A Better Post Will Be Forthcoming

Listen you guys.
I know I haven't been around much.
I have been doing stuff.
Crafty stuff for CHA.
And anti-hoarder stuff for, well, humanity.
Since Christmas, I have been de-junking.
And in de-junking, I have run across many old things...old love notes from Sam when we were dating, stick figure drawings from the kids, someone's baby tooth...
I have been crying a lot.
Stupid hormones.

Anyway, I leave tomorrow for CHA.
HERE is a link to my accounting of CHA from a couple of years ago.
I will be taking a camera.

I don't mean to brag, but I will be meeting Tori Spelling.
At a fancy invitation-only dress-up reception.

I am embarrassed to say that I never watched 90210, and I really haven't caught any episodes of her "Tori and Dean" show on Oxygen or wherever it is.
I am not sure what to say to her.
In fact, the only thing I think of when I hear the name "Tori Spelling" is that she has been in every magazine everywhere when they do a "Plastic Surgery Gone Bad" feature.

Apparently she is releasing a Jewelry or craft-type line at CHA.
I was unclear.
I just hope she makes enough money doing her line to fix herself.
Or that her line features very distracting cleavage necklaces.

Also, I hope I don't make a fool of myself.
Whenever I go to something fancy I feel like one of the Clampetts.

P. S.
I took those shoes back to the thrift store, and got my five bucks back!
They put them back on the shelf.
(?!!!)

Thrift Store Shopping.

It is no secret that I love thrift store shopping!

I used to hold onto the stigma that thrift store shopping was gross, and just a glorified yard sale.
But, we have an awesome thrift store, near the gym.
My gym partner Ponica and I would often frequent the thrift store after our work-out, to find treasures.
We started in on the clothes one day, and I was hooked!

Here is what I like about thrift store clothes.
They have been washed and worn. And broken in.
Nothing bugs me more than buying a sweater from a department store, wearing it once, and then washing it...and having it turn into an oddly shaped muffin-top baring, arms tourniquet.
I don't like to lay my damp sweaters out on those mesh drying racks.
I don't like to have to try and remember if my shirt can't be dried in the dryer.
I can barely remember my pin number.
Clothes maintenance shouldn't require space in my brain.

Enter the thrift store.
When you try something on, that is exactly how it is going to fit.
Forever.
Also, when you can score designer jeans?

Original price $178.00

My cost: Six bucks.
I have gotten tons and tons of brand name shirts, jeans, slacks, skirts and shoes for dirt cheap.
It is also the thrill of "the hunt" that makes it so fun.
And also the occasional "WTH is this?"
Thrift stores often have very odd items of clothing.

I went thrifting on Saturday.
I found a dang cute pair of shoes.

They hadn't even been worn!

Five bucks!
My size. Comfortable wedge heel.
I was pretty excited about them.
I thought they would look cute with my black skirt, black textured tights, and gray cardigan.
So in the cart they happily went!

You have to be careful in the thrift store.
I once wore a pair of shoes into the store that were kinda uncomfortable to walk around in. It was my first time wearing them. I had purchased them previously from the thrift store for $6.
My sisters and I were planning on spending the rest of the day shopping, so I took those shoes off, and tried on some other shoes at the thrift store that might be better for our shop-til-you-drop.
I found a pair that felt okay, so I tested them out, and walked up the aisle and back a few times.
When I came back, MY SHOES were gone.

Someone was buying them, apparently.

The shoes I was trying out, were tagged $6, so I just wore them out of the store, and called it a good trade.
I kinda wanted to chase down the people buying my shoes, and tell them they were uncomfortable!

Anyway, always keep your real shoes and clothes in your cart when you are at the thrift store.
I clump around in the shoe department, with my right foot-shoe off, ready to try on shoes, and the left foot still in my own shoe.
People are less likely to purchase one single shoe.
So far.

Back to my cute new shoes.
Sunday morning dawns.
I shower, do my hair, slap some make-up on, and start getting dressed.
On goes the cardigan, skirt, tights....and WHAT?
I can't get the left shoe on.
Internets, there have been some mornings where literally overnight, I can bloat up, and not fit into my jeans.
They are not good mornings.
And some mornings, overnight,  you feel too jiggly to pull off a tight shirt.
I get it.
But shoes? My feet have never bloated before?
This was new.
I tried to do the Cinderella Step-Sister thing, and squeeze into them.
You can't suck foot fat in.
I totally know they fit in the store!

I double checked the size.
Yep, a size 8....and oh, wait a minute....the left foot? Size 6.
Which explains why they had never been WORN.
A 6 and an 8.

Who the crap donated those shoes to the thrift store, and thought it was the right thing to do?

Did they think, that by some miracle, some woman plagued with a rare foot disease in which one foot is normally sized, and the other is shriveled and withered, would find those shoes and quickly snatch them up, grateful for the miracle?

I am taking them back.
Five bucks is five bucks.

About Customer Service and Christmas Money

I have had a couple of experiences lately that have made me think about customer service.
A while back I ran across this website that runs daily deals.
Deals that are limited in number, and when they are sold, they are gone.
It is called "Pick Your Plum."
I am sure you all have a similar one bookmarked- it seems like a million of them have popped up.
This particular one is geared towards girly/crafty things, (headbands, jewelry, project kits) so I have placed a bunch of orders with them over the course of the past few months.
(No, I am not being compensated in any way to endorse their site.)
I was just pleasantly surprised when I opened my first order from them.
It shipped quickly and when I opened the package, it was packaged carefully- each item bagged with a handmade tag stamped with the company logo.
And the best part?
A Laffy Taffy dropped out of the package.

A tiny little unexpected treat all for meeeeee!
And I am not sure how they knew, but they picked the banana flavor.
My favorite.
I am not saying that next time I crave Laffy Taffy, I am going to place an order with them.
Well, maybe.
You can always win me over with candy.
But it put a smile on my face.
That little something extra.
I am hesitant to link you to the site, since they have limited supplies of "deals" and I will now have to beat you all to them!
But I can whole-heartedly back that company.
Great prices. Cheap shipping.
I have e-mailed them with questions, and have gotten a quick response.
I am sure they do a lot of business, but they made me feel like I was one of their favorite customers.
You don't see that a lot anymore.

Take for instance Satan's Warehouse.
I was there one evening with a friend of mine, who has to be the nicest person on the planet.
That being said, I watched her, as we shopped, gradually morph from Pollyanna into a crusty troll.
If the mix of crappy music, constant overhead cashier pages, and screaming children weren't enough, it seems like that place periodically moves an entire department to another area of the store, just to "mix things up a little."
The employees, if you can find them, and if you can speak their native tongue, which is never English, can't seem to locate the items you are looking for either.
They give you the deer-in-headlights-stare, coupled with a shoulder shrug.
Occasionally, you can get one who will volunteer to "help you find it."
And then proceed to lead you over to the area you already just scoured, and then tell you "Gosh, I am just not sure. Let me call a CSM (Walmart speak for customer service manager) for you." 
Which is code for "You are going to hear me page out on my little black phone, and then I am going to disappear forever."
Anyway, back to my friend.
When we did locate her items almost all of them were out of stock.
No lie.
Just an empty space where they should be.
Some of her items she begrudgingly substituted with something else, but a good portion, she knew she would have to come back for another day.
I watched her physically and mentally wilt.
And finally, when we approached the check-out, she had reached her limit of patience and compassion.

Now, I am not sure about the timing of things in life.
Sometimes fate has a funny way of working things.
They must have had a recent staff-meeting on customer service, because the first thing our chipper checker ( and the ONLY checker, with a line stretching back to layaway) said to us was....wait for it....

"Did you find everything alright this evening?"

The proverbial dam burst.
My usually mellow friend let loose on the poor cashier.

"Why do you even ask that? Are you going to physically leave your little perch and help me find something if I asked? Are you going to pretend that you even know where anything is in this store? Do they MAKE YOU SAY THAT?!!"

The poor cashier rang her items up with lightening speed.
My friend, having released those pent-up frustrations, apologized to the cashier (and the 632 people in line behind us)--while she bagged her own items.
I just sat back and ate my Rolo's.

My friend apologized to me in the car.
"I am sorry you had to be there for that. I am not sure what is wrong with me- that place just frustrates me every time."

Preaching to the choir, sister.

You can talk to employees all you want about customer service, and match every ad, but bottom line is walking the walk.
And with no competition to speak of, what is the motivation?

That is why I was blown away this week by another example of excellent customer service.
(Again- not being compensated to state my opinion here.)
I placed my first order with an online stamps and etc. company "Papertrey Ink."
I have often gone to their site, and made a mental wish-list.
But truth be told, I have so stinking much scrapbooking crap that I could never justify paying for more.
And I am not really a stamper.
I just love the style on the site.
Everything is so pretty.
And they don't use cheesy fonts on their stamps.
No Comic Sans, or Brush Script.

Well, lately I have been doing a lot of cards, and cards need a sentiment.
I do this complicated text box thing in Word.
I make a phrase, measure it to fit a tag, print it....then adhere the tag to the printed phrase, and run it back through the printer again.
Sometimes it shifts.
And I curse.
And then have to die cut another tag, and attempt running it again.
So I thought to myself, "Man, it would sure be nice if there was a various sentiment stamp set that fit these tags."

Well there is.
Here:
Tiny Tags

And here:
Tiny Tags II

And also a die set that fits all the stamps perfectly.

So I used my Christmas money, and bought them all!

Let me insert a small insight here, on the Christmas money thing.
My parents give me and my sisters Christmas money, with certain restrictions.
You have to spend the money on YOURSELF.
No bills, or household expenses.
And it is an unwritten restriction, that you must spend it on something slightly frivolous.
Something you have wanted for a while, but have not been able to justify it into the household budget.
They like it when you report back on what you spent the money on.
Once I bought a vacuum.
It was not well received.

So these stamps were perfect for me.
It's kinda like the story of the toilet seat.
I am going to use the heck out of these things, and why didn't I treat myself to them long ago?

I happily placed the order, and three days later, the package was sitting on my porch.
Inside the box, each item was individually wrapped in tissue paper, just like Christmas!

I want you to look closer.
Enclosed in the tissue is a real live "Thank You" card.
Hand-signed by the owner of the company, and some employees, I presume.
Thanking me for my order.
"We look forward to exceeding your expectations in both quality and service."
(Um, you already have.)

Also in the package?
A free "Thank You" stamp set.
There is nothing on their website, baiting you to order.
"Order now, and get this FREE STAMP SET."
It was a pleasant surprise.
My order was only forty bucks, but my business was appreciated.

Kinda refreshing.
Now, I don't expect "freebies" or candy to make me a returning customer, but there has got to be a happy medium between that and bag-your-own-groceries.

I still have Christmas money to spend.

Hello 2012!

Or as the cool kids say "twenty-twelve."
Unless you automatically just read the title like that to begin with.
I didn't.
I still say "two thousand, twelve."
To be completely honest, I have to admit that I  actually say "two thousand eleven."
It will take me until at least April to peg the right year down.
Wow.
A whole paragraph about nothing!

Here is another.
I just drank a bag of chips.
You know how nothing is left in the bag, but the crumbs and super concentrated flavoring powder?
Usually people throw the bag away at that point.
Not I.
I drink it.
I also really love the last bowl of cereal.
The bowl that is crumbs and then when you add milk it turns into instant mush, with lots of sugar.

My diet plan is going great, thanks for asking.

I am knee-deep in projects for CHA.
Here is a CHA recap, from a couple of years ago, if you are curious what it is all about:
CHA 2009
It is basically a trade-show for crafting.
Good stuff!
I am busy making projects for it, and then I will be going to the show to work a booth.
Awesome people watching in my immediate future.

I dug myself out for a minute here, to say hello.
And also because I have lost my adhesive gun.

It is the size of a standard house cat.
And it is LOST on my counter.

It looks like an episode of Hoarders in here.
And I look like a contestant on the Biggest Loser, what with my sweatpants and Cheeto-dust cleavage.

Back to my projects!

Choose the Right

I am starting out a new year, with a new Primary class in church.
They have me teaching the eight and nine year old kids.
Totally right up my alley, since that is about the brain level I am on myself.

The lesson manual I use this year, really focuses the first few lessons on "CTR."
"CTR" is the Mormon equivalent of "WWJD?"
The letters "CTR" stand for "Choose the Right."
We have songs about it, jewelry, and tee-shirts.
And vinyl wall-art, and pillow-cases, and probably underwear.

I once saw a girl with a fancy "CTR" tramp-stamp, which is about the biggest oxymoron I have seen in all my 40 years, as my religion is opposed to tattoo's.

Anyway....I made a poster (8x10) and a hand-out (4x6) for my new class.
I thought I would share it, in case anyone else out there would like their own copy.
You can right click on the image, save it, upload it to a photo center, and have it printed.
The first image is the poster, sized to be printed as an 8x10, and the next image is sized as a 4x6.
If you have any issues downloading or whatever, shoot me a comment, or an e-mail, and I will try to help you.

Wish me luck on my new class.
The first few weeks are like herding kittens.
Kittens on Red Bull.

Tapering Off the Sugar Makes Me Grouchy.

Someone needs to wire my jaw shut.
For many reasons.
I am eating everything that is not nailed down. I don't even like plain M&M's....but they are right there....
Someone gave us a gourmet caramel apple.
It is so pretty!
Dunked in chewy caramel, then coated in white chocolate, and then generously sprinkled in glittering cinnamon-sugar.
I found the apple to be in my way.
All I really wanted was the candy it was wrapped in.
'Tis the season where fruits and vegetables are for suckers! Give me carbs! And sweet, sweet, sugar.

And here is the other reason it would probably serve all of humanity to have my jaw wired shut.
I have a few Holiday Season vents I would like to share.

Unexpected gift givers: I have found there are only a couple of ways to deal with unanticipated offerings: A-keep on hand several generic pre-wrapped gifts to do the instant exchange with, or B- re-gift. Either way requires lying. "Oh my gosh! You! Let me get YOUR gift, Merry Christmas, you!"

Caroling: Seriously folks, nothing is more uncomfortable than a surprise attack of carolers. It is awkward for everyone involved. I have been on both ends of the awkwardness. On the performing end, you are forced to plaster on a fake smile that says "I love this! I love giving! And freezing!"
There is always a handful of people in the group that really do have singing talent, they are needed to drown out the rest of the people that were suckered into the group. They belt out those tunes, like that are auditioning for Broadway! They know all the words to  "Good King Wenceslas." They often own things like woolen ascots, or faux fur muffs. They live for this crap!

To be on the receiving end is equally painful. Maybe more-so.

Here you are, minding your own business, just barely sitting down on the couch to take in an episode of Modern Family, when the doorbell rings. The porch is crowded with strangers and an occasional acquaintance who burst into song simultaneously the minute the door cracks. Surprise!
How many songs are they going to sing?
Don't they know we have radio now?
Do you invite them in? Thank them? WHAT IS THE PROTOCOL?
Must I whip up some glog or Wassail?

Wassail: Take some perfectly good, ice cold, refreshing apple juice, spike it with some bark and seed pod shards, boil it up on the stove until it smells and tastes just like a Glade Plug-in. Serve it up!
Everyone loves it!
Yeah...no one on my team loves it. I think if you are on team Wassail, I can safely assume you also enjoy raisins junking up your cinnamon rolls, and secretly enjoy the occasional slice of fruitcake.

Odd batteries not included: I get it that manufacturers don't include batteries in things. The batteries can go bad quickly, or even leak and ruin the product. But for the love, please use normal batteries if you are not going to include them. Nothing is worse than getting something unwrapped on Christmas morning to find that it needs a 9-volt, or a CR123.


Gifts that require intentional post-Christmas exchanging: "I thought this sweater looked just like you, but they didn't have your size." Better yet, when the well-meaning giver buys you a size XS, when the entire world can plainly see what a pipe dream THAT is.

Even more annoying is when it is not accompanied by any sort of a sales receipt.

The kids being out of school: "Christmas Break" my butt. I am happy for all of the teachers of the world, but having all my kids home, for two whole weeks, cooped up inside- because it is 17 degrees outside is not really a catalyst for "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

New Year's: I gotta be honest. New Year's gives me anxiety. I don't really even know how it is spelled. Is it New Years, or New Year's? Grammar police? Help?
I feel compelled to lay low the weeks leading up to the holiday, thus avoiding any invitations to parties. By the time New Year's rolls around, I am tired. I want nothing more than to eat leftovers, and sit on my own couch, in sweatpants and watch a movie.
Preferable a movie that I have already seen, that I can fall asleep to.
Worse is the week after, when people ask you what you did for New Year's. Nothing says "Party Animal!" like admitting to being in bed by 10. To sleep.

Hey man, I'm going to need my rest.

I have a whole list of resolutions that I am gearing up to fail epically at.

Christmas Wrap-up

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!
Christmas for us, isn't as exciting as it once was.
Our youngest, Mikayla, is 8, and at the age where she is afraid to *not* believe in Santa.
She believes this year, but she has seen a lot of holes in the whole theory.
We are hoping next year, she will have figured it all out, and we can take off for the holidays.
A real "white" Christmas...meaning: our pasty white butts sitting on a white sand beach.

 

This will help to illustrate how different Christmas day is with a house full of teenagers.

Christmas was on Sunday, and our church services began at 11 a.m. Sunday morning.

I had to literally wake the kids up to make it to church on time.

At 11.

They didn't care that Santa! had! come! and dwarfed the tree in presents!

Nope. Not as fun as when they were all little, and our home was electric with excitement.

Stockings are now stuffed with acne face wash, and deodorant.

We started a tradition a few years ago.

Along with their Christmas Eve pajamas, we give them a gag toy to play with.

They look forward to this stupid toy almost more than the real Christmas the next day. 

One year we gave them flying monkeys.

Another year, we gave them Nerf guns, and another year they got Sing-a-ma-jigs.

This year I was worried that I wouldn't be able to find something for them.
But I did.
Oh, man. I totally did.
They all got "Happy Hamsters."

They were the awesomest stupidest things ever!

New fleece PJ pants, heck no, I DID NOT make them.

They run on batteries, and when you put the Hamsters in the plastic ball, they scurry around the carpet. When they hit a wall, or a chair leg, or a random pile of crap, they switch directions.
Some of the stupider hamsters would only go in circles.
We had hamster races all night long.

Ready tiny warriors? GO!!!

We like stupid at our house.
We are easily amused like that.
The kids personalized their hamster balls.
"Eat My Pellets!!"
"Fluffy II"
That was Christmas Eve.
They all slept together in Jayden's room, and the next day woke up for church.

After church, we came home, changed back into our PJ's and did the whole Christmas thing.
It was a good day.

The kids are out of school for another week, so we have been playing games and watching movies every night until the wee hours. It is going to be a rude adjustment to go back to a schedule.
I attempted today.
I hit the gym for my normal 8 a.m. class.
It was a big mistake.
Huge.
My body was very angry.
It was tired, and also harboring 18 pounds of Eggnog Fudge.
But I persevered.
Mostly cause Santa brought me some new shoes, and I looked dang cute.

  Priorities, people.

Santa also brought me a Happy Light.

I have been using it for a couple of weeks now.
I also supplement vitamin D3.
I am happy to report, it TOTALLY WORKS.
No kidding.
I feel normal again, and an added bonus, I no longer have the 2-3:00 musttakeanap slump.
Nor do I crave carbs and sugar.
It is a Christmas miracle!
I know I have a lot of Seasonal Depression suffering readers that have been waiting for my report back on my light therapy.
It works, people.
I don't think it is in my head. I am a very skeptical person.
But, if it *is* in my head, who the crap cares?
I feel better.
I got my light at Costco for fifty bucks.
Much cheaper than murder.

On today's agenda: Reclaiming the house.
I am swimming in the post-Christmas clutter, and I have had enough of it.
And the fudge.

December Greetings!

It's been a bad year for the elderly in our family.
I lost my Grandpa a bit ago.
Sam lost his Grandma this past week. She was the last of our Grandparents.
So we attended another funeral this week.
I guess when I get older, now would be a good time of the year to go--you would escape yet another bitter cold Utah winter, and you could forget about Christmas.

Win/win.

Sam found this picture in a magazine, tore it out, and brought it to me.
He thought he was funny, and "how do these people KNOW you?"

They don't know me.
Yet, they do...

Cause they have me pegged.

See my bathrobe chasing me?
See how angry it is, that I would leave it?
See the scowl on my face?
If she were wearing a track suit, and Uggs, and walking out into a frozen tundra instead of the pleasant looking illustrated yard I would wonder if I was literally being stalked by Bristol-Myers Squibb.

Seasonal Affective Disorder has been kicking my butt.

There was a stretch when I didn't really get out of bed for three days.
I read a lot.
Seasonal Depression feels like you are dead inside, and you don't really care that you are a mere shell of a person.
You don't really want to run out in front of a truck, but then again, if that truck came barreling towards you, you wouldn't move out of the way.
It comes and goes.
I am in a good cycle now.
Sam has banned me from listening to Christmas music, cause he thinks it is "depressing crap" and contributing to my mood.
He also gives me dollars to go tanning.
And brings me Rolo's.
I go through spurts, and right now Rolo's rock my world.
Sorry Big Hunk, you were so last week...

Anyway, on to less depressing stuff!
I am finished with Christmas shopping!
I bought almost everything online this year, and holy cow, I will never go back to shopping, in a store, on my own two feet like a sucker.
Me and my robe have spent a lot of quality time in front of the computer.
Search, click, enter free shipping code, discount code, Sam's credit card number, send!
Then watch for the delivery truck.
Me and my robe love getting packages!
I love this time of year for the good mail alone.
We have been getting Christmas cards from friends and family.
I used to do those.
I got really tired of planning the photo, taking the photo, printing the photo, etc, etc.
My family is the ROT when it comes to stuff like that.
So I cut it out of our seasonal traditions, and no one seemed to care.

This year, however, I figure it has been long enough that people probably wonder how we are faring.

So here you are, Internets.
Our 2011 Family Christmas Letter:

Jayden is our oldest and will be turning 16 this year.
Being the service-oriented child he is, he is always begging us to let him drive us places.
We told him he could drive any time he wanted--when he got his learner's permit.
We told him he needed to get his Eagle first.
For those of you who don't know what an "Eagle" is....lucky.
It is a Boy Scout thing.
Jayden puts as much effort into Scouting as he does the rest of his duties.
Nada.
I can say that last phrase with full confidence that I will not hurt Jayden's feelings should he read this. Jayden took Spanish, and will therefore not be able to translate it.
But, he is excellent at finger-boarding.
"Flip, snap, snap....flip, snap, snap."
I am sure this is a skill he will be grateful he put many hours of practice in, and honed in his teen years.
He also showers every day for 2.5 hours.
He is about six feet tall.
Has abs like a washboard.
And weighs 130.
He likes to snack on celery and sunflower seeds, even when there are chocolate chip cookies in the house.
Like a damn rabbit.

This is Brendan.
He is 13.
He is our most valuable child.
He is currently in possession of $6000.00 worth of braces.
I take him to the orthodontist every three weeks. They give him new elastics each time. As a result, he has gotten into the habit of not opening his mouth fully to speak.
Like a ventriloquist.
We affectionately call him "mumbler."
"Brendan, what do you want for Christmas?"
"Mufffmffrooonooofurrr."
"Right."
I can't understand a word that comes out of that kids' mouth.
He likes to tease his sisters until they cry, and then deny it.
He is plugged into his iPod 24/7, and likes to sneak crappy music onto it.
If there is an obnoxious song on the radio, one you can't change the station fast enough for, rest assured it will be in Brendan's "most played" rotation.
He is also getting stellar grades like his brother.
I would tell you what they are, but I don't want you guys to be all jealous and stuff.

This is Shayne.
His voice changed this year, and now he sounds like James Earl Jones.
He likes to watch Spongebob.
It is weird to see a 12 year old boy, but then hear a man's laugh come out of that boy.
He has the attention span of a gnat.
If you send him on an errand that requires him to leave the room, you can forget about seeing him ever again.
His physical body is comprised solely of peanut butter and honey sandwiches.
That is all he eats.
I make him take a multi-vitamin.

This is Shayne's twin sister, Shianne.
She is also 12, going on 18.
She enjoys drama, pouting, and is very generous in distributing stink-eye.
She wears my shoe size, and my shoes.
She loves when other people are in trouble, and goes out of her way to make sure that they are.
And then she wonders why in the world "everyone hates me!."
She does like to cook, and has learned quickly the power a warm chocolate chip cookie has over an angry mom, or a livid brother.
She did just receive the "student of the month" award in Junior high.
I called to verify.
I was sure they were mistaken.
She is getting curvy, and pretty, and her Dad has cleaned and loaded all the shot-guns.

This is the baby of the family, Mikayla.
She is eight.
She can whistle whole songs through that gap in her teeth.
Her foot odor could be used in a gas chamber.
We buy her new shoes every 2-3 months, because at that point they are toxic.
She loves to craft, and has crafted up the whole house.
Everything she creates is a "treasure" and gets stuffed into nooks and crannies in her bedroom.
Mark my words, that girl is destined to become a star.....on Hoarders.

Sam and I keep getting better looking every year.
We can't help it.
We continually get offers for modeling, which we promptly turn down.
We don't think it is fair to the general public.
I was "Mother of the Year" again, this year.
Sam is so handy, he made me a hand-carved wooden cabinet to house all of my many awards.
In his free time.
He still works two jobs, hits the gym, and thinks that sleep is for the weak.
He eats a lot of protein, protein shakes, protein bars...
They give him a lot of gas, which is always hilarious, and the smell is so very attractive to me.
His hobbies include: metal detecting, crossword puzzles, and golf.
I worry that he will have nothing left to do when he is a retired old man.

I have had a very busy year maintaining my "trophy wife" status.
I can't live without my tweezers, as my chin has given my teen boys a run for their money with it's menopausal whiskers.
My hormonal mood swings keep everyone on their toes!
Who will greet us when we get home from school?
"Nice mom", or "crazy chemical mom?"
No one knows.
Not even me.

To summarize our 2011.
Our family has logged many hours lovingly sitting on the couch together watching trash.
We have spent quality time stuffing ourselves with Chalupas and other Taco Bell dollar menu delights.
We went on a bike ride once, and Shayne's chain fell off.
We almost went on a trip, and then Sam's truck needed $1800.00 to run again.
We inherited three Parakeets. The kids love them. Sam thinks he can talk to them.  I think they are secretly plotting to peck my eyeballs out.
2011 has been mediocre.
Nothing spectacular, and yet, nothing horrible.

Just how we roll.

Pinterest is my Mistress.

I have a love/hate relationship with Pinterest.

I figured today was a good day to make good on something I have spent hours searching, organizing and pinning.

To actually try one of my pins.

It was a dreary day outside, and I really saw no need to leave the comfort of my new robe.

I got this robe at Kohl's.

With Kohl's cash.

So the universe practically gave me this robe.

It is soft as premature butterfly wings.

When I wear this robe, it feels like a hug from an angel.

It is also a sex deterrent, I have learned.

Another bonus in my book.

It has pockets.

I find that robes need pockets, since bras are prohibited, and that is usually where I carry my cellphone.

So anyway...back to Pinterest.

I found this Crème Brûlée Cheesecake Bar recipe.

I almost had all of the ingredients for it at home.

I improvised on the recipe with what I had on hand, and guess what Internets?!

My version kicked butt.

I haven't made the original to compare, you can find it HERE.

But I will share mine with you.

The recipe calls for a package of sugar cookie mix. For some reason, I have had this box of Jiffy Sugar Cookie Mix in my pantry forever. It is a small box.

I used that, and added some graham cracker crumbs. The crumbs were so stinking good. I loved the texture it added.

The recipe has you use three egg yolks.

I thought the lonely little discarded whites should get used too.

I probably could have saved the whites for some nutritious/low cal egg burrito that I could eat and pretend that I like, but I opted instead to make a meringue top for the cheesecake.

Totally delicious.

Here is the recipe.

Remember, you can click on it to see it better, or you can right click it, save it, and print it out as a 4x6 photo.

Either way, you are probably going to want to change into your own robe before you make this.

Belts are not going to be your friend.

A winner!

Thanks everyone for all the wonderful comments!
My winner is comment number 44:

Sharyn said...
Who is Kandis Smith? ;)

Anyway - I rarely enter these, but man, love that Times and Seasons.

4:07 PM

So Sharyn, I need a snail mail addy, and Times and Seasons is yours!

Congrats!

shauntewadley@gmail.com

Echo Park and May Arts

Welcome to the Echo Park/ May Arts Blog Hop. You are probably here via Kandis Smith.
You are right on track. 

Listen up.
I know a whole bunch of you cringe when you see a scrapbook-y post on my blog.
But another whole bunch of you also cringed when you saw my hideous face pictures from the dentist.
So I guess I can't please everyone when I am documenting my life.
But I can give crap away, to maybe ease your visual burden.
Maybe this kit:

Or perhaps this one:

Or any of the kits you see on the Echo Park Paper website, which is HERE.

Just leave me a comment on this blog post, and tell me which collection you would like to get your hands on. I will draw a random winner next Monday, the 21st, who will get a free kit collection of their choice.

My personal favorite is an oldie, but goodie, (Country Drive) and the collection that I chose to make a layout using my new stash of ribbon from May Arts.

I said that all casual like- May Arts.
If you are crafty at all.
Or part squirrel, like me.
Or like pretty things.
Or just like to breathe oxygen...you need May Arts in your life.

This ribbon is not the stuff you find on spools at Walmart. (Sorry Offray.)
It is beautiful, thick, has great texture, and comes in deep, rich colors.
I cried a little inside when I cut it for my layout, I have enjoyed just rolling around in it.
Here is a layout I made:

First I want to point out, that the photo I used is from 2006. That little girl is 8 now, not 3, and I really miss her. She talks back now, and doesn't like to brush. Sigh.
I also want to point out the detail of the ribbon.

Can you see the pleated edge on the border?
It came like that.
For real.
I tucked half of the ribbon underneath the paper, and it made it look like I know how to sew.
Look at the puffy, fuzzy ribbon:

More puffy-fuzzy, and some velvet.
I told you there was texture!

It's the best part of my job, when I get to mix two really great companies.
Sort of like graham crackers (good) dipped in frosting (better).

And yeah, my diet isn't going well.

If you want to see what the other Echo Park designers have done with their May Arts goodness, the next stop on the Blog Hop is:
Wendy Sue Anderson

If you are lost, you can check:
Echo Park Blog
May Arts Blog
There are other giveaways to win!

Thanks for stopping by, and good luck!

I am so screwed.

I thought I had until Easter to get my willpower under control.
Stupid Cadbury.

I might as well get out some duct tape, and strap the four bags I bought yesterday to my butt and thighs.
We all know that is where they are going to end up anyway.

Three wise suggestions.

Sometimes I like to leave smashed bug carcasses on my bathroom mirror as a warning to other bugs.

And let this next picture be a warning to all humans:
Don't go to the dentist, and then afterward, go anywhere public.
I was planning on going to Costco, since our dentist is right there...

Yaaaaarrrr! Matey!

Seriously?
I had to have four shots.
I was numb from my chin to my eye.
MY EYE WAS NUMB.
When the kids saw me, they alternately stepped away in fear, and then laughed.
Then I saw myself, and I laughed so hard I cried (out of my good eye.)
Needless to say, I skipped Costco, and sped to the safety and concealment of my home.

I had Jayden take "Hurry and take some pictures!"

Why couldn't this have been Halloween?!

Don't worry, he didn't need to hurry.
I went in to the dentist at 2, and I was still numb in places when I went to bed at 10.
It was a long night.
And my third suggestion for the day is: get your camera back from your 15 year old when you ask him to take pictures, especially if you have a full bladder.