37 years ago TODAY!

I came into the world.
Backwards.
"Posterior" is the medical term for my birth position.
"Painful" is the layman's term for my birth position.

My birth would prove to be a foreshadowing for everything my parents had to endure raising me.

I remember during one particularly painful time period, my Mom talking to me late one night:

"If I could just show you your life five years from now, you would see! You would see how quickly that this too shall pass. I wish I could show you...things will get better!"

The desperate cry of a mother, willing her broken child to find hope.

I am glad the crystal ball was broken then.

We laughed later, because almost exactly five years from that point, I was trapped at home with a three year old, an 18 month old, and newborn twins.

I may have committed suicide with a plastic butter knife seeing that scene.

Fast forward a few years...
The kids are less needy.
I sleep through the night.
I have "me" time now.
I really appreciate things, I may even be more mature.
I live a very blessed life.

Granted, everything droops.
I am deep in pre-menopause.
And almost needing reading glasses, or else they have just started printing things smaller...
But life is good.

My Mom was on the right track.
Things got better.
Things keep getting better.

37 is not a bad place to be.

Thanks, Mom.
Glad we both hung in there.

Merry Christmas to all the moms out there!

I am not even going to apologize for not blogging.

Hey man, when I find myself "having a life" and NOT sitting in front of the computer for entertainment, it has to be a good thing? Yes?

It is SAHM Christmas today.
I needed to publicly express my appreciation to all the school teachers and faculty who make it possible for me to regain my sanity.

Don't get me wrong, we had probably the best summer in Wadley history.
Why?
The pool pass.

I did not ONCE hear any of my kids say "I am bored."
I barely saw them this year.

Anyway, they all went back to school today.

"'Bye kids! Y'all don't come back for six hours, ya hear?!"
Even the baby.
She started first grade.
None of that half-day Kindergarten crap.

I gleefully sent them off, and now I am sitting here.
Paralyzed.
I have so many possibilities of things that I can do...by myself...that I can't do anything.

This plus the fact that I am injured.

I better back up a bit.
This:

Is my Hog.
It is a pretty sweet 1970's retro "Champ."
I like to cruise around on it.
Sam finally got it all fixed up for me this summer.
I feel like pretty hot crap on it.
Seriously.
It's awesome.
That Hog tops out at about 25 mph.
Nothing like feeling the wind whip through the hairs on your unshaven legs!

So anyway, it needs a new Petcock.
In case you are wondering, a petcock is a real thing.
Here is a picture of my petcock:

I have blogged about petcock's before.
About Sam's petcock.
HERE.
Maybe one day, everyone in our family can have their own petcocks.
That would make for a great Christmas card photo.

So my petcock is currently faulty.
It leaks.
And every once in a while, I get this random surge of power to the hog.
Well, last night, it surged as I was rounding a corner and I barely stopped myself.
Fred Flinstone like.
While I was wearing flip-flops.

The road took off the top of my toe.

There is going to be a graphic picture next.
Just warning you.
Are you ready?
If you do not like gross and inappropriate things, you are kinda on the wrong blog.
Just sayin'.
Anyway, here are my nine and a half toes:

It blew off my polish even!
The black parts may be tar or bruising.
No one can know yet.
I am not scrubbing it.
It hurt so farking bad that I took four advil and sat in the tub.

With my foot out.

I was in the tub so I could cry in peace, and blame it on the water from the jets.
No one wants to see an almost 37 year old lady bawling from an owie.
It's just embarrassing for all.

So after the Advil kicked in, I went to bed.
I wrapped it with a glob of Neosporine and a pantyliner.
Dude, it was too big of a job for a bandaid.
Don't judge.

This morning it feels a lot better.

But last night, I dreamed that I really wanted to go to the gym, so I put my toe in an old-school 35mm film canister, filled with cotton, and could still work out. YAY!

I am sick.
Who dreams about the gym?
I guess ol' Nine Toes does.

In spite of having only nine working foot digits, it is still going to be a great day here.
I will leave you with the wise words from the folks at Staples who so eloquently sum up my feelings this day:

<---here is the LINK, cause some folks are getting an error code for the above.
Enjoy!

Canada Episode II (The Tall Ships)

The reason Molly chose this particular week to go to Canada, was for the Tall Ship Festival. Every seven years, tall ships from around the globe gather in Nova Scotia.

There were ships from Russia, Barbados, Uruguay, France, Brazil...
The first day the ships ported.
All the crew members were walking around, seeing things, and also getting their ships in top shape for display.

I love uniforms.
Sigh...
This ship was full of cute little foreign sailors.

I love accents.
Sigh...
Can you see their laundry strung out over the ropes?

I love a man who does laundry.
Sigh...
Of course there was also the occasional scalawag.
My kids are fans of the occasional scalawag:

There was no rum consumed by us.
However, there was the consumption of Poutine.

Poutine is another Canadian thing.
It is basically hand-cut fries, topped with melty white cheese and gravy.
I recommend using a fork.
The first day at the port, we just walked around taking everything in.
Can you see the sailors up in the masts of the ship?
I think they are polishing the wood, or maybe scraping off barnacles.
You will see my knowledge of all things ship related is pretty vast...

The next time we went down to the port, we actually boarded some of the ships.
I am not sure how those sailors keep all the ropes straight.
There was a lot of rope.


There were also big steering wheels.
I realize they are called something other that steering wheels, but I can either google correct maritime terminology, or post pretty pictures.
You get pictures today.

Here are some inside shots of some of the boats. (Galley's perhaps?)

A swinging table:

I bet that is fun on soup day.
The kids.
On a boat.

And just to prove that they are my kids...here they are showing signs of "distracted by all things shiny" like their mother.

Here we are, in the midst of a once in a lifetime chance to see big honking ships that they don't even make anymore. And where are my kids?
Oh yeah. Fascinated by barnacles and trash in the water.

And here is another time when they ran off.
Climbing on this thing.
See the arrow I added to the photo?
It is a safety cone, with a sign attached to the safety cone that reads: "Wet Paint."

I think that was an attempt to keep kids off of the thing.


I was happy the Tall Ships were g-rated.
I have seen worse on the "Tidal Wave" boat at Lagoon.

Chivalry is not dead.
This cute sailor helped all the ladies down the steep steps.

There was a lighthouse conveniently located in the port.
Canada is very photographer friendly that way.

The last day we spent in the port, was the Parade of Ships.
The ships left the port, in full sail.
It was amazing!
Everyone just grabbed a spot to sit wherever they could.
The whole port was crawling with people.
And cameras.
And very impressive zoom lenses.
We chose some pointy butt-stabbing rocks.

The pointy rocks were home to many creatures.
There was a sneaky mink? looking thing that would pop up every once in a while, to the kids' amusement.

I didn't even care about my sore bum.
You know why?
Cause this:

And this:

And this one was our favorite:


We were seated quite a distance away from the main drag, and this ship sailed clear over our way. Everyone cheered!
Thanks Sagres(from Portugal)!
You guys rock.
Avast!
All hail off the port bow!
(All my sea-lingo knowledge comes from Pirates of the Caribbean.)

More pretty ships:


This one is the Cisne Branco.
It is from Brazil.

I made sure to wait until the Brazilian flag unfurled to take the photo.
With a special shout-out to my cousin Kim, who lived in Brazil.
You're welcome!
I think I deserve a hot-tub party for thinking of you.
Call me!
Commencing with the parade:



A little palate cleanser:

And moving on...


And I have approximately 766 more breath taking photos of Tall Masted Ships...
But this concludes this epic and photo heavy post.
Yaaaaaar Welcome.

Holla.

Interrupting the Canada trip report to say:
"I have finished school shopping."
For
FIVE
kids.

I still need some random supplies from the lists we will be getting from their teachers, but dang! pants, shirts, shoes, undies and socks.
All on a budget.

I deserve something.