"Fair" Warning

Occasionally, when I have a blog post in my head, I am a little hesitant to post it.
I know there are certain people that read my blog that get uncomfortable with some of my subject material.
We have covered it before, but you need to know, that on the inside...I am a 12 year old boy.
That being said, this post is going to be about The State Fair and What I Found Amusing, and there will be talk of balls.

Fair warning.

(Pun intended.)
I also want to state for the record that in spite of the fact that our family deliberately sluffed Stake Conference: (I was not inclined to showing up 1/2 hour early, to sit in a packed echo-y gymnasium next to the lady who rolls out a carpet race-track and a shoebox full of hot wheels to entertain her unrestricted kids. Yes, that happened last year. And yes, that is my justification for not going.) we instead chose to drive up the canyon and enjoy God's creations.
And perfectly toasted marshmallows.

Hey man, I have already done my visiting teaching for this month.
Go ahead and look at the calendar.
It is not the 30th.
For my non-Mormon friends, all you need to know is that given the choice between the cool breezes of exhalation, and the fiery flames of hell...I am sitting right on the fence, in the middle.

So, onto the State Fair.

We chose a Saturday, and it was nice and overcast.
When you first walk in, there was this:

Some salmonella, right off the bat.
Nothing like a Car-B-Q.
Chickens on a spit, right where people can, uh...spit.
Pass.
But the food-borne illnesses are not all that attracts folks to the State Fair.
There are first class performers, from all over the globe.
Take for instance the Seal Show.
All the way from Tallahassee, Florida!

I am not sure what kind of pansy-ass seals they have in Florida, but this show was shut down shortly after we got there.
The reason?

It started to rain.

Our nice overcast day, started pouring on us.
I guess that rain is dangerous for seals.
That, and the wet started to make old yellow pants a little see-through.

We took cover.

Hoping it would blow over.
We finally gave in, and went inside some of the side-show buildings and tents.
The one closest to us housed some random taxidermy.
First rate taxidermy, might I add.
I call this little guy "Beaver, Beaver, Broken-Finger."

You can see why:

This next picture cost me $1.00 to take.
My kids are getting too old to voluntarily subject themselves to photographic humiliation.
They want cold, hard cash.

Off to the animal barns! And really, the only reason I insist we attend the State Fair every year.
First off, the sheep.
And what sheep they were!

A different angle for your viewing pleasure.

And while the children and I giggle hysterically, Sam usually acts disgusted, and walks several paces in front or behind us.
Here are some puff ball bunnies, but I mostly added the photo so you could see the grin on Brendan's face.
(This was right after that astounding sheep pen.)
He is my son.
Through and through.

Here is the poultry pen.
Sam has this thing for birds.

He thinks he can talk to them.
He sucks his teeth, and does these little chirping sounds.
And he thinks WE are weird for being fascinated by giant balls?
Please...

Speaking of strange.
I think the fair is where the carnival people go on the off-season.

You can get your teeth whitened.
Professionally.
In a canvas tent.

Next to these guys.
Selling glass tchotchkes.
Tchotchkes are another word for:
gewgaws
knickknacks
or tacky trinkets.
Otherwise known as "things my children beg me for, and then promptly break five paces from the vendor, thus causing the child to blame a sibling for the demise of the treasured item."

The fair is prime people watching.
There was this guy, the WTH of the State Fair 2011.

And this random guy, who was not part of any side show that we saw.
Just walking the Fair with his herd of poop-bag wearing geese.

The back of his shirt was spray-painted with the word "Coach."
We couldn't find any sort of connection for that.
I am pretty sure he also drives an ice cream truck.

The only food we indulged in was deep fried Twinkies.
Other food options were:
Deep fried Snickers.
Deep fried Oreos.
Deep fried Kool-Aid (you got me on that one.)
And the pièce de résistance: Deep fried BUTTER.
For reals.
Someone thought it would be cholesterolically possible to deep fry a cube of butter, and eat it on a stick.
Now, I am the first person to admit that toast to me, is just a vehicle for melted butter, but people....really?
Deep.
Fried.
Butter.
Here is our little family group shot:

And see the sign in the background for the "Giant Gator?"
Sam forked out the 75 cents a person to go see it.
I opted to wait outside.
He said it was the best money he has ever spent.
I don't want to spoil it for you, in case this side-show ends up at your State Fair.
The kids said it resembled a dusty sleeping stuffed animal that may or may not have been attached to an extension cord.

I put my foot down when Sam broke the wallet out for the "Giant Snake Lady! Half Woman, Half Hideous Reptile!"
He sulked all the way home.
I am using the hope of seeing the snake lady as fodder to get him to take me back the the fair next year.

Always a good time had by all.