Well, I still have a lot of kids...but back those few, short years they were much needier.
I had four kids under three at one time.
I remember bits and pieces of those days...enough to make me twitchy.
(paint)
Anyway. I survived.
Part of what made me survive, was the light at the end of the tunnel.
That light!
The light that one day...all my kids would be in school, and I would be free!
Free!!
Free to be whatever I wanted to be, do whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it.
Ahhh the light...
So this year was THE! YEAR!
I put Mikayla (my baby) in school.
They have all been going to school now for a couple of months.
They don't need me like they did.
And guess what, folks?
I have more time now and yet I have gotten nothing done.
Not in a good vacation-y way.
Nothing as in I can't seem to get my crap together.
Everyday I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water.
I forget appointments.
The laundry is never done.
Dinner comes from boxes and cans most of the time.
I seriously can't get a rhythm or routine down.
I am worse now, with the kids in school, than I was with all of them home, it seems.
Sigh...
Here I was, waiting and longing for another stage of life, and it turned out to be, well, nothing.
It is like trying to hold smoke in your hands.
I don't have many regrets from the life I left behind.
I genuinely enjoyed having all my little kids at home with me.
And with no mommy medication, I might proudly add. (thank you Mountain Dew)
But I wonder, if this is how life is?
How you look forward to the grass that appears greener on the other side of the fence, and when you finally make it there, is it always different from what you thought it would be?
I will be so happy when I graduate!
And I started a full-time job, and missed the carefree life of a student.
I will be so happy when we get married!
Okay, that was good.
I will be happy when I lose weight...
Guess what? I feel like the same person.
You get the idea.
Struggling with trying to keep my crap together, Sam and I had a long talk.
He thought it would be a good idea for me to cut things out of my life that seem important, but really aren't.
So, I am trying to find a balance.
I am trying to enjoy the present more.
I have been cutting out obligations with my scrapbook "work."
Spending more Friday nights with the kids, instead of working in my studio.
I have been trying to simplify.
I just don't want to have regrets when I cross into the next lap of this race.
13 comments:
Go you! ...and seriously, I still don't know how you survived that many kids so close together.
I hear you. It's why I left my commitment - it was absorbing too much of my friday night/saturday. I feel like a new woman!
that is the key.... finding balance.
Again, It is like I am reading about my life. I too put my baby in Kindergarten and thought "Now I will get so much done" but sadly that is soooo not the case. I was looking forward to this year and yet I still seem stuck in the same old same old. Anyway I just wanted you to know that it's refreshing to read that another mom has your exact same thoughts and feelings and that it's normal and ok. Thanks for all the solacea and laughter I find from reading your blog.
Right there with you. When my babies started 1st grade and were in school a full day I just knew I would have more time for me however that never really seemed to happen. Just remember to take one day at a time and enjoy each little moment you can and if that mean cutting things out just do it you will feel better. You blink and another year is gone and you wonder where it went just seems wrong doesn't it?
I loved this post. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who feels like life isn't always in control. I think your doing a fabulous job.
Isn't it ironic that the hardest thing in the world to do is to simplify your life? I say, who cares if dinner comes from a box. It's all about doing what's best at the time. Nobody's going to remember what you had for dinner on Tuesday, but you can bet your kids will remember that you played football with them on the lawn!
I am right there with you. Trying to enjoy the moment. I don't want to waste what I have now.
I totally get what you mean!! I'm still trying to balance it all. Usually when my hubby's home I'm more motivated to do stuff around the house, but then we don't spend time together.... **SIGH**
Oh yeah, I'm right there with you! I made the mistake of thinking that going back to work when my baby went to preschool last year would be the thing to do. 10 months later, I finally, finally get it, quit my job, and sooooo appreciate this time in my life now! It will happen, but balance and prioritizing is definitely the key!
such cute pics of the kids ... even if they are getting into no good! i agree with everyone ... finding balance in life these days is hard. i struggle with it all the time ... and i know i'm not spending as much time on some things that i should be. i think it's great that you can narrow some things down and find what works for you!
I only have 2 home all day now. I thought the same thing. I would get things done! Not so...I am busier now than ever. It makes me very sad to think of my baby going to kindergarten though. So I am happy to hear it doesn't make any difference in getting things done.
Great post - I wonder why it's so hard just to be content in the stage we're in? I'm working harder at that! :)
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