Just like that (snap fingers)

..we are back home!


Time flies even when you are doing nothing, especially when you are enjoying yourself by doing nothing.

I gave my new digital camera a good run. I can't believe I haven't blogged about it! I bought it for myself after Martha Stewart snubbed me over her dumb scrapbook contest. I bought a Canon PowerShot A710 IS. It is little, and does pretty well for a point and shoot. I was getting tired of carrying around the 20D for small events. It sure does eat up batteries, but they are only AA's, so no big.

In other news....
My pile of laundry is very wide and very tall.
Our guinea pig is still alive after fending for herself for almost a week.
Something stinks in the house, we think it is in the kitchen.
I had a huge box of goodies from Bo Bunny Press waiting for me on my porch.
I had a few assignment in my e-mail inbox.
I am a few pounds heavier.
But...I am relaxed and refreshed. In spite of being in a modest back woods cabin, with nine kids. Helps that there were three other card-playin', butter-eatin' laugh-til-our-sides-hurt adults.

And tomorrow happens to be the LAST DAY OF SCHOOL FOR THE KIDS!
I will report on that later.
Off to the laundry room.

and we're off

The dentist went extremely well, thanks for asking!
And whoa, first time we have had dental insurance, so we didn't have to leave our only running vehicle as collateral. That was nice. We left having paid the whole bill. That was weird.
We are heading out tomorrow to this place:

Our family cabin in Idaho, where the cows and children run free.
There is no Internet.
No phones.
But also...
*no school
*no doorbells
*no obligations
*nothing to do
*nowhere to be
We will be gone for almost a week, so the old blog will not be updated until then. Have a great memorial day weekend!

the dentist.

No one likes the dentist, except Mikayla, who naively has her first cavity, and is looking forward to being worked on tomorrow. I am hoping she does better than her brother, Brendan.

Brendan has always been my accident prone child.
Ever since he was a toddler, he has run with one arm out in front of himself, ever vigilant about breaking his impending fall.

It wasn't a huge surprise then, when he fell, at the bowling center, and miraculously managed to hit himself in the face with a bowling ball,on the way to the floor, before landing on top of the same ball. I don't really even know how that was possible? But it happened.

It broke a molar...yep, a MOLAR in half. He had to go to "the shop" get put out, and have the tooth capped. This was when he was about five. The poor kid was miserable, and sick, and traumatized by the whole process. It took us a long time to pay that off, and an even longer time to dare venture back into a dental office.

Fast forward a year, and the poor kid has a couple of cavities. We take him to the dentist again. The dentist gives him a little shot, and that was it, folks. There would be no more dental work done on, or around Brendan.

The dentist tried to explain that Brendan was numb now, and would not feel anything. Could he please, just open his mouth, and let the dentist "look" at his teeth? He wasn't buying that. He knew a liar when he heard one. He recognized the smell of that office, fear mixed with Novocaine. Nope. Sealed shut. Water-tight. The vault was closed for business.

The dentist finally tricked him into opening a little. And seizing the opportunity, the dentist deftly, yet stupidly ventured in the treacherous cavern with his latex-clad hand...and Brendan promptly clamped down and bit him. With a look in his eye like "who won that round, O ye wielder of sharp objects?"

To my sheer horror and humiliation, we left, Brendan still numb, and still with his cavities. We waited it out and offered bribes, and finally took him to another dentist. One that had Nintendo. That cost a bloody fortune. And with sweat on his brow, he bravely got his measly cavities filled.

Well, that was two years ago...and now, we are going back. He has three cavitites this time. Please pray for the dentist.

a few faves.

I thought today, since I have still been recovering from Horsecrap day, I would share with you some trivial things that I have been liking lately, and if you try them or already love them, let me know. By the way, hoping the pictures work, since I stole them all off the internet. I guess I should take my own, and scrap about this. Noting for later...

1- Costco Churros. Let's be honest, at a buck a piece, these things are SAHM crack. I Must. Have. One. Everyday. Carbs be damned.

2- Wonder Pets. "The phone. The phone is riiiiiinging!!, This is sewious..." I think this may be the cutest kids show ever. I must admit, I really enjoy watching this, and I am not even on Vicodin anymore...

3- Clean and Clear Deep Action Cream Cleanser. I don't have an acne problem, knock on wood. I got a sample of this stuff, and I ended up loving it. It is minty tingly, and the best part...it removes my waterproof mascara. A one action deal, that is a bonus for me, cause by the time I am ready to crash into bed, I don't even like to wash my face, let alone engage in some complicated four step process that includes an arsenal of various product. I need easy, and the tingly thing, that is an awesome bonus.

4- Chewable Calcium in Caramel and Chocolate. When my doctor told me I need to start supplementing or else I would end up a hunchback, I was happy to find calcium candy. They really are good. Especially dipped in a Churro. Okay, I haven't actually tried that...

5- Burt's Bees Lip Shimmer. I admit, my obsession with these little buggers is getting a little out of hand. I have one in my pocket. Always. I especially love the Cocoa shade. I did have a bad experience sending one through the wash, and dryer...wasn't pretty, but I am still a user. I have been known to turn the Suburban around, drive back home, just to get my Burt's. Try it, you'll see.

6- Borghese Bronzing Powder from, yeah, Costco. I guess I hang out there more that I thought...must be the Churros. Anyway, they gave me a sample of this stuff, and I used it the day I filmed my infamous scrapbooking video segments. For once in my life, I looked less like a nocturnal pasty-faced corpse, and more like a human being. I had color! I looked alive! So, I bought into it, and I like the subtle look of health.

There you go. My testimonial of some of my favorite things right now. I just wanted to point out what did not make the list...like a spouse, or exercise.

happy mothers day.

You know, had I blogged last night, I think I would have blogged a classic entry. A tirade of sorts about how much Mother's Day should be synonymous with "horsecrap"<---or something much less family friendly.

I have always hated Mothers Day.

I hated it as a young child, when it felt like every time I turned around, I had to be nice to my Mom for another WHOLE DAY.... like her birthday, wedding anniversary, Mothers Day...and when was there a "Kids Day" anyway? And my Mom would always tell me that "everyday was kids day" and I would roll my eyes at her.

And then I hated it as a single young adult, when I wanted to be a Mom, but was having a hard time finding someone that was remotely interesting to even date. The daydreams I would have of an idyllic Mother's Day, full of sunshine, and hugs, and smelling of lilacs.

Now I dislike the day for other reasons. For the fact that it is just another day, but somehow I always hold onto the hope that Sam will pitch in and make dinner, or look for the missing church shoes, or even for-go his own Sunday nap, to keep the kids quiet while I crash for a couple of blessed hours.

But no. Most of the time, I have picked my own gift, gotten gifts for my Mom and Mother-in-Law, made dinner(lunch and breakfast), gotten the kids ready for church, cleaned up after the meals, helped the kids make cards for the grandmas...all this while Sam takes in the Golf tournament on television, scratching himself, precious remote in hand.

I was so spitting mad last night, this year he "ran out of time" to take the kids to the Dollar Store to let them choose me a gift. He had to go into work. So I took them over. I waited in the car, and sent them in to choose presents. It is not that I wanted gifts, I just want to teach the kids to give. Not a hard concept, but "he ran out of time!??" Are you kidding me? Walmart started pimping out Mothers Day crap the day after Easter!

So I woke up a little crotchety this morning, expecting the worst.

And guess what folks?

It wasn't a perfect day. The kids argued like normal. Sam never did get me a gift, not even a card. My fat dress felt tight. We were late to church, and had to sit on the hard chairs. But...my attitude was different. For no other reason, then I think that my Heavenly Father wanted me to feel special, to feel like I am a good Mom, I had a good day.

I was grateful. Grateful for five little kids that call me Mom. Grateful for five fun foam picture frames that they made for me in their church classes. Grateful for a husband that picked up the ball today, and made sandwiches for everyone so I didn't have to. Grateful for the simple fact that we are all healthy. And yeah, grateful for the Dollar Store crap that my kids picked out...mostly to see how proud they were of the selections they made. (hair-brush, white-out, some colorful (fugly) hair bows, nail clippers, and Junior Mints)

See, it was all in my attitude. I am glad, that for today, I was able to find that happy place. (And without caffeine, I might add)

I know that some of you who read this probably struggle with Mothers Day too. Maybe because you are missing a child, maybe because you aren't able to have children, or your children are grown and gone, or maybe for the petty, annoying things I mentioned....and for some reason you didn't feel special today.

I want you to know that I think you are pretty wonderful.

That, Mom, everyday WAS Kids Day growing up in your home.

That, Jen, I was thinking of you--

And all of my "CB" friends, that I know at any given moment would let me vent about anything, pull my wandering toddler off of 780 west(with no "where the "H" were YOU judgments), or even vacuum my carpet if I asked.

I am amazed at all the women in my life, how even as impersonal as a computer hooked to the Internet seems, we have become friends.

That we all "get" each other, and strengthen each other, laughing at our stupid mistakes, and knowing that we don't have to pretend to be perfect to be good women and mothers.

Thank you all for your examples to me..and Happy Horsecrap Day!

Remember, tag in the BACK

Swimsuit season is nearly upon us.

This gem was caught on my camera phone, when Mikayla wanted to "dress self."

gotta have a hobby

Have I mentioned before that my father-in-law owns a bowling center?

I married into a semi-professional bowling family. It is inevitable then, that my kids would bowl, and even I would dabble a little in bowling.

For me it is purely recreational, but for them, well....that is a whole 'nother ball of wax.

The first year we were married was hard for me. Sam bowled on a couple of bowling leagues and "had a life" so to speak, outside of our happy little connected-at-the-hip coupledom. When we dated, he would drop bowling league to be with me...and after we married....meh. He begged me to get a hobby of my own...well, not begged, exactly, but said he would be happy to support one. (Thus, scrapbooking...) So, that first year we were married, he informs me that we would be going to Reno, Nevada to participate in "Bowling Nationals." I may have laughed. It sounded so official. Like it was trying to be the Superbowl. And it is! For bowlers, anyway.

I tagged along, and I was amazed really, how serious these bowlers are. Each bowler brings an average of five ball to bowl with. Each ball is for a different and specific lane condition. Are you ASLEEP??! Yeah, I was too. But apparently, if the lanes have been oiled excessively it warrants a ball with a certain shell on it, to perform better in the oily conditions. Then there is a ball for dry (not oiled enough) conditions, and a ball to pick up spares only...I am telling you, there is some sort of science to the whole thing. And these bowlers can carry on whole conversations about the oil PATTERNS on the lanes!? "Yeah, I had a rough time getting anything to carry the last few boards...I mean, it hooked so early..."

There is a whole new world in competitive bowling. Silly me, I thought you just had to aim at the pins, and knock them over...

They are very serious about the Bowling Nationals thing. There is a dress code, and you have to be very quiet, and they have to check the equipment in, to be weighed, and tested. It was an experience to say the least.

Sam and his family go every year. It is their tradition. I haven't been since the first time, but now that I have my own *ahem* hobby, I don't mind him going.

There is some good money to be won, if you bowl well. So far, Sam has done about average each year, basically paying for the trip, with a couple hundred extra. Of course, if you talk to him, he did awesome, and "made" $1200.00! But...realistically, by the time you take out entry fees, gas money, hotel money, food money, and somehow there is always a couple of mandatory golf games, he breaks even. That is where he was this weekend. Bowling his little heart out. (snicker)

I am glad he had fun.

But I am pretty sure that *I* made more $$ this weekend on my hobby what with the scrapbooking assignments and stuff.

hopeful

I am such a sucker for contests.

I entered into the Martha Stewart Scrapbooking contest, the winner gets a whole bunch of great crap from Hewlett-Packard. I was so mentally winning this thing, that I even stopped my search for a point-and-shoot digital camera, because there was one in the prize package. HA! The power of positive thinking, right?

Well apparently Martha didn't think my layout was a "Good Thing." Cause they are announcing the winners all next week, and I haven't been called, so I can safely assume that I am not going to meet Martha, nor get my HP package O' swag.

I am going to share the layout instead, with you all. And if someone wanted to send me a small digital camera, I would accept it.

I have moved on, and I have been working on some stuff for the Krylon Designer Challenge contest. So I have been spray painting the ozone layer away. I have some pretty acceptable projects, and even if I don't win....my nose has been producing technicolor boogers from all the stray paint particles, and THAT my friends, is entertainment enough.

In my neighborhood, they have this walking group, where a bunch of us SAHM's meet, with our strollers spilling over with toddlers....and walk.

"Walk" is apparently a multi-faceted word. What I consider walking, was not what we did today. Maybe it is the fact that I am short and stubby, and the other ladies legs hit me at about my armpits. I had to literally jog to keep up with them on our morning jaunt.

I already feel it in my hind-end. Not a good thing, cause I know tomorrow it is going to feel much worse. That drop-the-soap-in-the-shower-groaning-to-pick-it-back-up worse.

And my toes hurt. I broke out the flip-flops, and I am in the process of growing calluses in my toe-crotch yet again. It's the same thing every spring...

On the business end, I am finishing up a project I was given by assignment from a magazine! It feels good to be back in the saddle, well, it would feel good, if my butt didn't hurt.

here goes nothin'

I have lost all sense of pride.

Yesterday, I posted un-photo-shopped and horrid photos of myself, and today....well, I am linking you to my video nightmare.

Isaac, the videographer, did some miracle editing, cause I distinctly remember myself being way more embarrassing. Let me know what you think...

So, here it is: http://www.scraparatus.com/media/category_view.asp?cID=1
Sorry about the cut and paste, blogger has not been linking things directly for me?!

Anyway, if nothing else, check out the tool.

fine.

Photos by Mikayla age four. This was the best we could do. My camera is heavy for little hands....

spontaneous.

I don't really like my hair.

I haven't known what to do with it since the 80's. I try different things, and then I hang it right back into the ponytail where it belongs. I have donated to Locks of Love. I have had perms. I have straightened it. I have chopped it off into various bobs. And eventually, I always grow it out into a one length mop that hangs down the back of me.

It's healthy. I use Equate product from Walmart on it, and still get away with it. Aside from coloring the gray every once in a while, I am pretty darn low maintenance. The lowest of maintenance, in fact. Lower maintenance than me would be a cave dweller who didn't even own a pair of scissors, and whacked her hair between two stones when it fell in the fire.

When I was a little girl, I would listen to my Mom's Crystal Gayle record, and I would stare at the cover of the album and wish...."Oh, please, let me grow my hair that long....I just want to be able to sit on it (and I would be careful on the toilet,) and have it swish around by my knees..."
Sadly, I have never made it that far.

I get to the point I was at today, and I start browsing those crappy "Cute -N- Sassy Short Hair-cut" magazines at the grocery store. Those low-budget magazines with still frames of porn star looking girls, flaunting various wigs. Does anyone actually buy those?

I don't like to "do" hair, truth be told. I think a five minute hairstyle is about three minutes too long for me to spend in front of a mirror. Round brushes? Really? Can anyone with only two hands really do that?

So here I was, mulling over the options, and wanting change, but not change, ya know? So I put it on the back burner.

Off I go to run some errands, and lo and behold, like a beacon from karma itself...a $6.99 Haircut Sale balloon over at the Super Cuts. So I U-turned the 'Burban around, and Mikayla and I were the "Walk-ins Welcome." We were the only ones in the store, with four eager scissor wielding young ladies, which was either good or bad.

"What can I do for you?"
"I want my hair-cut."
"How would you like it?"
"I don't know."

And she offered some suggestions, and was very nice. And she layered it in some long layers, and she used a razor blade at some point. And then she fluffed it with a towel, and put some junk on it, and there ya go.

Seriously. That was it. And it looked pretty good!

Since the kids, I have developed this weird wave to my hair where it used to be poker straight, and it is such a pain in the butt to blow-dry out, and this chick....this SUPER cuts chick, worked it into something! She scrunched it up, and worked it.

I paid my $6.99, bought some product, and gave her a tip. I was feeling pretty saucy.

I came home just in time to slip in the door before the kids came barging in from school at 3:30.

"Hey Mom" child number one, runs past, doesn't even notice....

"Whoa" child number two notices...trying desperately to put his finger on what was different about me....shirt, no....pants, no...finally registers....."Where is your ponytail?"

Child number three "yeah, did you just get out of the shower or something?"

"It looks like you need a comb"<---child number four.

Happy Birthday Pickle!

Four years ago, right about now, I was recovering from my fourth and final! c-section. It was bittersweet, and I was trying to soak everything up, knowing I would not be experiencing another childbirth.

Mikayla is very loved, which is what you say when you are in denial about your child being spoiled. Not just by Sam and I, but by her doting siblings. In spite of being spoiled she is still a pretty sweet girl.

I love you little pickle. And I get you all to myself for another year before Kindergarten claims you.

Another spring catalog came today!

My youngest kid is turning four this Saturday. So I admit, it's been a while since I had a baby in the house....it is possible that I have forgotten certain things about the younglings as infants, but I am still pretty sure that I wouldn't want my baby spooning with a stuffed animal. Especially one with such a self-satisfied grin as that lion. ((shudder))




And this.....seriously?

perusing the magazines so you don't have to

Let's re-cap.

So, for $44.95 I could have one of these glorified beach balls, that guarantees that I will lose 28-33 pounds with its ergonomic "s" shape that molds to my body...AS SEEN ON T.V.!!

Sweet. Wish it had a drink holder.

The perfect remedy to a crappy day.

It doesn't matter what I have going on, if you ask me to go fly kites....I will always, always say yes.

sorry for the downer

It is funny how God has a way of putting things back into perspective. After feeling sorry for myself for almost 24 hours, I am more focused on all the blessings in my life.

A friend of mine, Jen Gallacher, took her 12 year old son into the Gastroenterologist in December for what they thought was a rountine check-up. They found a large mass in his colon, that turned out to be cancerous. After radiation, and chemotherapy, the cancer spread and progressed...

They released Joey from the hospital as terminal, and Jen and her family are enjoying Joey at home while they still have him here.

Twelve. My oldest is eleven. I can't imagine what she is going through. I don't want to. To think about it, makes me sick inside, and scared for my own kids. No parent should have to outlive their child.

I have racked my brain trying to think of something to do for Jen. Words sound so hollow. I wanted to do something to let her know how often I think of her and her little family. How profoundly this has affected me, and how much the whole thing just breaks my heart. Thankfully, Tania Willis took the initiative to do something.

I am sharing a link to the site she set up, and maybe if you get a second, you can check it out, and be a part of it all. Hug your kids today, tell them you love them.



Edited to add:
Blogger is not showing the link...I will try to get a direct link fixed, but in the mean time, please copy and paste.

http://www.benefitforjen.blogspot.com

because the wound is still fresh...

A couple of weeks ago I was approached by Karen Foster Design to come to the office to film a few short video clips demonstrating their new scrapbooking tool, the Scraparatus.

I ignored the e-mails for a few days, mulling it over. Willing it to go away.

I am really not *that* girl. You know, the whole in front of a camera type. No sir...I am very much the behind the scenes type. I hoped that they would find someone else, and made myself sick thinking about it. Of course, the sickness could have been the starvation, you know, in case I had to do it, after all, the camera adds ten pounds. And please....who likes that thought?

So of course, things progress, and me, being the dummy I am, think to myself, really....how hard can this be? I mean, it's only a few minutes. And then I could stop worrying about it. Just get it over with, and sleep like a baby when it's done.

Today was the day. I needed confidence. I prepared the best that I could. I did the whole shop for new clothes thing, the heavy make-up thing, the manicure thing---for Pete Sake! A manicure! I should have seen the foreshadowing of the event when my three year old told me I had "pretty old lady nails." This wasn't going to work out like I had envisioned.

Well, let me tell you what...

I don't care who you are, when you are plopped under mega-watt lights, all ALONE and have a big fat camera in your face you turn into Video Idiot.

I want you, my friends, to feel what it was like, so you never have to be Video Idiot. Ever. Just say no.

There are helpful cue cards, and suggestions to stuff your brain full with:

"Make sure you say something about the correct positioning of the tool"
"Hold the tool slightly higher..."
The lights sooooo hot...Dry Idea Powder Fresh...stay with me....
"Slow down a little."
"Mention the unique grip."
"Could you squeeze in something about the magnetic handle?"
And I think there was something in there about Etched Edged Dies...?!<---say *that* three times fast!
Heart pounding. Sweating....mouth so dry...so hot....
"Let's try a new angle."
"We are going to go again from the top and pan in closer."
"Catch that part about the felt again."
"Remember.....just be natural, and SMILE!!!"

At this point my SMILE had morphed into a plastic imitation of a smile. A smile that I am sure a mortician would be fired over.

I could feel it. I couldn't change it. I wanted to be witty. I wanted the dialog to flow. I wanted to be just like Ryan Seacrest! I'd like to blame it on the fateful day I gave up caffeine. I wasn't Fun Bobby anymore. I was Video Idiot!

I would mid-sentence lose my thought, and then I would blurt out some freaking motarded thing. Or forget whole points. Or mess up with the tool. And take it again from the top...

At one point I said, and you can quote me:
"So...when you are ready to DIE, you take the tool and....." <----Left the very crucial "CUT" out of die-cut, and another time I said "When you are going to PUNCH something..."<---- Try punching MYSELF, with my fancy Old Lady nails. Ugh.

Let's just say I have a re-newed sense of respect for actresses. Even those crappy ones on infomercials.

The crew was very kind. Very patient. And the camera-man was impressive. He paused me at one point to tell me to powder my face. A Man! Honestly, I was so grateful. I think the only thing worse that a botch video job for all the world to see, would be a botched video job where you were greasy, for all the world to see.

So the worst part of it all, is the knowing. Knowing it is "out there" now. Knowing that I can't take it back, that my grand-kids could run across it one day. Or you. My friends!

So I am begging you. Please don't base the sale of the product on the Video Idiot. The Scraparatus can't help it that I was the dolt pimping it out. Go easy on me, if you ever happen to stumble upon this never-to-be-linked-on-my-blog trainwreck.

I vow to you, that was my first and last production. I am going to stick to the writing and scrapping, thank you very much.

And, in spite of my "sleep like a baby" theory, I am going to spend a few hours (days? months?) re-hashing my blunders and basking in the delights of regret.

got hair?

I have always had a lot of hair, and nothing made me more popular than my hair in the 80's. Give me some pink sponge rollers, a bottle of Aqua Net and a rat-tail comb, and I will instantly grow five, six inches. Of course, in this photo, the hair was swept to the side, courtesy of a banana clip, but it's all miiiine.

This was my Sophomore year. A senior asked me to the prom. One of my first dates. I remember coordinating everything, I had silver pantyhose, and shoes. I really wanted some silver fingerless gloves ala Madonna, and I looked and looked, but could never find them. But... I had turquoise mascara! They sold it at a little dollar store by my house. They also had green and blue, and I think purple mascara. It went on kinda clumpy, and I had to separate my lashes with a safety pin, but MAN! was it worth it for the glam. Heh, heh.

The only thing I remember about the date itself was dinner. All four of us ate at a fancy restaurant up a canyon. We were all young, and un-fancy. I am sure we looked a little like the Clampetts walking in. But we had reservations. Just like adults. The dining area was very dimly lit. It smelled like incense, and there was some type of ethnic music playing. The menu was full of things I had a hard time pronouncing, let alone recognizing in the English language. We ordered. Some time later, they brought our plates out, I wasn't quite sure where the food was. There were some thin strings of vegetables?? And I know I ordered chicken...but....

The girl I doubled with was looking at her plate with the same bewilderment. I think she must have decided that to be safe, she would start with her dinner roll. She picked it up, only to have it glop into her lap. It was mashed potatoes, piped out of a pastry bag, and lightly toasted. I was the only one who saw it happen, and I really had to give her credit for busting that move out, so I gave her the courtesy of not laughing. The rest of the evening went without incident. I do remember all of us singing "Push it" by Salt and Peppa in the car on the way to the dance. 'Cause we were classy like that. Ahhh, the 80's.

Anyway, back to the hair.

I was first lady of the big hair. I don't know if anyone could hold a candle to my big hair. (And please, don't because it would ignite and burst into flame.) I was excited to hear recently that big hair is comin' back. I really think I still have it in me.

I mean, really, when you can master hair that can survive water-skiing.....

tradition

If you have been reading this blog for a while, you will know that I collect weird signs.

My boys went to Moab this weekend with their Dad, which warrants several future blog entries, but I thought it was sweet of my ten year old to make sure a picture was taken of this sign. It's a gem.

Happy Easter, everyone!