Dear Mountain Dew-
It pains me to write this, but I feel that we have come to a point in our relationship where I must let go and move on.
The times we have shared are some of my fondest memories: the first tall icy glass in the hospital minutes after giving birth, the time when I laughed so hard you came spewing out of my nose, that all too brief summer when 7-11 re-invented you into a Slurpee...
I will always miss you. Nothing will complement my Chinese food more than you. I am not sure how I will survive my SAHM afternoons without your selfless yet vital shot of caffeine. I know that road-trips, crops, and long holiday parties at the in-laws will never be the same.
But alas, our time must come to an end.
Since our relationship went from being casual friends, to passionately committed partners, I have gained weight. You never minded, and that I will always appreciate. But I need to be with someone who will help me be better, and healthier.
It's not you....it's me.
Well, I guess it's a little you. You see, the final straw was your new hobby. I was patient the first time you crystallized and deposited yourself into my kidneys. I forgave you. But this time....
You know how the saying goes...."Once, shame on you, twice shame on me." Well, Dew, I guess I am tired of being shamed. My kidneys can't take being a rock tumbler.
I am sorry, I really, really am. I hope you understand.