I had a sweet new mullet haircut.
I wore super classy bow ties.
I sported the latest in blue/pink Maybelline eyeshadow.
I. HAD. IT. GOIN'. ON.
Look out Junior High--
You have no idea what is hittin' you this year. This babe.
It was right around this time, I took an interest in beauty and fashion. Duh, you can like, totally tell, I know.
I subscribed to Seventeen, after all.
I read about potions to fade my freckles. (didn't work)
I saved all my babysitting money to buy myself some Kangaroos (they are making a come-back!) and Swatches(I had two).
I pored over the pages learning "How to Make Him Notice You", and "Facing That First Kiss."
I faithfully followed the step-by-step lessons on applying daytime vs. nighttime eyeshadow. I practiced with my magnifying mirror to perfect the process.
I cursed my pores. I loathed my freckles, which were magnified, along with the Maybelline in this mirror. And then I saw IT.
The mole.
Not just a mole.
I can't believe I hadn't noticed it before!
It was giant!
And worse...it had....
(gulp)
Hairs growing out of it.
There I said it.
Tiny, white hairs.
It was hideous!
I was HIDEOUS!
There was no way I was going to "Face My First Kiss" with that...THAT...MOLE!
I was a little panicked. At the very least, I needed those hairs gone.
So I grabbed myself a pink Lady Bic, to shave the hairs.
Ladies, and I guess gentlemen--(sorry guys)the Lady Bic, with all it's self-lubricating genius, is NOT a precision instrument.
It lopped that mole off. Not just the hairs. BUT THE WHOLE MOLE.
The mole did not grow back.
But the hairs did.
Oh yes.
The hairs did.
Only they were angry about being evicted from their home.
They come in black now.
Thick man-beard whiskers.
And have to be plucked. Often.
It is a curse.
Thank you, Seventeen.
And this is my final reminder for all my close friends.
If I am ever in some accident that renders me comatose, and you feel compelled to come see me, lying tragically in my bed in a coma...please bring some tweezers. Please?
Help a girlfriend out.
15 comments:
Shaunte, your blog is the best. If I'm not having a good day, it helps me out. I feel much better after reading. Super entertaining! I swear we all have a mole like that on our face, unfortunately I still have mine (hairs and all).
Holy awesome hair. I accidentally shaved off half my eyebrow in Jr. High. Razors can do serious damage.
OMG! I thought I was the only one with that lovely jr high hair cut. . .
I love it. You told me that story before, but it's just get better each time. I am with Cor, whenever I am having a bad day- your blog cheers me up.
I love ya.
I have those moles (notice I said plural, yay me) and I get the hairs.
When my grandmother was dying the nurses did pluck her chin hair, we were touched.
You are too funny girl! I am here with a bad cold and cough going on and thanks to you I just coughed up my lung. I am bending over now to pick it up.
At least it wasn't on your nose.
You don't look any different!
omg, that is so great.
Your girls look so much like you!
-Laura
That has to be possibly the most beautiful picture I have ever seen of you, that is even after seeing the overalls in front of the cruise ship shot. I will have you know, currently in my closet I own myself a sweet as pair of brown and green KangaROOS. They rock. I think you should go fur the mullet perm look again, gorgeous.
holy moses shaunte! i can't stop laughing, from the mole to the farting, you poor dear!
thanks for giving me a laugh :)
wait til menopause hits darlin, and those hairs accquire friends all over your face
Great Blog!
I love coming to your blog. Of course, since childbirth, I have to ensure it is on an empty bladder lest I wet myself as I laugh my tail off.
Sweet, I have that same thing going on, on my chin right under my lip hairs and all. However I was not fortunate enough to not have the mole grow back it didc come back but only bigger and hairier. So I know how you feel
Lucky...
This is the funniest thing I think I have ever read. I sat here by myself and laughed out loud. I don't even know what to say...I think I'm going to go read it again.
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