I apologize for posting so sweaty this morning.
Can you smell my pits?
I am so sorry...
My friend who lives around the corner, (to protect her identity, we will just call her Ponica) invited me to go with her to the gym.
There are a couple of classes that she swore I would be able to do.
Even with my handicap of being born without the coordination gene.
I swore I would never take classes at the gym. Remember that?
Remember when I laugh at people at the gym?
Especially those Perky Girls?
My friend Ponica is very thin. And Perky. But muscular. And thin. You want to hate her, but you can't cause she is so dang cute and nice. (Smooches, Ponica!)
So we go to the first class.
First of all, Ponica marches me right up TO THE FRONT OF THE CLASS.
And the teacher is there, and she is a little slip of a thing, with muscles, and looks good in a ponytail with no make-up, and she is smiling and READY TO ROLL!
Her and Ponica know each other by name, and catch up a little.
Here is where I wonder...
Do all thin and beautiful people KNOW each other?
Is there a conspiracy?
Do they all gather periodically and lunch with Kate Moss?
Except I don't think they would lunch...
Maybe just re-arrange salad greens on a plate, and sip water.
So Ponica starts loading me up with all this equipment.
I had 10 pound weights.
Then I had a bar, with clips and weights.
And an exercise ball, in its own cute little tray.
I wondered how long the class was going to be.
We hopped a little, and used all the schtuff, and surprisingly there really weren't any moves I couldn't fake. Although at one point we had to swing the ball in a wide arc and my hands were so sweaty I almost flung the ball right at the teacher.
Did I mention we were on the front row?
I thought I did.
We focused, it seemed, on our shoulders muscles.
It hurt a lot.
I was shaking like I had palsy.
And then the teacher told us she was going to "burn us out" on our shoulders today.
And started to do these arm circle things.
I cashed in my tickets to Quittersville.
Then, the teacher told us to drop down and crank out some push-ups.
She said: "We can do regular push-ups all day....Yes?"
Me(in my head) "No we can NOT."
She: "So pull your elbows in tight to your body, and give me ten for your triceps."
Me(in my head) "Just quit."
Actually I had been telling myself to just quit since we got there, and Ponica wanted the front row.
Me (in my head) "Just try it. Then you can have a fudge bar when we get home! YAY! FUDGE!"
So we are supposed to do the tricep push ups using the step thingie. So I position my arms on the step, lift up and start to slowly lower my shaking frame down to the step. And here folks, is where my arms gave out.
I face-planted on the step.
Then I quickly checked for blood, and looked to see if anyone noticed.
It didn't look like they did.
I stopped and positioned my arms into a regular push-up, you know, to blend in.
Ponica noticed me stopping.
She tried to tell me we were doing those super-special push-ups, and not the wussy ones.
I just smiled, except it was more of a grimace, cause my face still hurt.
Somehow the class ended.
The next day I couldn't walk.
And today, Ponica had me go with her to the Spin class.
Stationary bikes. How hard can it be?
But my butt and lady regions are already feeling it.
I just know tomorrow I am going to cry.
My legs feel like tight zip-lock bags of jello.
I am glad Ponica drove, cause I think pressing on the gas pedal would have pushed me over the edge.
Ponica is motivating.
I'll give her that.
I have cooled off enough to shower.
Then I am eating a fudge bar and taking a nap.