You too, can be impressive.

Last night I had to go to SATAN'S WAREHOUSE.

Guess who I saw while I was there?

EVERYONE IN THE TRI-CITY AREA.

I had to go pick up a certain item that they don't carry in the local store, so I ordered and paid for it online, and then they ship it "Site-to-Store" for you to pick up.

The "Site-to-Store" area is in what used to be the Layaway area, and do they have that anymore? I am not sure. It is in the back, by those other bathrooms. You know, the ones a zip-code away from the front of the store...that you always have to do that walk/run thing to when you have a bursting toddler bladder waiting to explode, and conveniently that stupid cleaning cart along with the yellow "DO NOT ENTER. CLEANING IN PROGRESS" cone is blocking the front checkout bathroom.

Why is that?

Why does it seem like they are CONSTANTLY cleaning the bathrooms in SATAN'S WAREHOUSE, and yet, the few times I have been desperate enough to cautiously hover above the toilets to use the facilities, I have felt as if I needed to stop on my way home at an INSTA-CARE to get a booster shot of tetanus?

If they clean so often, why do the bathrooms always smell like an old-folks home? Stale urine is a bugger of an odor to mask! We use these industrial strength TOILET CLIPPIES! You TOO! Can have toilets that smell funeral rose fresh!

(Aisle 666!)

I worked briefly at SATAN'S WAREHOUSE. I am not proud of it. It was a short-lived career spanning three months. Enough time to know some ins and outs of the inner workings. Part of "training" and I use the term loosely, none of Satan's minions actually received any training helpful to their particular department.

Take electronics- if you ask them any type of technical or semi-intelligent question about mega-pixels, or Blu-Ray, their eyes will literally glaze over, and mentally their brain retreats deep inside their skull to wait this crisis out. Their "training" you must understand, was completed on a "CBL" (computer based learning system), with handy tutorials on "How to Properly Set up a Yellow DO NOT ENTER. CLEANING IN PROGRESS" cone. This is to be done for any wet spill. And the proper procedure after proper installation of the cone, is to call a member of maintenance, or a manager to come over, assess the situation, and perhaps administer a paper towel to the area.

I passed my CBL's, as you can see.

So back to "Site to Store."

I am waiting for any one of Satan's minions to help me. No one comes after I rang the bell. So I wait some more. I wait for 22 minutes, in fact. My kids are climbing the benches and messing with the 3M packing tape/box kiosk. I have pressed the "Help" button numerous times.

Finally I decide to take this to the next level.

I pick up the paging phone and page myself:

"Could I get the associate working "Site to Store", or a manager (pulling out the big guns-) to come back to "Site-to-Store" for customer assistance, customer waiting. The associate working "Site to Store" or a manager, to come back to "Site-to-Store" for customer assistance, thank you."

My kids look at me with reverent awe on their faces. Their eyes sparkled! They COULD NOT believe that I had the authority, nay, the POWER to page!

"Mom! That was soooo coooool!"

And even cooler, was that an associate/manager scuttled back there post-haste!

My three month stint paid off, at that very moment, me beating the system, and impressing the kids all in one fail swoop.