back.

You know how when someone goes on vacation, and you ask them "How was your trip?" And they go on and on about how wonderful it was.....and how much fun they had....and how you neeeeed to go there too.

Don't get me wrong. It beats the crud out of being home, and engaging myself in the stimulating SAHM mom life of laundry and home-cooked meals, but it really wasn't my favorite vacation.

Maybe we should have seen it coming. You know when you are reading a novel, and you sense the foreshadowing of a tragedy- the author uses some out of place detail or text, that eventually ties back into the plot later?

Well, the vacation started with my Mom stepping into a big, sticky, sun-warmed glob of green Extra gum, and spent the whole ride up to the airport digging it out of the bottom of her shoes. We were laughing, anxiously checking off things we may have forgotten to pack, and fresh with excitement!

That was right before my Mom had her wallet ripped off while on the airplane. Her money and drivers' license and debit card. Gone.

Then the vacation turned into this:

Brendan got the flu, we think. He carried around a much used vomit bucket that we aptly named "Ralphie." Then, lucky for us, two more kids got car-sick on one of the lovely, winding and narrow roads that Maui is famous for. The kind carved out of sheer cliffed lava-rock mountains by the minions of Satan. Terrible for driving a car on, and almost torturous when driven while crammed into a mini-van. Nine people, all trying to see out the tinted windows, and subsiding on airline peanuts. "Ralphie" got to spend a lot of quality time with each of the gurgling children.
And this:

Because sometimes Coppertone Water-Babies SPF 50 Total Sun Eclipse For Melting White Folks Sunblock just isn't enough.
By the way, she is fine now. We didn't have to leave her in the leprosy unit. But we are all itching that drive-you-insane-and-cannot-sleep post-burn itch. And the flakes. In the scalp. That make you look like a walking infomercial for Dandruff shampoo.

We almost lost Brendan and Shianne. Yep. For real. They almost drown. All of a sudden, from the beach we could see Shianne struggling, being pulled out deeper than she could reach with her feet, and Sam ran, and I ran, down the beach, and into the water. She was sputtering, and Brendan was trying so hard to help her, him going under too. Sam reached them first, and they climbed up him like he was driftwood, and he went under. "Help me!" Brendan was screaming, and the terror...the terror in both of their eyes, and probably Sam's too, although he was underneath the water, holding the kids up over his head like the statue of liberty. So, I made Shianne come to me, me--who can't swim, to take the weight off of Sam, and somehow, we all reached the sand. Shaken up, and humbled by the sea.

How quickly things can change in an instant.

Then there was the time that our van got broken into, the thief somehow got in without showing any signs of anything? Gone was my Dad's wallet- with all of his money, credit cards and identification. Gone were all of our snorkel masks and fins. Gone were my Dad ridiculously hideous plaid lounging pants! (which incidentally makes me think of when the Grinch sneaks back into Cindy-Lou-Who's house, after he raided everything to steal the candy cane from her fist while she slept.)All gone. And apparently, the locals know NEVER to rent a vehicle, because rental car theft is such a huge problem. Who knew? I guess us, now. Hang Loose.

So my parents were paupers in Maui. I thought maybe that could be another one of those foreshadowing things, where one day, I will be taking care of them, when they are old(er) and senile(er). Heh.

Even the kids said, "next time let's just go on vacation back to Denver."
Hmmm....Denver? Hawaii? Oooookay. I see the comparison. Hey, at least they are being honest.

Don't get me wrong, it was a breathtakingly beautiful place. There were some good times. The kids will treasure the time they spent with their penniless grandparents. Heh.

I just wanted to get the honest-ness out here, before I permanently record it as being the most fabulous summer vacation WE HAVE EVER HAD. In the scrapbook. So the kids can fondly REMEMBER later how much fun it was.
The brainwashing....so good at the brain-washing!

There was this:

And this:

And this:

And when I get over the jet-lag and sleep deprivation of the time changes I am sure I will remember the vacation as being wonderful. At the very least memorable.