So today is apparently my 34th birthday. All this past year I have thought I was 32, and would be turning 33, but I guess not. I figured that one out last night when I was making my own birthday cake at quarter to eleven at night. I did the math, well, actually my ten year old did, and he is pretty good at math....

So I guess technically, I lost a whole year today.

Par for the course, cause I think birthdays suck anyway.

On a lighter note, I found out that high-waisted pants are back in. That means my whole stay at home mom wardrobe just got *that* much more valuable.

We love animals.

"Mom, when do you think that Fluffy will pass away?"

Totally cracked me up in that I-can't-laugh-out-loud-cause-he is-serious kind of way...cause what seven year old kid says "pass away"??!

" Well, Shayne, the pet store man told me guinea pigs live about five years, and we have had fluffy for a little over a year, so I guess another four years or so."

I am so not a pet person. My kids begged....I did the research. I did not need an animal with a life expectancy of more than five years. When the novelty wears off, it becomes mom's responsibility. Dogs-no. Cats-no. Hamsters--look too much like the mice that occasionally send me into cold sweats of FEAR. Fish-ideal, but been there, flushed that. Thus, the guinea pig.


"Why, honey?"

Thinking this will sprout into one of those touching, Hallmark moments.

"I was just thinking about other new pets we can have when Fluffy is done."

Cool shirts.

It is a dream come true, for a scrapper, to be on a design team, and have new product, AWESOME product shipped right to your door to scrap with, whenever your little heart desires.

Karen Foster has been so good to me. I love the product, love the people I get to work with. It seems like they are mind-readers sometimes, I think "it would be nice to have a paper line for all my camping pictures" and they come out with it. And the rhinestone brads---we all know how I feel about those. They are coming out with something at Memory Trends that I am dying for....when I can spill it I will, but keep your eyes open...

I am content.
I am happy.
Karen Foster fulfills all my needs(--scrapwise.)

And now, my fine readers--they have branched out into clothing. Shirts I never knew that I always wanted. Cool scrap shirts. Doodly coolness. They are the thick tee-shirts. This baby will stand up to all my post-crop washings! Heh, heh..

You can see them and order them here:

http://www.scrapbookpaper.com/tek9.asp?pgID=1&pg=products&pbk=1&grp=554

If they made sweat pants I would think I had died and gone to heaven.

I could get into this...

My new gym routine:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv5zWaTEVkI

(Thanks Pam!)

Happy Friday everyone!

I am sorry for the frightening photo in the last post. I thought it was funny, but Sam said that is the stuff nightmares are made of.

My thought today is:

Who came up with the sound the dryer makes when a load is done? It has to be the RUDEST sound I have ever heard. And annoying. And truly, it makes me a little mad. I am going about my day, or watching a show, or on the phone--or simply lost in my own thoughts, and.......

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECKKKKKKKK! (cometakecareofmeRIGHTNOW)

Why didn't they put some type of a pretty chime in there? Something nice.

I hate that sound.

smile.

The backpacks are filled, the hair is combed, the breakfast is eaten.....
...and they are OFFFFF!!!

Suddenly, the sun is shining brighter, the birds are singing in the trees....the day is full of limitless possiblilities.

My toddler is still asleep.

I have the whole house to myself!

I am giddy. Six hours. Tra-la-la-la-la...

Happy First Day of School!!

Getting back on the wagon.

Since the whole house remodel, I have fallen off the Gym wagon. I kept going the first part of summer, and had grand intentions of continuing, but finally, my hundred daily excuses won out. I have no willpower... none.

With the heat, and the busy-ness of summer, one would think that my weight would simply maintain itself, until I could get back to humiliating myself once again on a public treadmill.

But, no. I am quite sure I have gained, although, part of the house remodel included me moving the full-length mirror into the garage. And ditching the scale. I will ENJOY the summer this year, by darn!! I will not let my poor self-image hold me back from playing with my kids.


And enjoy it I did. I ate like I just escaped a concentration camp. We sat and watched a lot of great movies. We camped, and played, and splashed in the water. And I personally did a whole lot of nothing.

So, alas, the time has come for me and the gym to get reacquainted. I am not really excited about it. But, I am ready to feel healthier, and more in control, and have some energy that wasn't injected into my veins courtesy of Pepsi-Cola.

Wish me luck, and motivation. I'm going to need it.

School starts in...

Two days, 20 hours and 25 minutes.....

I think a lesser mom would feel sad about four of her five darlings leaving the home each day.

But, I, RMOTY (reigning mother of the year) know that one should be excited. Not because I will soon have six hours a day to myself, oh no, but because of the wonderful educational and social opportunity public school provides for my offspring. Heh, heh...

Top Ten Reasons School is Great:

10) The dance festival. Anytime I can subject my boys to slicking their hair back, putting on a button up shirt, and holding hands with a cootie-infested GIRL, all the while shuffling along supposedly following dance steps to "Achy Breaky Heart" that there is good stuff.

9) The Art work. Portraits of me drawn by my children have evolved from a perky stick person, to a more realistic blimp-like and slightly overweight housewife.

8) The essays. "What I Did this Summer" And didn't they do a horror movie based on this? I love reading about what they think were the highlights...."and then Mom screemd hur hed off when she see ar nu pet snak in the tub."

7) The silence. Oh the blessed, blessed silence. The first week my ears bleed in adjustment.

6) Lunch dates with friends, that do not include dragging the riff-raff, and paying for food that will get boxed up in styrofoam containers and eventually left stashed under the seat in the Suburban.

5) School Pictures. I love the traditional "say cheese" portrait, with the occasional cheeto-orange mouth because pictures were after lunch.

4) New stuff. Clothes, back-packs, friends.

3) That my kids start using toothpaste and soap again, cause their teacher told the whole class about a cool thing called "high-jean."

2) The phone calls from potential (girl)friends. "Hi, is Jayden there...(giggle, giggle) "Yeah, hold on...."(ohmygoshSHEISGETTINGHIM!!!) *Click*

1) Yes. The SIX GLORIOUS HOURS of mommy time. Sometimes it even includes a nap.



Top Ten Reasons School is Crap:

10) Homework. I graduated, and here I am, getting my GED again.

9) Making school lunches. Every night.

8) Waking up early. From a nocturnal family, this is such a huge and painful adjustment.

7) Reports and posters that are usually due the next day.

6) Parent/Teacher conferences. Do you think they purposefully sit you in the tiny chairs for intimidation purposes?

5) Finding shoes and clean socks. Just the thought has my blood pressure rising already.

4) Catching every cold/obnoxious phrase (I know you are, but what am I)/infection that comes down the pike.

3) The Maturation Program. I have a fifth-grader this year, and I am already dreading the "Talk."

2) The dramatics of the girl. The on and off again friendships. The eye-ball rolls. The "you just don't understand!!!" The bawling.

1) Cause I actually do miss them.

Enabler Alert

Karen Foster sent all the designers an e-mail this afternoon letting us in on this clearance deal they are running with this online site. We could share with friends and family....which would be YOU! Awesome deals! Chipboard mini-albums for $1.50......?!! And that is just *one* of the deals.....Stock up, cause when it is gone, it's gone. Here is the link!

http://www.scrapbookpaper.com/tek9.asp?pgID=1&pg=products&pbk=1&grp=525

Enjoy!!

And then there was light.

I have light again in the kitchen! I thought I was going to cry, when the electrician flipped the switch, and 60 watts burst into life.

He must have been able to finally see the half-crazed cave woman from under the glow of the single, miraculous electric bulb. Or maybe it was when all five of the half-naked native children came out of the woodwork to dance and pray thanksgiving.

Eeeeeee! Light!!

Either way he left in a hurry.

Feel Great with Fiber

*This blog entry brought to you courtesy of the back of the box of Kelloggs (insertcopywritethingie) All Bran with Yogurt Bites*

Digestive Health

The time is now to pay attention to your digestive system. Located in the center of our bodies, it affects everything, but you probably dn't acknowledge it unless something goes wrong. If you are feeling bloated, sluggish, rundown, out-of-sorts, or a simple bullet away from escaping your home remodel (okay, I added the last part..) your body and especially your digestive system may be trying to tell you something.

What Upsets the Digestive System?

*Stress- stressful situations (coughcoughhomeremodelcough), and in particular, continued(whenthehelldoesitend) stress may upset your digestive system.

*Maturity- With age, the environment in the colon changes (getsfreakingsquishedfromhavingbabiessitonit), which increases the need for fiber to keep it in balance. And remember to drink plenty of water. Or mountain dew.

*Diet- Certain foods, especially those rich in fat and protein (andchocolateandflavor) can upset your digestive system. Rushing meals and eating on the go can also have an effect. (?!!)


My friend Jenn (Hi, Jenn) turned me on to this cereal, and I am here to tell you that this stuff works. If you need help getting the party started, um, below--then grab a box of this stuff. It tastes okay. I mean, its not Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch, but it doesn't taste like the box it comes in either.

Just look at the lady on the box. Arms crossed over bloated and painfully distended abdomen. Gassy? No doubt. Look at the pained expression on her face.... "Hurry and take the mother-freaking photo, I have more gas than the Texaco." Notice her breakfast companion. Casual. Happy. Probably did his "business" twice already, and it isn't even noon.

Fiber--are you getting enough?

The miracle.

One day the crane came back, to put the roof(s) back on the new addition. We had a large gathering, mostly family and my SAHM peeps that thought it would bring some variety to their otherwise ordinary day.

Sam and my Dad are up in the new addition. They are brandishing 2x4's like little kids under a pinata, pushing and turning the roof until it was finally in position.

Then all the spectators hear a pop. It sounded like a nail gun, but it was actually the cable HOLDING THE ROOF.....snapping. "That can't be good," my dad says, not really knowing what the sound was. The crane operator was white as a sheet. There was nothing that could be done, but to finish placing the roof. So they did.

They pulled the cable in. There are 7 strands of cable wrapped into one large twisted mass. Five of the seven strands had snapped. Two strands, about the size of juice box straws, were all that were holding the roof from crashing down on the new addition, my Dad, and my husband.

The cables are tested every year, to 48,000 pounds. They estimate my roof to weigh in at about 5000. It should have never, ever snapped.

Miracle? Yes.

Not only would I be out a husband and a dad, but who would have finished my broken-down house?!

Afterwards, Sam asked me if I was snapping pictures of the whole process, (which is really sort-of offensive, considering my job) and I said of course I was.

Him: "So, would you have kept taking pictures if the roof would have fallen on me"
Me: "Yeah, probably."
Him: "Would you have scrapbooked it?"
Me: "Well....out of respect, I probably would have waited a year, and then I would have done a mini-album."

Priorities, people.

I wish this day would just end already.

Today was a scorcher.

Ordinarily I would be camped out underneath the useless swamp cooler vent, thumbing through a magazine and waiting for the sun to go down so I don't have to chew my air...all the while cursing the fact that we don't have central air like normal folk.

But, with the whole remodel thing, WE DON'T EVEN HAVE THE LUXURY OF A STUPID SWAMP COOLER. Truly, this day has been a suck-fest.

We have no electricity in the main level. And today, the plumbers came. Suddenly, we had no water. With the timely rain that flooded my entire kitchen, I have the pungent odor of molding towels wafting through the sweltering air. Add that to the infestation of flies, which I am CONVINCED are Satan's minions... seriously, I am sitting on the couch, holding a fly swatter, and a fly actually chose to LAND on my mother-freaking LIP!! My LIP!! WTH? Did it want me to kill it? Cause you can bet your left one that I chased that thing around and sent its butt smashing through its head with the swatter.

The plumbers stuck a ladder up in front of the fridge, blocking off my Mountain Dew supply. I think that was the last straw.

You know, we have had several people, friends and neighbors that have offered us assistance..."If you need anything at all, just holler." I am pretty sure that would not include me and my five kids showing up at the doorstep to relieve our bowels in their toilets. Even if we do bring our own toilet paper. There are some lines that just aren't meant to be crossed in society.

So it's been a crappy day.

No pun intended.

A conversation

Standing in the bathroom, that has no electricity, and is illuminated by the scant natural light that is coming in from the hall...

Jayden (newly 10), just woke up(at 11), practically chipping the porcelain peeing in the toilet.

Me: Nice of you to finally wake up, lazy boy.
Him: Nice bad hair day.
Me: Nice morning breath.
Him: Nice cheek zit.

Pride exits, Mom follows.