Wednesday, June 29, 2011

I am still here.

I reached my "trigger" underwear today.
You know the ones.
The pair of undies you leave in the drawer until you "have" to wear them, cause all the others are in the dirty clothes pile, waiting for the maid.
The pair of undies that have something wrong, and you vow you will throw them away.
They bunch up, or pull funny, or the elastic is semi-shot, and they slide down.
They "trigger" you to do laundry.
Or you want to pull a "trigger" on yourself when you are wearing them.

I am wearing them now.
And starting the laundry.

I wanted to pop in, cause I haven't blogged in a while.

I am noticing a pattern, here.
I blog more when I am pissed off or depressed.

I guess it is good that I haven't been around??

Summer is awesome.
That is all.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

I wanted to be a little more professional about doing this giveaway...after all, I am using Sugar in the Raw now, and all.

Usually I just ask my kids to pick a number between x and x...

So I found this website that did random number generation.
Then I read a tutorial on how to do a screen shot, and save the image, so you all would know that I am keeping this thing honest.

And holy cow! 31 comments!
Where have you people been?
I feel like I should hire some bodyguards to keep me from the paparazzi.

Anyway, after many online tutorials, I am ready to announce a winner!
Echo Park said they would continue to give me kits to give away!
So check back.
Drum-roll please?
Comment number 25 belongs to Shay, who said:
Blogger Shay said...

I love the paper! Please pick ME!

5:22 PM

Shay, e-mail me your address, and we will be sending you some happy mail.
Thanks so much everyone!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Pool Couture

I never go to the pool without wearing sunglasses.
This is not to protect my eyes, although that is a nice side bonus.
This is so I can people watch, without looking like a creeper.
There is some good people-watching at the pool.

And it needs to be said:
"What in the @#!% are some people thinking?"

I could wear a bikini to the pool.
But three things prevent me from doing so:

A full-length mirror...and two little things called "my eyes."

There are many things that are better off for everybody when they are covered up.

There are, however, quite a herd of larger-sized folks who come to the community pool very scantily clad.
I am thinking that when you lose the back strap of your bikini because it is buried in is probably time to start shopping in the one-piece suit section.
Just my opinion.
I get that some people want an "all-over body tan" but sometimes, that is just asking too much of the sun.

And don't get me started on the guy last week strutting his stuff in a Speedo.
This is Utah County, dude.
Conservative-ville, USA.
Not Europe.
I don't even know where he would have purchased that banana hammock.
I know good and well they are not in this weeks Target ad.

That being said, is there nothing worse than putting on your swimsuit for the first time of the season?
All your insecurities come back, along with the summer mosquitoes.
Suddenly, I haven't done near enough lunges.
I actually have to shave my legs further than my kneecaps.
My toes are seriously uglier than I remembered, and no amount of funky polish is going to make up for them.
I have a suit with a skirt.
Judge if you must, but the skirt seems shorter- my stretch marked thighs are way more exposed than I thought...maybe tanning them will camouflage that?

I am waiting patiently for this to catch on:
It will be a glorious day for everyone.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

It's Country Time!

Back in April, I decided to try out for a design team and get scrapping again.

I was lucky, and made the Core'dinations Cardstock design team.
Around the same time, I was approached by Echo Park Paper Company and asked if I would like to join their in-house design team.

I am part of two wonderful design teams, that send me product to roll around in! (Fully clothed.)
I am sure I will be sharing projects and stuff on my blog.

Today is awesome, because Echo Park asked me if I would like to give away their brand new collection to one of my readers. (Yes!)
Wait! Before you run away, because like myself you "never win anything" think about the fact that I literally have about ten blog readers. One is my mom, and she doesn't really scrap. You have a good chance!

Wanna see it?
It is called "Country Drive."
There are 12 double sided papers:
(This was my girls' favorite one)
This is my favorite. I love a good stripe!
two sticker sheets (the other sticker sheet is alllll alphabet)
There is a whole sheet of journaling cards too, if you want to see the entire collection, you can head over to Echo Park Paper, and ogle.

**If you would like to have this collection mailed right to your door, for free, just leave me a comment on this post. I will pick a name this Saturday, (June 18th.)**

Keeping with the theme of Country Drive...I thought of Country Time. As in lemonade.
I tried (and tweaked) a new recipe today. From scratch.
I wanted a really tart (this ain't your grandma's lemon cookie) lemon cookie.
I found some recipes online, and did my own thing to them.

So I am sharing it, because frankly it kicks a little butt, and you should partake.
I needed to share some tips though, in case anyone else out there is a non-cook like myself.
It is no secret that I like to watch the Food Network.
I wanted to be fancy.
I bought some "Sugar in the raw" to roll the cookie balls into.
I bought it at Wal-Mart, so it isn't all that gourmet.
This what it looks like:
It is a chunky sugar, it looks like this on the dough:
And like this, after baking:
Sugar in the raw made me feel fancy.
(I am still in my pajamas. It is after noon.)
The other thing I used in the recipe is dry powder lemonade mix.
I just used the off-brand.
Cheaper than Kool-aid, and worked just fine.
Anyway, here is the recipe:
I chose to call it "lemon drop cookies" but really, it could be "lemon zinger cookies" or "pucker petit fours" or "lemonilicious lovers."
(This club can't even handle me right now.<--little Flo Rida reference, mom, just ignore that.)

Lemon Drop Cookies

2 sticks butter, softened
2 c. sugar
3 pkgs. (unsweetened) lemonade mix
1 egg
1 tsp lemon extract
1 tsp finely grated lemon rind
2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
Raw Sugar (for rolling dough in)

Preheat oven to 350°.
In a small bowl, mix sugar with lemonade mix. In a large bowl, cream butter, add lemonade mix, and whip until fluffy.
Beat in the egg, lemon extract, and grated lemon rind.
In a separate bowl, stir together the flour and the baking soda. Add the dry ingredients to the batter, beating until thoroughly combined.
Pour about 1/4 c. of raw sugar into a dish.
Form the dough into 1-inch balls (I use a cookie scoop) and roll them in the raw sugar, then place them 2 inches apart on a greased cookie sheet.
Bake the cookies until the edges just begin to brown, about 10-12 minutes. Cool for 2 minutes.
Makes about 4 dozen cookies.

And to tie everything in, I present:
Lemon Drop cookies, with Country Drive paper background:

Monday, June 13, 2011

Chores and Chairs.

In case you were wondering where I disappeared to...the local pool opened!
I have been busy acquiring skin cancer, and admiring my cellulite dimpled thighs.

Here is what I have learned in the first week or so of summer.
Dirty dishes can no longer be left in the sink overnight.
Milk from the cereal bowls will rot and curdle instantly and stink up the entire house. To the point of gag.
I will be honest.
Loading up dirty dishes is my least favorite chore.
I have issues.
I have issues with "used" food.
I can't touch it.
It makes me cringe and completely grosses me out.
I feel like the "used" food gets trapped underneath my fingernails, and stays-germing it up under there.
The smell.
So the dishes get ignored a lot around here.
I leave them there, hoping someone else will do them.
Like an optimistic moron.
Because reality is, no one else around here seems to notice a darn thing.
My family will sit watching TV in a hovel of filth, and they are fine with that.
So, I usually get stuck doing those dishes, and every hour I let them sit...fermenting in the sink...just adds to my own personal hell.

I do, however, like to vacuum.
I love the look of the carpet afterwards, in neat, straight lines.
I get a strange satisfaction in sucking up small wrappers, barbie shoes, or popcorn kernels.
I love emptying out the vacuum canister, and dumping out ALL THAT CRAP.
Crap that was living in my carpet.

So I have learned this summer, that it is best to try to do all the chores before we head over to the pool.

But then I am taking the risk that I might not get a pool lounge to sit on.
You have to get to the pool pretty early in the morning to get a non-broken pool lounge around these parts.
It is serious business.
I have watched stay-at-home-mom fist fights break out over the lounge chairs.
I have witnessed small children tossed like footballs, when the pool doors opened, and used to "hold" chairs.
I have seen grown women peeing their "territory."
The pool lounge chairs are a serious commodity.
If you don't get there when the pool opens, you are stuck with a lounge chair that either (a) will not recline, (b) only has three legs and must therefore be propped up on one side with a flip-flop, (c) is missing slats, and must be stuffed with towels or the dreaded (d) no lounge chair at all.
Then you are relegated to the hard, bare, cement- where you have to precariously place yourself and all of your belongings to avoid the random rivulets of water drippage from other (lucky lounge chair) patrons.
It is not a good time.
If you watch like a hawk, (from below on the cement) you can sometimes snag a lounge chair as someone leaves, but like I said, you look away for one second, and it will be claimed by someone else quicker on the draw.

I have also learned that damp clothing cannot be left in the back of the van.
Smells worse than the sink dishes.

Summers give me anxiety.

Friday, June 03, 2011

Summer Is Only Good If You Are a School Teacher.

It has officially been summer at our house for six hours.
Already, four of my five darling children have lovingly requested that I drive them somewhere.
They have pressing social engagements.
My three month stint as an entertainment specialist, slash chauffeur is beginning.

I have already been bombarded with the ever-popular:
"I am bored."
"Our house is boooooring."
"We want want popsicles!"
"This is going to be the worst summer ever."

We are already out of cold cereal.
The bowls and spoons are all dirty.
The milk has been left out on the counter since morning.

I have already uttered the words: "Stop making me swear inside!!"

Internets, this is not a good sign of things to come.