Thursday, October 30, 2008
I don’t like the dentist.
And yesterday, I had the privilege of spending two quality hours there. For myself. I had a little work done.
It started off nice. Around 2:00.
The office has warm cookies. I am not kidding. They are not even trick cookies made out of fluoride or something. A festive plate full of warm, chocolate chip cookies. They were in reception where you check in and out.
I declined, since I was having work done, and had just brushed the crap out of my teeth right before coming over. To prove how thorough I really am, and how did this girl get cavities anyway? I am not sure, she is such a good brusher!
They seated me, and offered me a soft, warm blanket.
I got my own TV. With a tiny remote.
Of course, nothing was on, so the assistant offered me a movie.
I chuckled inside, thinking a whole movie was a bit much, but I settled on one to watch because it was better than football and way better to drown out the horrible elevator music that is playing in the background.
Then the dentist came in, and his perky assistant with a clipboard.
They started that secret code talk.
“Looks like a 17 on J and A.”
“Possible 24 on J as well.”
Perky assistant scribbles away…
I am pretty sure a “17” means “this lady never flosses.”
And the other code was for the Mountain Dew deposits.
Then they both leave. Probably to talk about my super! awesome! shoes!. I wore the silver ones. They give me confidence. I needed confidence.
In fact, I almost chickened out in the parking lot.
Then this other chick comes in.
I guess her only job is to give people shots.
She has the worst job ever.
No one likes her.
She should get some awesome shoes.
The first order of business she attends to is to chain the token bib around my neck.
This sends the clear message, that yes, you will be drooling all over, and you will have no dignity at all, as you will not be able to feel said drool.
She gave me the numbing gel, and while I am holding two swabs in my mouth, and trying to prevent the drool from running down my chin…she proceeds to talk to me.
Why? Why do they do this?
She is talking about my kids from yesterday.
“Very well behaved” she said, “just great kids.”
And I am thinking “Well, pick a favorite, cause most likely you guys will be getting one for collateral when this bill hits.”
I mumbled something, and I think she translated it.
Then, she stuck me with the needle. IN THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH. I swear to you…she nicked my brain. I felt it in my scalp. I am not even lying. And I thought I was going to cry.
The second injection went into the side of my mouth, and I was numb in my ear.
What is that?!
Then she left. And the dentist came back.
Everything after that was a blur.
There was drilling, and grinding, and I smelled burning teeth, and the girl kept suctioning my lips and it made a horrible sound, and where does all that spit and blood and tooth shards go anyway? Where? Is there a big septic tank under the dentist office?
I couldn't hear the movie, what with the drilling and my newly deaf ear.
And they kept moving and blocking the movie anyway.
At one point I lifted my leg up, and moved the TV with my foot. I can thank the gym for that moment of dexterity.
Then the movie was OVER.
A 1 ½ hour movie.
The credits were rolling!
How long was I going to be in that chair? The blanket was sticking to my sweat and I felt claustrophobic and trapped, I wanted to scream, but I couldn't because, well…I had FOUR LATEX CLAD HANDS IN MY MOUTH.
And then, when I was praying for escape, it was over.
“You did great!” said perky.
What does that even mean? Are there really people who don’t do great? Laying there, deaf and mute?
“You have a temporary crown” she chirped “make sure you don’t put stress on it with anything like Corn-nuts.”
What the freak?
She continued “Nothing sticky like Milk Duds, Sugar Babies or Gum.”
There goes the post trick-or-treat bag raid.
“You should be good to go then, call us if you have any questions.”
I ripped my sticky skin off of the naugahyde chair, and made my way to the front of the office.
Where the cookies are!
Cookies I couldn't eat.
And I stood there all numb and drooled all over my super! awesome! shoes! while I made my next appointment.
I was numb until about nine, and then the pain hit.
Conveniently the pain hit while I was in Satan’s Warehouse, getting last minute Halloween costumes for the “very well behaved” kids. Kids who unbeknownst to me until TONIGHT lost our costume bag because they wanted to put on a play with them in July.
So don’t judge too harshly the costumes of the Wadley kids this year.
I know that Moms aren't supposed to have favorites, and I don't...but...
This kid (knock on wood) has never given us trouble.
I admit, he is sensitive to a fault.
Sometimes way too sensitive.
But it works for us.
All we have to say is "Man, Shayne, that is disappointing, you really know better."
And instantly he will burst into tears.
THE SHAME! Oh, the heart-wrenching shame of disappointing my parents!
Gets him every time.
The other kids...not so much.
He is content to do pretty much anything.
And quite often will offer foot massages free of charge.
I am not making this up.
He is a really good kid.
When he sets his mind to something, he really is dedicated, and sticks with it until he is really, really good at it.
He thinks he is going to be going to college on a jump rope scholarship.
Haven't had the heart to shatter that dream yet.
Maybe by then they will have something for him? If trampoline is an Olympic event, then who knows? Jump rope could be the next big thing! Yes?
We discovered that Shayne and his severe under bite are going to need head gear.
Either that, or he will need to have his jaw broken, and re-set sometime in the future.
The poor kid.
He is already the jump rope nerd.
And now...he gets to sport this:
He is so good-natured, he didn't say much when I showed him what was in store for his face for the next 6-12 months.
He was just quiet, and shrugged, and sat down to dinner.
Which was pizza.
We have already threatened the other kids to NEVER TEASE HIM!!
But I am doubtful.
And secretly I am worried about that metal getting tangled up in his jump rope.
Maybe we can "cool" it up for him, like hang weapons from it, or an iPod?
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
I am leaning towards Junior High age.
But I really don't know what to do with Jayden this year.
I remember how bad my mom hated teenagers trick or treating at our house.
"It's just ridiculous!" she would say, "They should all have JOBS!"
So one year, she emptied out all of the little boxes of Junior Mints and Dots, and refilled those boxes with dried beans. Then she hot-glued the little boxes shut again, and put them in her fancy plastic Halloween bowl.
When the doorbell rang, she would answer, and depending on the age of the child, she would grab the appropriate bowl.
She would literally cackle, when those older kids would dig into the faux-candy bowl.
"Have a few! (my pretties......)
I think it was her funnest year ever...getting that payback.
So I guess that is why I am thinking Junior High is old enough.
We just fixed up all of Jayden's teeth, I can't imagine him chomping down on some dried beans from grandma's house.
Monday, October 27, 2008
The whole family, not just me, are overdue by six months.
We haven't been in for a year.
I have been meaning to set us all appointments.
Since school let out least year, actually.
Every time I would pick up the phone to call, I could hear the whir of the drill in my head, and the taste of that gaggy fluoride rinse disguised in a watery melon flavored backwash.
My heart would start pounding, and I would get sweaty.
So I would put the phone down.
And walk away.
I know I am a wuss.
I just hate the dentist!
So today, I decided that it was either scrub bathrooms, or call the dentist.
BY HELMET! Something was going to GET DONE TODAY!
My toilets lost.
And get this:
They had a cancellation, and we are all going in TOMORROW!
I think it is the dental Gods knowing that if I had more than 24 hours, I would probably wuss out and cancel.
So whatever you do tomorrow, at least it is better than what I am going to be doing.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
I was her Ponica!
But really, I wasn't.
Cori is in better shape than me.
And she kicked my butt.
She was a little excited about seeing pants for herself.
She reads my blog.
Probably why she offered to change it up.
I haven't been to gym class for a couple weeks.
I am not going to lie, it was rough.
I am going back to bed, and maybe another hour of sleep will feel like I am starting my Saturday morning off better.
Friday, October 24, 2008
You can all be thanking her for sprucing this blog up.
Her blog is always so stinking cute.
She offered to help me learn how to change my blog up.
She started somethingsomethingHMTLsomething...
My eyes glazed over.
It's that old dog/new trick thing.
I just gave her my sign-in and password. And she went to town.
It was so exciting!
Like being on Trading Spaces, and having the REVEAL!
I love it.
I am keeping it.
I wish she also did Home Decor, cause I still have a few rooms in the house that are suffering from the uglies.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
I haven't been on the treadmill.
I haven't even walked to the mailbox.
That is what kids are for.
So needless to say, I am nice and soft now.
And my body has been all..."Hooray! The fluffy lady is back! Let's EAT again!"
And by "eat" what my body means is cravings for Candy Corn and Asphalt Pie from Wingers. And I guess if you are going to go to Wingers for the pie, you might as well get the Sticky Fingers Dinner, since you are already there.
Well, Ponica has also been on vacation this week.
She gets back today.
I am waiting for her to drop her bags and skip to the phone to verify that we are, indeed, heading to the Pump class tonight.
I have mixed feelings.
Amazing how after one week of couch-potato-ing, exercise seems so.....hard.
And after a week of non-exercise, junk food seems so.....good.
Also fat pants feel so....tight.
Monday, October 20, 2008
I always thought that smell would probably be my pick, after living with my boys, and their socks and a husband who played Hockey. Are there any Hockey mom's out there? Seriously, there is not a worse smell in the world than Hockey stuff.
Then I realized how much I like smells.
That I pay extra for good smells, and how much even a new fabric softener can make me excited about LAUNDRY!
So here is my Ode to Smells that I like lately:
My first one is the Method line of dish soap.
Especially the Pink Grapefruit one. I don't mind washing the occasional pan now. With all that citrus-y foamy goodness...
And speaking of soaps...I love Bath and Body Works.
I love to go into their store in the mall, and go over to their little white sink, and just wash my hands. Try out the new fragrances, put on some new lotion...it's kinda weird, I know this. But my girls like it too. And my boys, although they pretend to grumble and stuff.
My favorite soap is the White Tea and Ginger. But those scent-decision-making BUTTS at Bath and Body Works have discontinued it.
BRING IT BACK!!
Here is another Bath and Body Works product.
I got this from Ponica for my birthday. At first I thought it smelled like a grandma. But I really like it now. It smells better on, than in the bottle, and the scent lasts a long time.
I use it.
My cuticles no longer look like fringe around my nails.
And I smell like a sexy grandma.
Why don't I just live at B&BW?
Yet another product. The Wallflowers.
And my favorite is Creamy Nutmeg. It is just a subtle spicy scent. It is pretty, but makes me crave cookies.
I have been baking a lot.
Sam almost will not buy this fabric softener because of the bear.
He hates this bear! I think he has some deep-rooted issues. Who can hate the Snuggle Bear?
I am loving the new scents of the Exhilaration's line.
I love the White Lavender and Sandalwood.
I washed all my bedding last week, and all my blankets smell delicious.
I wish I could wash the couch.
That would be cool.
I don't use salon products on my hair.
Whew! I said it! I use cheap drugstore crap.
I like it.
It works for me.
My hair is durable. And dang if I don't really love the smell of Herbal Essences. I like all of them, and switch the scents up. Makes me happy in the morning.
And that is saying a lot.
Here is the perfume I wear.
My Mom and I found it one day at Kohls.
We were sniffing the perfumes.
Mom originally chose it for the bottle, but then we both chose it for it's soft floral fragrance that melts into the skin with soft notes of lotus flower, gardenia and pink peony, exotic blossoms such as tuberose, rose de mai, and orange flower enriched with musk, ambrette, and sandalwood. Heh.
And this is the body wash I love.
Again, cheap crap, but so yummy.
You will want to drink it. Resist that urge. I have it on good authority that it doesn't taste like it smells.
And it burns mouth canker sores.
So, there you have it. Why I just couldn't trade in my sense of smell.
Not for all the three-day-old socks in the world.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
They scoped out the coolest location for the shoot.
They let me play with some weird camera angles.
It snowed on us! And they were troopers!
I hope I got a few shots that they liked...
They are on the swim team together:
Fun with photo-shop, some sepia and film grain. And this is the only time I have seen this girl without a full smile:
Hey! Let's take some pictures over by that yellow DUMPSTER! I like the color:
"C", you know this is your favorite pic! Hooray for graduation! She really wanted to to do these jump pictures...right?
Told you it was a cool place for a shoot!
Her dimples...seriously...love them!
200+ photos later, and I don't think we took any "bad" pictures of this girl:
Thursday, October 16, 2008
This allows me to carry on an actual conversation.
I have been feeling like an auctioneer lately.
Hard to get the point across with less then two minutes of talk time per charge.
Magical, magical phone batteries.
Enabling the gossip of stay-at-home-mom's everywhere.
I was supposed to fly in yesterday.
However, flights filled up.
There were 76 people on stand-by...and it snow-balled all day.
That was just to get there.
And already, at a week out, the flights are negative to get back home.
I had heroin flash-backs of last year.
Spending a couple days stuck in an airport.
I still vividly remember the hopeless, desperate feeling...
I am not really sure what triggered it, but I fell victim to a full blown anxiety attack.
Sick stomach, sweating, tight chest...
It just didn't feel right.
Sam was very supportive throughout my blubbering break-down.
He may have been a tad bit scared.
Let's back-track, and say that I have been under a lot of stress and pressure for the past month, and I think the flight situation was the proverbial straw.
Finally he said, "you know...you don't have to go..."
So I bailed.
And after I decided not to go, I felt peace. Weird.
Here is what I am missing:
And scrapping all day with awesome ladies:
So as it is...folks around these parts think I am gone.
My phone has been quiet.
The inbox has been empty.
And I have been taking a "Home Vacation."
Honestly, it has been rather nice.
I needed the time to re-group, and try to get my crap back together.
The kids are out of school on break, so we have no routine. We stayed up late last night, playing, and we all slept in this morning.
I am sad to not see my Getaway friends this year.
Sending them virgin jello shots, and Craisins, and big ol' Utah hugs.
Monday, October 13, 2008
I have been looking forward to it all year long.
Finally Costco has their bags of pre-cut and peeled Butternut Squash in the produce section. I am lazy like that.
The rest of the family can have some mac and cheese.
Butternut Squash Bisque
1 medium butternut squash (about 2 pounds)
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 yellow onion , cut in half and thinly sliced
1 stalk celery , thinly sliced
1 carrot , thinly sliced
1 teaspoon fresh rosemary leaves
2 cups chicken or vegetable stock
3/4 cup milk or cream
1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
Peel squash and remove seeds. Cut into 1 1/2-inch chunks and set aside.
Add oil to a 4-quart saucepot and place over medium heat. Add onion, celery, carrot, and rosemary, and cook until onion begins to brown, stirring occasionally, about 15 minutes.
Add squash, stock, and 1 cup water. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer and cook until squash is tender, about 15 minutes. Turn off heat and let soup cool slightly, about 8 minutes.
Using a standard or immersion blender, puree soup until smooth. If using a standard blender, puree in small batches to prevent spillage. Transfer to a clean pot or storage container. Soup can be refrigerated for up to 2 days or frozen for up to 2 months.
When ready to serve, reheat. Add milk, salt, and pepper; stir well. Add additional milk or stock if soup is too thick; simmer 5 minutes. Adjust seasoning to taste, and serve warm.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Could Jayden be any more Sam?
He acts like him too.
He hit Junior High this year, and for as much as I sweated it, he is actually enjoying himself and doing well. (Knock on wood.)
He is due for a growth spurt here in a bit.
He and Brendan are the same size right now.
And, they have actually been pretty good friends.
Make a Mom's heart swell...to see all that brotherly love...
Could just be that Jayden is now fully aware that Brendan could hold his own in a rumble, if not kick his trash.
Here is Brendan.
He is the family and class clown.
I think it might be his size seven shoes.
Yes, folks. Men's size seven, and he is in 5th Grade.
They fit his feet, although they look huge compared to his body.
He is hilarious though, and this year, it is all about learning his comedic timing.
Popping off during the Iowa tests: Not Appropriate
Performing Stand-up at recess: Appropriate
During dinner: Not Appropriate when Mom just took a drink of milk.
Shianne is my struggle right now.
"I hope you have a kid just like you one day."
Except she isn't exactly like me.
She doesn't care much about school.
Everything is "good enough" for her.
This doesn't jive well with my anal-retentive side.
It has been a rough year.
I pray a lot.
She is teaching me patience. And understanding, compassion, the art of "take a deep breath", letting the little things go, and renewed caffeine addiction.
Diet this time.
Shayne is a good kid.
He and Shianne are in 4th Grade.
We always save his teacher for last on parent teacher night.
That way when we are fully depressed and contemplating giving our children up to the state for their own good, because we fail to enforce the mandatory 20 minute reading torture every night of our lives...
We hit Shayne's class.
His teacher always raves about him. How helpful and kind he is! How he tutors the slower kids in his class! He is always happy! And on task!
I sometimes wonder if they did a little switcheroo in the hospital when we brought him home. He doesn't really fit into our dysfunctional profile.
This is Miss Mikayla, our Kindergartner who is rapidly becoming smarter than her parents. Her teacher knows everything...and is so beautiful, and so wonderful. School has taught Mikayla the word "Hello." As in..."Mom, I need my lunch now...HELLO?" Or "MOM! Go find my backpack...Hello?"
It's just fantastic.
I love this age though, when they still have all their little baby teeth, you know, cause they are still babies...
Pretty soon she will start losing teeth, and then have a mouth full of too-large cream-colored Chiclets like her siblings.
So there you have it.
And I saved about $100.00 taking my own pictures.
Take that Chickenman!...Hello?!
Friday, October 10, 2008
I have to admit, you had perfect form during those excruciating bar-bell squats we suffered through--glutes out, shoulders back, toes forward...
But did you know, that when you pushed your glutes out...towards me and then squatted down, that your super tight cotton-stretchy pants went paper thin. Yeah, it put a lot of stress on those pants. We are talking LIKE SHEER ENERGY PANTYHOSE thin. I could see your thong, and I could also see where you wax AND where you do not wax.
I could see everything.
I did not want to.
I tried not too, but it was like a train wreck:
Opaque pants...sheer pants...opaque pants...sheer pants...
I know where the men in this class will want to set up next week.
However, thank you for not laughing at me.
It was a new routine, and required some coordination.
I didn't "get" it a lot of the time.
Sometimes, I went right, when you and the rest of the class went left.
And then there was that time when we were supposed to lie down on the ball to do pec flies, and when I rolled back on the ball, it shot across the room, and dumped me on my elbows on the hard HARD wooden floor.
It was a good night for all.
See you next week. And I mean ALL OF YOU. Heh.
-Bruised Elbow Girl-
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
I got a layout picked up a couple of days ago by Memory Makers Magazine.
They are out-sourcing their imaging now, which means that my layout goes to a digital imaging company, and not to the magazine itself.
This could be a good thing. The company also takes care of mailing the layouts back to the submitters.
They have a really cool system, these digital imaging people...you enter all your information online, and then hit "Print Label." It automatically prints two UPS labels, one is to be included in your package as your return label.
The best part?
Free for me.
The digital image company foots the bill for both packages. Cool! No more out of pocket expense for me to send the requested layouts and documentation.
So I happily mailed my *free* package yesterday.
And today, UPS shows up at my door.
With my package.
Apparently I attached the return mailing label to the package, and in essence mailed the package TO MYSELF.
And the guy remembered me.
He said, "Didn't you drop this package off yesterday?"
And I said, "Yes, I did. I just wanted to make sure I would have a good mail day today."
Needless to say, I switched the stupid labels, and re-sent it today.
Dorkville. Population: Me.
Monday, October 06, 2008
He said that he was wondering if I would be willing to give a testimonial for his product, and a link on my blog.
He felt like I got enough traffic here and that his product would be perfect for the demographics of my blog. He was willing to either pay me, or give me free product in exchange for me posting about it.
I was a little taken back, because:
A: How does he know how many hits I get, and where they come from?
B: His "product" was a natural herbal cure for urinary tract infections.
I deleted it.
Where is Cadbury? Or Burt's Bees?
I pimp them out for F-R-E-E here all the time.
I guess I am glad to know the demographics of my blog.
Y'all keep drinking water, now ya hear?
Keep those kidneys healthy, and all that...
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Arrrgh. So embarrassed to admit that.
I chose You Tube clips that didn't have the videos attached, cause honestly I haven't watched the videos to these songs, and I can't promote naughty bits on my family-friendly blog...just the songs.
Kevin Rudolf- Let it Rock
Good ones to add to the iPod work-out playlist.
And in the second song "Let it Rock" you can think of me, oh, around 3:27.
Uh-huh. I thought so.
It's the shoes.
I can't stop loving them.
Totally enjoyed "church at home" today.
Wish they did that every week.
For my non-LDS friends:
General conferences are conducted each April and October and comprise five two-hour meetings held over two days. The April meetings are called annual conferences and those in October, semiannual.
Church leaders speak on a variety of topics from the gospel of Jesus Christ. They address Latter-day Saints as well as government, faith and community representatives and other conference guests. Speakers include the worldwide leader of the Church, President Thomas S. Monson, members of the First Presidency, the governing body of the Church, the Quorum of Twelve Apostles and other leaders. They encourage individuals and families to live by the principles and doctrines of the Church.
*copied from LDS newsroom
The best part, is that in my area it is televised.
There were some really great speakers this round. I especially loved Saturday's sessions.
Anyway...in the scrappy scene, I have been super busy, but can't really share a lot, cause I am working on some stuff for a book deal I was asked to contribute to.
But here is some Bo Bunny/ QuicKutz stuff I can share. (I think?)
Just so this post isn't so text-heavy.
On the to-do list this week:
1- Take head shots of the kids for "School Pictures."
Last year I paid out a fortune to The Chicken Man, and this year I am taking my own pictures.
2- Get my scrapping stuff together for my scrapbook retreat to the OBX in a week and a half??! Eeek! Getaway is creeping up, isn't it?
3- Also check flights. Heh.
4- Call the dentist. We have not been for a year. I just HATE. IT.
5- Get on the treadmill. Make up for the 17 chocolate chip cookies I ate during Conference.
Friday, October 03, 2008
In fact, tomorrow in between sessions of General Conference, I am going to venture down to the crawlspace and see if any of my Fall decorations survived my purge last year. I threw away a lot of home decor stuff, mostly cause I was sick of looking at it.
I made this pie/cake this afternoon, cause I am still ugly and didn't want to leave the house. So I baked. Oh baby, did I bake.
I made roast beef, cornbread muffins, glazed carrots, homemade mashed potatoes and roast drippings gravy.
And this pie/cake.
I figure I am off the hook for a good week, for putting forth all that effort.
I am JUNE CLEAVER!! But with no cute apron.
I am the heathenish June Cleaver, with tattooed eyeliner.
It is healing up nicely.
But I still have to swab Vaseline on it all day.
So I have to wear my fugly glasses.
No! I am not taking a picture with them. I have posted enough uglies of myself recently. Just use your imagination.
Oh yeah...the recipe.
This recipe has been in our family for years. It always reminds me of fall.
It is like a pie, but with cake for the crust.
You can't go wrong mixing two good desserts.
Pumpkin Pie Cake
1 box white or yellow cake mix (reserve 1 c. of the dry mix, set aside.)
2 T. flour
1/2 c. melted butter
Mix together well, and press into the bottom of a greased 9x13 pan.
1 large can pureed pumpkin
1/3 c. brown sugar
1 c. white sugar
2/3 c. milk
1 t. pumpkin pie spice
Mix together well, and pour over crust.
1 c. cake mix (the reserved cup)
1/4 c. sugar
1 t. cinnamon
1/4 c. softened butter
Cut together until mixed, and crumble over the top of pumpkin mixture.
Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes.
This is so stinking good served slightly warm with vanilla ice cream.
Let me know if you make it.
Your house will smell yummy.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Getting in there good... Hold still! She had to go over my eyes six times. It took about an hour to do.
Cleaning my eyes and rinsing off with saline. Whew! Finished!
I forgot to tell her to wax my eyebrows this time.
They are pretty bushy.
I want to thank my Mom for snapping the pics.
She even got this one, of all the equipment. You would think she was a scrapbooker. I am sure Karen Foster will be coming out with a "Tattoo" line, and you will all be jealous that I have photos to go with those stickers.
And I especially liked this one. Me in a grimace. And a great cleavage shot of the tattoo artist. To my male readers...you are welcome.
So, now I am puffy, and gritty, and I have to swab my eyes with Vaseline for five days.
I guess I could have saved myself some time, pain and money by going to Wal-mart and picking up a Wet-n-Wild Kohl black pencil for $1.19.
She had eyeliner, eyebrows and her whole lips tattooed.
I was in awe and slightly shocked.
This is the same lady that believes that caffeine is a tool of the devil, and gives you "that look" if you choose to partake of it.
I had to brown-bag my Mountain Dew in her house.
So she gets tattooed, right?
And she found out all about it from the little gray-haired ladies she works with at the temple.
Which is even stranger.
The day after she got it done, I am not going to lie, she looked like a cheap day-time hooker. (<---sorry, Laura, I bet your work Internet filter just banned me again.) Her face was puffy and swollen, and the eyeliner and eyebrows were heavy and dark. Think Amy Winehouse.
And her lips!
Oh, her lips looked like Botox gone really bad, and then sunburned to a crisp.
But after five days of swabbing the tattoos with Vaseline, they healed up, and de-puffed and she looked fantastic! And the best part...she didn't have to apply make-up every dad gum day.
She was the poster-child for permanent cosmetics, raved everyday about it and eventually wanted me and all my sisters to experience the freedom of NO! MORE! EYELINER!
So she paid for all of us to go in and have our eyeliner tattooed onto our faces.
We are such heathens.
Again, I am not going to lie to you. It hurt like hell.
It was like having a bee sting you over and over again in the same spot.
And then about ten more times just for fun.
The skin felt raw, and still, she keep stabbing the needle in...
I don't know how I stayed sitting there.
But it was worth it. I admit.
And the best gift my mom has given me.
Well, besides birthing me...
Because for the past nine years? I have not had to apply eyeliner.
And on my days when I don't want to put on any make-up, I still look okay, cause of the eyeliner.
It has started fading out. They say it eventually fades completely.
So today, I am going in to have it re-done.
All of my sisters are.
And my gym-friend Ponica said to me last night "Aren't you afraid they will slip and pop your eye?"
Why, no. I wasn't...BUT NOW I AM!!
So thanks for that, Pon.
Maybe this time I will take some pictures.
And some pain meds.
And then for five days, I am laying low. All puffy and stuff.
So if you see me at the grocery store with big sunglasses on, and think to yourself "It's ten o'clock at night, good gravy! What is with that lady?"
Just sparing you the hideousness.