple and Brown Sugar.

Thanks to my friend Sarah, who scoured every store in the county to find this flavor, I picked up a box to see what the hype was.
And it is good.
Don't judge me.

Forget Hanes.
Malt O' Meal? Call me. (On my home phone.)

April F's Day.

Dear Mother Nature:
I do not think you are funny.
This crappy "A" snow better be GONE by the time I wake up from my nap.

Or else!!!!!!!

You should be afraid, Mother Nature.
Very afraid.
You already brought me your "other gift" yesterday.
I am not in the mood.
MELT IT OFF, lady.