Thursday, April 30, 2009

Meet my new niece.

This is Kathleen Elizabeth.
She will go by Katie. Or maybe Katy.

Either way, I think my sister made a pretty cute baby.
They say her husband helped too, but it doesn't look like it.
This baby is a clone of Shay.
I remember when Shay was a baby.
It is a little weird to look at Baby Katie, and see so much of her mother in her.
I hope she grows up just as bratty...
Every mom should have a kid just like them.

Baby Katie is not bratty.
She is very nice.
And photogenic.

She cries sometimes:

I don't blame her.
Remember these guys?

They are her older twin brothers.
Eighteen months old now.

They love her so much.
Like Lennie from "Of Mice and Men."
Good luck, Shay.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I'm taking the biggest nap ever.

I think my talk went well today.
I could not be more thrilled that it is over.
I was anxious and sick to my stomach this whole week...

I weighed in at Weight Watchers for the month on Saturday.
I was down two pounds.
Speaking in church is not the best diet plan ever, but it does work.

Friday, April 24, 2009

To be Six...

My baby had her sixth birthday this week.
She is SIX!!
I am pretty sure I just brought her home from the hospital.
Man, it sure goes fast.
I was actually glad to have her birthday finally here.
She has been counting down since Christmas.
The morning of her birthday she informed me that she wanted to wear a Princess crown to school.
So, feeding into her already ridiculously spoiled self, she and I went out and bought one before dropping her off to Kindergarten.
She bounced into school, like she usually does...a half skip/dance, and I noticed for the first time how long her legs have gotten.

As is tradition in our family, she got to choose where we ate dinner that night.
She chose (up)Chuck E. Cheese.
It is too bad that place is closed. (wink, wink)
She settled on Panda Express.
With a side order of Fruity Pebbles.

I love how easy six is.

She greeted everyone in the neighborhood with "It's my Birthday today, did you get me a present?"

I might have to try that one this year.

In other news, I think I have my church talk written.
I am still sick about it.
I will be so happy Sunday night, when it is all over.

It's funny how in life, sometimes days go slowly, but the years go by so fast.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Just say no.

Today I had an out-of-body experience.

A member of the Bishopric pulled me aside after sacrament meeting and asked me if I would speak in church next week.

My mind said "No."
Followed by a maniacal laugh and a long string of expletives.

My stomach actually got sick.
That "instantly" sick I have only read about, but didn't think existed.

And then, it was like I was floating above my body, (looking at my super-cute new necklace) and watched my traitor mouth tell him "Yes!"

What the crap?
Can I plead temporary insanity or something?
Maybe that is the reason I have gained weight lately too.
Cause traitor mouth waits until I am asleep and heads on down to the fridge for a snacky-snack.

I guess this is what I get for drawing attention to myself with a color-popping accessory like they told me to do in last month's Glamour.

I am going to have diarrhea all week.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Lobster Family, party of seven.

When I saw the weather forecast for Utah this last week, I cried.
I gnashed my teeth, and shook my fist at the sky!!

It was Spring Break for my kids, and all five of them would be home for the entire week.

Mother Nature was sending us snow.
In April.

What a weird way to kick me when I am already down...more SNOW.
So we did what any free flight scoring family would do...
We got the "H" outta here.

We went to San Diego.
Where the sun still shines.

The first day was a little chilly, but we still went to the beach.
You know why?

And that night my Dad called and told me that we had made the right decision, cause it was snowing back at home.
You wanna see what we missed?

(I stole this picture off of my cousin Kim's blog, thanks Kim!)
Meanwhile, since snow is for suckers, this is what we were doing:

The boys built some mean sand castles.

The girls modeled the latest in seaweed sarongs.

Sam and I just hung out.
Watching the kids, and talking.
This was our attempt at a photo together.
Sam is mature like that.

That evening, we hooked up with our good friends, the Sadleirs who live in San Diego.
We have been friends with them since before we were married.
We had our kids at about the same time.
They have a daughter who is Jayden's age.
They kinda have a little thang going on.
And how cool would it be if the thang panned out, and we ended up related?
I can see the beauty of arranged marriages...
This is a layout I did three years ago of the two kids.
The bottom right hand photo is from when they were both just toddlers.
Their first kiss...

Here they are yesterday:
That slightly awkward, trying so hard to be cool, and NOT act like you like each other.
All the while both sets of parents mocking them.
This is one of the true joys of parenting.
The mocking.

The next day, we got up to spend the day at the beach.
I got up and went to the hotel gym.
I know!
But I really wanted a guilt-free belgium waffle for breakfast.

We ate, and headed out for the beach.
It was warmer than the day before.
It was cool enough though, that we thought we didn't need sunscreen.
Besides, we were only staying for a couple of hours...

The wind was blowing, and it was slightly overcast.
The sun was really attracted to the pasty white folks.
With no sunscreen.
We are all a beautiful shade of coral.
And one giant leap closer to skin cancer.
I realize that as parents, Sam and I are complete and utter morons.

Once we were nice and crispy, we took a drive down to La Jolla, and saw all the Pelicans?

(Big ugly birds.)
And the Sea Lions.

(Big Ugly Mini-Manatees.)
Then the kids explored the tide pools.
Covered in shirts and jackets.

They saw crabs and poked sticks into sea anemones to watch them close up.
Then we left for home.

The flight was a little painful on scorched backs and bottoms.

Glad to be home!
With Aloe Vera.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Sproing Break.

As part of our Girls Week while the boys were with Sam in Moab, I took Shianne and Mikayla over to "Jump On It."

This is a fun house type place that is stuffed into a warehouse in an industrial park.

They filled the warehouse with trampolines.

The trampolines are butted up against each other with cheap rugs and towels covering the metal outer rims of the tramps.

There are even a few trampolines leaned up against the walls, on the sides, so you can really crack your ankle good....AT AN ANGLE.

There are safety nets enclosing the area so you don't go sproinging off onto the cement floor.
I bet that slips past spell check.

This whole adventure is a broken bone waiting to happen.
I already know of three kids who have ended up in the emergency room after a short visit to "Jump On It."

I am quite sure that this place is secretly sponsored by Selectmed.

It is still a really popular place, and was jam packed when we arrived in the early afternoon.

Like most tramp places, they charge by the hour, (<--see what I did there?) and I figured as soon as I hit the front door, that an hour was about all I was going to be able to take.

It smelled like feet.
And a spicy undertone of butt.

It was very loud.

My girls had their shoes and socks off before I could hastily scrawl their names on the "do not sue us" waiver.
Off they ran, half-crazed with glee!
Needless to say, the lighting was just as craptastic as the decor.

But since I am no longer concerned about getting good photos for scrapbooking, I really didn't care.
I wasn't even going to take pictures at all, until Mikayla asked me to.
What do you say when your kids ASK to be photographed?
You oblige.
Lucky the point and shoot was stuffed into the purse, covered in gum wrappers.

I sat back on the only chair up inside of the Dome of Death.
I was getting pummelled by foam balls.
It was going to be a long hour.

There is a weight limit posted at "Jump On It."
Apparently they are a little lax on enforcing said limit.
This dude jumped heartily, and took the trampoline right down to the cement.
Sweaty Eddie just stood there.
In a hole.

Pretty soon, this dude on the staff came half running, and half skip-jumping over to the hole with some yellow hazard tape and some 2x4's to rope the busted up trampoline off with.

It took him about an hour to replace the trampoline.

In the mean time, everyone just sort-of jumped around the taped-off hole.
Sweaty Eddie felt compelled to confess to me, in my chair, and mention that he had busted through a trampoline.
(Like the whole place didn't already know.)

He said this with a measure of pride in his voice.

I told him I was sure glad it was a MAN that had happened to, because I am not sure if a woman---any woman would survive the self-esteem blow it would be to take down a trampoline.

I thanked him for the entertainment.

After my girls were good and worn out we left.

Good times had by all.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Too much of a good thing.

Costco avocados are far superior to the mangy grocery store versions.
They are large, and don't have a million "squeeze" bruises, from other shoppers.

The problem is, you have to buy them in a bag of six.
The whole bag is usually not quite ripe.
And then...they all ripen at the same time.

Last time this happened, we took that trip to Nauvoo.
Our flight left at the butt-crack of dawn, so at the last minute, I stuffed our avocados in the neighbor's mailbox.

I was sad.
I really wanted to eat them.

This time, Sam and I have been checking the avocados daily.
Dreaming of avocado sandwiches...

He left for Moab on Tuesday.
We have been waiting for them to get ripe for four days!

I wonder if really old people dare to even buy them?

Anyway, guess what?
They all got ripe yesterday.

Now I have six avocados to eat BY MYSELF.
I have been having a sandwich for lunch, and for dinner.
I have busted through 1 1/2 of them.

I really wish they would have spaced themselves out.

They are delish, but the pressure I am feeling from trying not to waste them almost overshadows the joy.

And speaking of too much of a good thing...I have kept the girls home from school for a "home" vacation, because the boys are gone to Moab with Sam.

It wasn't my best idea. (<--She says smiling through clenched teeth.)

Monday, April 06, 2009

Planning on a good week.

Remember how I quit scrapbooking?

Yeah, well I got a couple of cool, couldn't pass up, offers this last week.
I guess I am like the Michael Jordan of scrapbooking.
I retire.
I come back.
I retire again.
I try another hobby that I suck at.
And eventually I do commercials for Hanes.
Hanes? Call me!

Sam is taking the boys to Moab this week.
Annually, they head off for the hills to participate in Jeep! Safari! Week!
This event is basically an arena to roll your $30,000 jacked-up vehicle down the side of a mountain, with a beer-chugging crowd cheering you on.
But there are free tee-shirts!
Free bumper stickers.
Free Antenna balls.
And one very price-inflated hotel in town.

This hotel has a hot-tub, and a pool.
The whole greasy town comes in off the red dirt trails, covered with dust...and dunk themselves into the water.
By day two of Jeep! Safari! the water looks like Hot Cocoa.

Every year, my kids come home sporting bags of useless free swag, and ear infections.

Me and the girls stay home for a Girl's! Week!
I am anticipating a relaxing, (school sluffing) time.
Free of farting.
Free of Halo.
Free of Justice League.

There will be pedicures, and manicures.
Some fondue dipping and Twilight viewing.
There may even be a trip into the big city to The Mall.

It's going to be KRAZY. With a K.

In other news, I got a new cell phone.
I can't figure it out.
The owners manual is two inches thick.
I have been fumbling around with it, and learning very slowly.
Nothing makes me feel more like an old fart than new technology.
I still default back to my old phone for things like the alarm clock.

And speaking of old fart, I just discovered Malt O' Meal Maple and Brown Sugar.

Thanks to my friend Sarah, who scoured every store in the county to find this flavor, I picked up a box to see what the hype was.
And it is good.
Don't judge me.

Forget Hanes.
Malt O' Meal? Call me. (On my home phone.)

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

April F's Day.

Dear Mother Nature:
I do not think you are funny.
This crappy "A" snow better be GONE by the time I wake up from my nap.

Or else!!!!!!!

You should be afraid, Mother Nature.
Very afraid.
You already brought me your "other gift" yesterday.
I am not in the mood.
MELT IT OFF, lady.