Thursday, August 30, 2007


Thirty-five years ago today.

This is me and my cute mom. She was so young when she had me. I was her first. (Sorry about those stretch marks...)

I thought I would GET THIS PARTY STARTED! Early, you know for you east-coasters, since, if all goes well, I am sleeping in tomorrow. Riiiiiiight. I can hope!

If you want to get entered into the prize drawing, leave me a comment. Any old comment, something about how fabulous I am, or funny, or good-looking. Whatever comes to mind.

I will list the weiners of the prizes tomorrow!
Eat some cake for me too, will you? Preferably chocolate.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Remember how Friday is my birthday? Remember I am going to be doing some give-aways that day. So ya'll come back now, ya hear?
I have decided to give away the items on my "Favorite Things" list from May. So stayed tuned for that one. I am not exactly sure how I am going to send someone a Costco Churro, but I will think of something. There may also be some random scrapbooking goodness. And maybe one of the children- the winner can pick the age.

I am linking some of my favorite older posts, just cause I am too lazy to think of something original and witty tonight. We are still painting the house, and the fumes are making me loopy, and I LIKE IT. I'd would like to bask in the paint-fume fog instead of sitting at the computer. Can't blame a girl for that.
So here are some archived blatherings until Fridays BLOGTASTIC BIRTHDAY BLOGERAMA(!!)
Barbie Mastectomy
On cleaning the pantry/garage
The gym
Enjoy! See you FRIDAY!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

guess what we did last night?

Sam and I....
(I know what YOU were thinking, stop it!)
We painted the new family room/TV room thingie! We started at 11, and finished up at 1:30, which was pretty dang good considering the size of the room. Sam hates painting. He hates all home projects. Come to think of it, I think the guy just hates manual labor of any kind. But he obliged.

We painted it beige. Oh yeah, baby, lots of creative angles going on here. The actual color...I was looking for something beachy, just like sun-warmed sand. And the paint chip that we decided on was called "Sand between your toes." I am not can go to Lowe's and find it, it is in the Seaside Retreat collection. Sam thought the white walls we had already looked fine.

And no. We did not buy the paint at Lowe's. They wanted $30.00 a gallon, so we high-tailed it over to Walmart and got the Kilz brand for $87.00 (five gallon bucket) Sam was thrilled to go back to Wally's after we had just left there to buy all the paint supplies.

I have never used Kilz, and it wasn't bad. That stuff was thick, like pudding. It freaked me out at first, and then, considering what a messy painter I am, I was pleasantly surprised that when I loaded up the roller this time, and trailed across the room to the wall I was working on, I didn't leave a trail of paint dribbles. <---that had to have been the longest run-on sentence ever.

And the best part of the Kilz paint, was that it only required ONE COAT (and a few touch-ups) That was awesome.

I will post some pictures, when we are more done with the room. Going to IKEA tonight to festoon the newly painted walls with some inexpensive Swiss trinkets.

Sam wonders why I am so busting hump getting the house put together.

Well let me tell you, we are having a house full of family and guests coming over for lunch after the twins' baptism this Saturday. Of course all of them have mentioned wanting to see the new addition to the house. I tried to tell them I really haven't done anything with the place yet. And they laughed. And said "You always say that, and then you always have cute stuff."

AAAARRGH. The pressure. Of being a woman. With a house. Please tell me that this would motivate you to decorate too? Yes? Sam thinks I am crazy.

I say, any motivation is good, unless I suppose that motivation requires the husband to paint.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

This is for Sarah

Good morning!
See if you remember this one.
Now that I am an adult, I am wondering why this Mom sent her five year old to the store? (shrugs shoulders)

Friday, August 24, 2007

photo shoot goodies

From a couple of shoots I did recently.
Miss "S" in her baptism dress. Love those freckles!

I seriously had so much fun with Miss "H", who is drop-dead gorgeous, and that girl can work a camera!
She was very patient with my unprofessionalness. <--which I am pretty sure is not even a word.

Happy weekend! Do something fun! Sam is trying to talk me into going camping...ugh.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

project closet organization

Yesterday, it was the weirdest thing.

The kids were gone, and I got the whole house cleaned, we are talking vacuumed and everything. And then, I still had like five hours to burn before they came home. I was a little bored. So I decided that I was going to try to deep clean something everyday, at least until the newness of them being gone wears off.

Today I am tackling my closet. Well, our closet. Sam and I share now. I am not so sure how I feel about that. In the old master bedroom, we each had our own closet. When we remodeled, we have a deep utility type closet, and a walk-in clothes closet. The idea was, the utility one was going to be for storage, and have a lock on it so I could use it as a Christmas closet, and collect things throughout the year. I know you are jealous, thinking about that. It must be a woman thing, cause Sam thought that was the stupidest thing ever, so as luck would have it, he took over the utility closet. That thing is packed full. Of his crap.

Now, by crap, I guess I am a little skewed on my opinion.

But let's talk about his trove of trash, shall we?

Sam has stuffed the closet chock full of man treasures, like two years worth of NINJA magazines (87-89). I mean, you never know when you need an article on how to "poison your unsuspecting enemy with a toxic tomato-leaf salad." We have that. June, 1988.

Then there is his plastic cigarette lighter collection. He collected lighters when he was in junior high. I am not sure why, he has never smoked and no one in his family smokes. The box is bigger than a shoe-box, and stuffed full of rusted Bic's. I asked him once if I could just chuck the whole box, and he looked at me as if I had asked him to remove one of his um, man-berries. I never asked again. And so it sits in the closet.

I probably shouldn't even be mentioning the next item, cause I could be setting myself up for a house robbery...but, he has action figures in original boxes, waiting, and waiting, because he is SURE those things are going to fetch us a million dollars on eBay one day. Sure. Just like beanie babies.

Have I ever mentioned that he sometimes metal detects? Yeah, well that is a post for another day, but he has shoe-boxes full of rusty crap, bottle caps, broken earrings, buttons, bent nails. Treasures! TREASURES I TELL YOU!!

Then in the top of the closet are unopened boxes of exercise tapes. One late, night, he got sucked into an infomercial for some type of exercise system. And the tapes started coming faithfully in the mail. You can see, those have really done well for us. Still in the boxes up there on the top shelf.

And the last thing I want to mention are all the wires and electronic things. He has kept every phone charger cord, every cable and speaker wire to every device we have ever owned. Why? I am not sure. But we have enough black plastic coated wires to snake around the whole town and back. All wound up in that closet.

I am not touching his closet.

I am, however, cleaning out the other one. The one with both of our clothes in it. The one that I selfishly store my things in. Taking up good real estate in that closet are things like:
My Wedding Dress
My grandmas jewelry
The kids' blessing outfits

You know, junk.

So I am going to try to de-clutter in there. I am starting with my belt collection. I am not sure why I even have them. I haven't worn a belt since 1995, when I got pregnant with my first child. After that, belts became a mockery of my life when I actually had a waist.

Here are the belts I found buried in the closet:

The blue beauty came with a pair of pants I got a Kohls. Recently too. I didn't ever feel hip enough to pull off the macrame 60's look. With fringe.

The plastic black and white. What do you even say about that, unless you are "Puttin' on the Ritz" and need to polish off your outfit with a belt to match your spats.

The OLE! belt was from my honeymoon to California, and the token trip into Tijuana, where I picked up that belt. It went with everything. And it is for a 26 inch waist. Not sure what type of pipe dream I was trying to hold onto there, by keeping that belt for 13 years.

That brown thing, is actually a purse strap. I haven't owned the purse it went to for years.

And the mango canvas belt? Yeah, I am not sure about that either. It looks like a dog leash.

So there you go. Me, doing my part to purge. I am sure the thrift store is going to be in 7th heaven when they get this bag of goods.

And if they can't use it, I am sure they can just burn in with their new collection of vintage Bic lighters. Heh.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

this is what nothing feels like

I know you have all been waiting and waiting to see what I did today to celebrate.

It was sadly, anticlimactic. I did nothing. Yep, that's right. Nothing.

In fact, don't judge me, but after I sent the kids off to school, I WENT BACK TO BED. Yes. I did. And I slept like a baby until 10:00.

I did make baptism invitations for the twins. I was pretty proud of myself, cause I have never put text on anything in photoshop before, and I think I did alright.

Then I piddly-dinked on the internet, read some, ate some, printed out some pre-school "homework" for Mikayla to entertain herself with, and then...all of a sudden, the kids were home again.

So that was it. I have higher hopes for tomorrow.

But my cheeks hurt from smiling all day, and my ears are ringing from the silence, and I do believe the sun shone a little brighter today from the SHEER FREEDOM in the air...

Monday, August 20, 2007

since the last post was so text heavy

A couple layouts I did recently. My scanner is being wonky, so forgive the weird camera angle going on.

a couple layouts I did recently:

lots to look forward to

Tomorrow the public school system will suck up four of my five offspring.
And really, the fifth one is ready...she knows her alphabet, letter sounds, can write every letter on cue, can skip, hop, knows her shapes...I have seriously toyed with the idea of fudging her birth certificate.

I guess it weirds me out a little to think of all of them gone. Maybe I need this next year to adjust, and make plans for a life outside of being mommy all day.

I am ready for order, and a schedule. Don't get me has been fabulous to stay up late, and sleep in the next day. We have had fun playing board games all night, and making runs to Arctic Circle at 10:30 for ice cream. We have had a full summer. But I am ready to get going again.

Tonight is the school open house, where we meet the kids' teachers. I am an idiot, and volunteered to be over all the room moms this year. Since I was a room mom to two classes again last year, my thinking was, if I am OVER all the room moms, it will be less pressure for me later on? Now I am thinking, what compels me to do any of it? Anyway, I have sign-up sheets for all the teachers, and hopefully I will get a lot of eager-not-yet-burned-out parent volunteers. Crossing my fingers.

Also coming up:

I have my 35th birthday on the 31st.

I mention this for three reasons. One, because you all still have time to order me something fabulous, and get it mailed. (Heh.) Two, because this year I decided that I was going to tell everyone that I met that it was my birthday. Maybe it would make it more exciting? My kids tell the whole world, and they seem to have fun doing it. I am trying it this year. I am going to tell everyone I see. Costco workers, gas station guys, grocery store checkers...everyone. I will let you know how that goes. Then third, I am going to do a few giveaways on my blog that day. Lets call it a BLOGTACULAR Birthday!! <----ugh, and the only reason I call it that, is cause I hate that crap...sometimes on the radio, it is especially bad "Come to our ROCK-TOBER CELEBRATION EVENT!" Rock-tober. Really?

But I will be hosting giveaways. So stay tuned for that.

And let's not forget tomorrow. When you hear a loud scream of joy, and a "SO LONG SUCKERS!!" echoing off the mountains of northern Utah, you will know that is ME, sending the children into the cold, cruel world. Heh.

Friday, August 17, 2007

i married him

Sorry, honey, I lied.

Told Sam that I wanted to get pictures of his new shirt. And I did. But I also wanted some good pictures of him. Something to keep me company while I am home alone while he is working graveyards, and I am curled up in bed with a good vampire book. HA!

I also lied when I told him I wasn't going to blog about him, and his shirt. It's a cool shirt, especially if your name happens to be Sam. But lately I am thinking of calling him by his never used first name, which happens to be Edward.

I am sure all you Stephenie Meyer fans can understand that.

When I try to get a good picture of Sam, I usually get something like this:

Or this, the "I am outta here..."

But really, I think I am pretty lucky. He looks pretty good for a 35 year old. Most of the time I really love this guy.

He is the best hair-dyer that I know of. Miss Clairol ain't got nothin' on him. He is very meticulous about getting good coverage on my long hair, even if the complimentary gloves barely fit his hands.

The other night, he was fresh home from his graveyard shift, and very tired, I am sure...but heard one of the kids vomiting, again, and turned to me and said "I've got this one."

Sometimes when my alter-ego (that-other-lady) threatens to present herself, Sam has been known to gather up all the children and take them all away for a couple of hours. To safety.

He scrubs floors without being asked. I know.

He always, always says "Yes" when I ask him if he wants to see my latest layout, and has been known, upon occasion to comment with surprising accuracy "That upper-right corner needs something, maybe a photo-corner?"

When he gets home from his graveyard shift, he is as quiet as he can be, and uses his cell-phone as a flashlight so he won't wake me. (Little does he know, that moms sleep with one eye open anyway, and subconsciously I am waiting for him to come home, but it is still thoughtful, and I give him full points for the effort)

He always thanks me for dinner. No matter what it is. And every once in a while, will thank me for something out of the blue, like: "Thanks for doing wash" while he is putting on clean socks. (Do men get that it is the LITTLE THINGS like this, that get them a whole lot of mileage?)

When that-other-lady shows up, sometimes he brings me home a drink from the gas station. And a treat. Usually Bit-O-Honey. I am not sure if that is subliminal or not.

He gives me medium-pressure-non-sexual back-rubs, and always finds the knots and works them out. And then, he doesn't even expect me to reciprocate, probably cause I suck at giving back rubs.

He fixes stuff. I don't get how instinctively he knows how all things work, but he does.

He always makes me laugh. Even when I am mad at him, which makes me madder and I have to remind him "I am not laughing cause you are funny, I am laughing cause I am pissed." Which makes no sense, really.

I guess I could go on and on, but really, who likes to read about other peoples' husbands? Especially if you are mad at yours. And this will probably be a good thing for me to review too, when he sneaks off to go golfing next week.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

last post of the day

Don't flip out because I have posted twice today.

It couldn't be because I am stuck at home with barfing kids to keep me company...nooooo...

I thought I would post a recipe.
1- because I wanted to prove that I do, indeed cook on occasion and
2- because this is my own recipe, I adapted it from one I found, and it ended up being pretty good with my tweaking. I just entered it into a contest, and if I win I get $500.00.
Thats got to be enough to pay for the broken drivers' side mirror on the suburban. Yes?
I am sure the fame of winning the contest, and the chef hat tiara will suffice for wasting my hard-earned cash on a stupid mirror. (Notice I think I have already won)
(Incidentally, I just ran spell-check, and it said "No miss-spellings found."--GO ME!!)

Lemonade Cookies

1 cup butter, softened
1 ½ c. sugar
2 (0.15 oz) packages dry unsweetened lemonade mix (Kool-aid etc.)
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
finely grated zest from one large lemon
4 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
3 c. flour
1 ½ tsp. baking soda

Heat the over to 350 degrees. In a large bowl, cream the butter, sugar and lemonade mix until fluffy. Beat in the egg, vanilla, lemon juice and lemon zest. Mix until smooth. Stir the baking soda into the flour, and add to mixture. Beat until completely combined.

Roll dough into balls the size of walnuts. Roll in granulated sugar, and place on greased cookie sheet. Press thumb into center of cookie to slightly flatten.

Bake for 10 minutes at 350. Cool before moving to a rack. Makes 5 dozen cookies.

Enjoy, without fear, this is NOT what made the kids sick.

entertaining the sick kids with youtube

A classic from my childhood. Still makes me laugh!
Book. Book. Book.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Been meaning to blog about this for a few days now, but didn't have the heart.
You know how you think to yourself, when something crappy happens, that one of these days "I am going to laugh about this?" Well, I am still not laughing, but it is getting less painful.

I took all the kids with me running errands. That is always fun. I had to go to several places, and they were restless and loud and goofy. Needless to say, I had a headache in about 17 minutes. I completed said errands, and we headed home to browse the cupboards for something quick to throw together for dinner.

It was then that I remembered that I needed to pick up Jayden's grind rail (some skateboard thing) at Walmart. My mother-in-law had me order it for his birthday online, and they delivered it to the store, which incidentally I would not do again, it took forever to ship, and I stood back in the pick-up area for 20 minutes, and finally...I paged someone MYSELF on their stupid loudspeaker system, in fact I paged a MANAGER. (the four months I worked at Walmart paid off, if only for the knowledge of the PAGER system)

Anyhooo, I am getting off topic here.

So we go to pick up the grind rail. I take Jayden with me, and leave the other vermin with Sam at home.

We pull into the parking lot, which is full on a Saturday night (go figure) and I see a parking spot, and I signal, you know--to lay claim on it, and start turning in the aisle. Well, out of NOWHERE comes this pole...and dang if I don't nail it, and skim it alllll the way down the side of the Suburban. It makes this huge loud metal to metal scraping noise, and my heart is pounding more than my head now, and everyone within a twenty mile radius is looking at us.

What do you do?

I park in that $4000.00 parking stall, get out, try to slam the mangled door and head into the store. I can feel the burning heat of embarrassment on my cheeks.

I say to Jayden "Man, everyone is looking at us."
And he says "Correction. Everyone is looking at YOU, I was just the passenger."
And yet, it is HIS grind-rail that caused this. Right??
Well, at least I solved the problem of trying to distinguish my blue suburban from the other million blue suburbans in Mormonville, USA. Mine is the one with the custom yellow pin-stripes.

Bad day, eh?

Au contraire, mon freire!

My week gets worse. That next morning, Jayden goes out bright and early to try the grind rail. Slams his head on the sidewalk first run, and gets a concussion, and various bleeding scrapes. Great. So I am watching him, and shining a flash-light in his eyes every five minutes to make sure he isn't going to puke on my new couch, patch up the scrapes, and Mikayla comes in bawling.

She too has smacked her head. Now, she at least manages to produce an impressive purple, pulsing hematoma. It looked like half of a super ball on the back of her head. So now I am watching her too.

I am not kidding, it wasn't 30 minutes later, Shianne comes it. She is holding her head too, but not crying, so she is either a whole lot tougher than the other two nimrods, or she has something else going on entirely.

She managed to get a whole strip of FLY PAPER wrapped around her head, and tangled up in her long hair. It had fly carcasses on it and everything. How do you get that out, you ask? I am not sure. The insanely sticky gummy crap is still in her hair. I figure in a couple of days she will just have some cool dreadlocks. I would have time to work some Un-Du in there, or goo-gone, or something except for the fact that today....

...three of my kids have the FLU, and things are jetting out of both ends...and I AM BUSY!! But, I am grateful for the fact that we have five bathrooms in this house, cause they are all getting some good use, let me tell you.

And it's only Wednesday.

I bet you wish you were me.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

finished book two, new moon

It was just as fabulous as book one.

Between these two Stephenie Meyer books, which were around 500 pages each, and then the new Harry Potter book, I have read over 1700 pages in the past week.

I can smell the dirty dishes in the kitchen sink all the way upstairs.

Monday, August 13, 2007

plugging an awesome book.

By Stephenie Meyer

I started this book on loan from my friend Laura at about 12:30 last night. I so COULD NOT put this book down. I finally finished it at about 5:30 this morning. Sigh....
I slept for a few hours, my sleep punctuated by visions of hot vampire love. (LOVE! I said, the books were written for teenagers, so it's all clean)
I highly recommend this book.
And the best part, it is the first in a series! Like a heroin addict, I must have the other two books.
NOW! (ahem, Laura...)
Go find them. You will not be disappointed.
Then shoot me an e-mail and we will talk.

Friday, August 10, 2007


Yesterday, I got up and went walking with the walking group again.

I was feeling like I could get a jump on my day when I came back and the whole rest of the house was asleep, so I tip-toed around my sleeping darlings and gathered up some laundry. Man! I am a front-runner for Mother of the Year I am sure. I was even so efficient, I threw in the very shorts that I went walking in that morning.

I put the load in the dryer a bit later, and heard the ever-so-familiar "clunk-clunk-clunk" of something in a pocket that shouldn't be there. I checked all of Shayne's shorts. He is my rock collector, and that is what the clunk sounded like. I am a master of the clunks. I can tell in the other room what the object is. "Oooh, mama's got some change...sounds like a quarter, and two nickels..." Shayne's pockets were clean. Whoa, I was way off! I kept digging, until I came reluctantly to my own gym shorts, and pulled out my cell phone. Freshly bleached and oxy-cleaned.

So later that evening, we took a trip to the big city--to THE MALL. To replace the cell phones. Now, the amazing part here, is that this all happened in a timely manner. Normally, with Wadley luck, the whole washing of the phone thing would have happened the day after I got a new cell phone. Our contract goes two years, and it just so happened that the two years are NOW, and I was due for a new phone. SO TAKE THAT, FATE!

While at the mall. With all the kids. We walked around a bit. With all the kids. Everything has changed, of course since I used to go there quite a bit as a teen. And yet, oddly enough, THE CLOTHES ARE EXACTLY THE SAME!

It was like I never left.
They are bringing the 80's back.

I had heard this, and knew this in the back of my head, but to see it...was weird.

I was sort-of excited to see the leggings and long shirts, thinking I could finally wear something besides the horrible combo of low-rise pants, and too-short shirts. I have had such a frustrating past few years tugging and pulling as to not expose to the world my fluffy muffin-top that spills out over my pants where my waist used to be.

Then I got a good look at the leggings and long shirts of today. Leggings, okay. Tight, capri length, (no stir-ups yet). Check. Long skin tight, and form fitting. Those ain't no 80's shirts. And they certainly aren't going to do a whole lot for hiding the flab-belt I have.

So yet again, it's a skinny girls world. Crap.

And I had to laugh too, cause I guess they brought back the whole turn-your-polo-shirt-collar-up thing too. I painfully remember that. I remember my grandma always folding it down for me, when she saw me with it up. And my aunts, and strangers on the street. I remember begging my mom to please, please just turn your collar up, you are wearing a polo shirt already, and just make it be cool. And I remember her telling me she thought it looked stupid that way, and mom's don't have to be cool.

It does look stupid.

And I had to physically step away from the teenagers with their collars up, cause I just wanted to go over and fold their collars down for them. It was like a compulsive reflex that I couldn't control. Like when you see a crooked picture in a strangers house, and you just want to FIX IT.

I guess I have become my mother. But with a new cell phone.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

been editing.

I found this gem.
You can crack any cheeky jokes you want, I know I have been laughing my butt off at it....<----(har har)
Then, I just discovered FILTERS in photo-shop.
Shush! I know it takes me a long time to figure stuff out, like the time I realized my oven was self-cleaning, and I didn't have to erode my skin, nor gas myself cleaning it with toxic foam sprays.
Or when I started buying paper lunch sacks, instead of washing out stinky lunchboxes every single day.
Or that they had cheese. Pre-sliced!
Sometimes I don't notice these things, okay? Sometimes I am not aware that there is a life-changing substitute for one of my everyday tasks.
So here is a photo from Maui, SOOC (straight out of camera)

And the same photo with a cooling filter:

a warming filter:

and for that "natural" cheap hotel wall art look, a violet filter:

Photoshop is amazing. And addicting.
So, which shot do you like the best?
(Besides Brendan's fanny)

Monday, August 06, 2007

why all kids should share the same birthday

Said Mikayla, pointing to Shianne's birthday stash:

"Mom, this is the bestest day for Shy-shy, but I am so sad. Mostly cause I want all of those things."

Saturday, August 04, 2007


(1) This week is mardi gras at our house.

Jayden, our oldest had his 11th birthday (on the 27th) while we were in Maui. What other eleven-year-old blew his candles out with white sands and palm trees in the background?

Then tomorrow, the twins turn eight.
We are all going to be in a costco-cake sugar induced comas.

(2) I bought a blender.

Sam wanted something to mix up his awful smelling protein shakes. That was the beginning. Now I have a freezer full of frozen berries, and vanilla yogurt.
This is good though:

Shaunte's Smoothie
1 ripe nectarine
2 heaping tablespoons vanilla yogurt
1 cup crushed ice
1 packet French Vanilla Carnation Instant Breakfast
1/4 t. almond extract
1/4 c. (or so) milk

Blend well. Add milk to be able to drink it down. Yummy breakfast goodness. Or whenever you deserve a treat.

(3) I got all the laundry done. Knocking on wood.

(4) Working on stuff for HSN, airing August 9th. My stuff, not me.

(5) Both sad and excited that school starts up again in three weeks.
Went shopping and got all the school supplies the kids need. Bought a few clothes, still need a bunch of stuff. Been thinking about all the things I wanted to do with the kids this summer, and how many things we haven't scratched off the fact, we were always going to sit down together and MAKE THE LIST. Sigh.
Not excited to make lunches and get up early and do homework and support fundraisers and attend parent teacher conferences and generally live our lives on a schedule imposed by school bells.
The children will be gone for six hours.

I could drink a smoothie to that.

Thursday, August 02, 2007


I was tagged by Laura.
And apparently nominated for "Rockin' Blogger" whatever that is. I had to copy and paste the little tag thingie up there.

Here goes the question answering part.
1. your entire family has gone away for the weekend. the house is all yours. what are the first three things you do? Oooo gosh. That sounds FABULOUS after the family vacation I just survived. I would probably pick up the house a little, make a batch of carmel popcorn, and settle into a book. Oh wait, I would take my bra off first thing, and ceremonially throw it across the room, but that probably goes without saying, right?
2. your bankbook is looking healthy, you have a four-day weekend ahead. what sounds good? Check flights, see what looks good and fairly close, and take off.
3. what do you do while waiting in the doctors office? Thumb through magazines, and sometimes if I see a good recipe or some layout inspiration, I discreetly tear it out of the magazine. Yep. I am that guy.
4. would you rather spend an afternoon alone in a book store, a mall, napping in the hammock? Do I have money? Then the mall.
5. you have an unexpected 48 hour stay in the hospital. you're coherent and not in pain. how do you spend the time? reading? channel Surfing? laptop surfing? calling your friends to come visit? ringing for a nurse every five minutes? sleeping? Wow. Well, I dunno. If I am coherent and not in pain, why am I in the hospital? I think I would check myself out.
6. you have a nine hour trans-continental flight. get excited about finishing a hot novel? watch the in-flight movies? become best friends with the stranger seated next to you? take three valium and sleep the time away? I would commit suicide. I have a six hour flight max...that is all I can take. I get claustrophobic.
7. you have a seven hour layover in chicago o'hare airport. do you wear down your cellphone battery calling friends? read a book? people watch? shop every store in the airport? take a taxi and see the city? I would catch another flight and get out of there! (Remember Sam works for Delta)
8. what do you do when you're bored stiff? Eat. Surf the net while eating.
9. work first, play later? OR play while you can, the work will still be there when you get home? Work first, play later. Sam is the opposite, it has been a real thorn in our marriage.
10. list three times that you are easily bored. Church. Watching any kind of sports, especially golf. Sams family parties. Heh.

So now I am supposed to tag five people.

So if you are reading this...yes! YOU! Consider yourself tagged. Copy and paste the questions, and the little tag thingie and go post!

Wednesday, August 01, 2007


You know how when someone goes on vacation, and you ask them "How was your trip?" And they go on and on about how wonderful it was.....and how much fun they had....and how you neeeeed to go there too.

Don't get me wrong. It beats the crud out of being home, and engaging myself in the stimulating SAHM mom life of laundry and home-cooked meals, but it really wasn't my favorite vacation.

Maybe we should have seen it coming. You know when you are reading a novel, and you sense the foreshadowing of a tragedy- the author uses some out of place detail or text, that eventually ties back into the plot later?

Well, the vacation started with my Mom stepping into a big, sticky, sun-warmed glob of green Extra gum, and spent the whole ride up to the airport digging it out of the bottom of her shoes. We were laughing, anxiously checking off things we may have forgotten to pack, and fresh with excitement!

That was right before my Mom had her wallet ripped off while on the airplane. Her money and drivers' license and debit card. Gone.

Then the vacation turned into this:

Brendan got the flu, we think. He carried around a much used vomit bucket that we aptly named "Ralphie." Then, lucky for us, two more kids got car-sick on one of the lovely, winding and narrow roads that Maui is famous for. The kind carved out of sheer cliffed lava-rock mountains by the minions of Satan. Terrible for driving a car on, and almost torturous when driven while crammed into a mini-van. Nine people, all trying to see out the tinted windows, and subsiding on airline peanuts. "Ralphie" got to spend a lot of quality time with each of the gurgling children.
And this:

Because sometimes Coppertone Water-Babies SPF 50 Total Sun Eclipse For Melting White Folks Sunblock just isn't enough.
By the way, she is fine now. We didn't have to leave her in the leprosy unit. But we are all itching that drive-you-insane-and-cannot-sleep post-burn itch. And the flakes. In the scalp. That make you look like a walking infomercial for Dandruff shampoo.

We almost lost Brendan and Shianne. Yep. For real. They almost drown. All of a sudden, from the beach we could see Shianne struggling, being pulled out deeper than she could reach with her feet, and Sam ran, and I ran, down the beach, and into the water. She was sputtering, and Brendan was trying so hard to help her, him going under too. Sam reached them first, and they climbed up him like he was driftwood, and he went under. "Help me!" Brendan was screaming, and the terror...the terror in both of their eyes, and probably Sam's too, although he was underneath the water, holding the kids up over his head like the statue of liberty. So, I made Shianne come to me, me--who can't swim, to take the weight off of Sam, and somehow, we all reached the sand. Shaken up, and humbled by the sea.

How quickly things can change in an instant.

Then there was the time that our van got broken into, the thief somehow got in without showing any signs of anything? Gone was my Dad's wallet- with all of his money, credit cards and identification. Gone were all of our snorkel masks and fins. Gone were my Dad ridiculously hideous plaid lounging pants! (which incidentally makes me think of when the Grinch sneaks back into Cindy-Lou-Who's house, after he raided everything to steal the candy cane from her fist while she slept.)All gone. And apparently, the locals know NEVER to rent a vehicle, because rental car theft is such a huge problem. Who knew? I guess us, now. Hang Loose.

So my parents were paupers in Maui. I thought maybe that could be another one of those foreshadowing things, where one day, I will be taking care of them, when they are old(er) and senile(er). Heh.

Even the kids said, "next time let's just go on vacation back to Denver."
Hmmm....Denver? Hawaii? Oooookay. I see the comparison. Hey, at least they are being honest.

Don't get me wrong, it was a breathtakingly beautiful place. There were some good times. The kids will treasure the time they spent with their penniless grandparents. Heh.

I just wanted to get the honest-ness out here, before I permanently record it as being the most fabulous summer vacation WE HAVE EVER HAD. In the scrapbook. So the kids can fondly REMEMBER later how much fun it was.
The good at the brain-washing!

There was this:

And this:

And this:

And when I get over the jet-lag and sleep deprivation of the time changes I am sure I will remember the vacation as being wonderful. At the very least memorable.