I'm leavin' on a jet plane...

(and flyin' stand-by you really)...don't know when you'll be back again.

Here are some of my favorite links to keep you busy while I am gone.

ANIMATOR VS ANIMATION
I watch this thing at least once a month.
I chuckle everytime.
I don't need much to be completely entertained.

CAKEWRECKS
Please tell me you already go here.
And here:

FAILBLOG
Also here:
PHOTOSHOP DISASTERS

If you feel like you want to be productive?
ORGANIZING SITE
Or just look at cool stuff:
DESIGN*SPONGE
PRINT & PATTERN
Or...you could always bust into my house and go nuts folding laundry.
Or pulling weeds in the yard.

Either way.
Be good 'til I am back.

It wasn't by chance.

I found these shorts at Satan's Warehouse the other day while I was shopping.
As a side note, I discovered a new shopping tactic to beat the "shopping at Walmart headache."

I wear my iPod.

I no longer hear the annoying calls for CSM's over the intercom, the squeaky wobbly wheel on the cart I always seem to get...or my children.
Everything is always a little more enjoyable done to the beat of Lady Gaga and her "Pokerface."

Anyway, these shorts:
They caught my eye because they are longer shorts, and hit me at my knee.
This is a rare and good thing.
I bought two pair.
These in gray, and some bright summery orange ones.

They are my new uniform.

One on my body, and a pair in the wash.
They can go to the gym!
Plus, they were only eight bucks.

I wear them when I:
Go roller blading on my new! blades!

I had a gift card to Target,(thanks Crystal!) and when I saw these blades, I knew it was meant to be.

I had a pair of blades years ago, and at some point my boys commandeered them. They were black and gray, and unisex.
Not my new ones.
I don't think my boys will steal the pink blades.

I am bringing blading back for the pushin' 40 crowd!
I have been all over the neighborhood in these.
I have had several ladies come out of the closet and admit that they too love to blade and "should really pull my blades out one of these days."
Of course, some folks also laugh at me.

That's okay.

Cause when my inner thighs stop rubbing together cause they are tight like a tiger, who will be laughing then? Huh? Who?!

So my knee shorts, teamed up with the blades that hit me mid-calf, I figure by the end of the summer I will have the tannest kneecaps ever. Unless they are covered in scabs from me potentially biffing it.

The blades have come in particularly handy for working off my latest food baby.
We went out to eat with a group of friends the other night.
We went to Tucanos.
LINK
They have some buffet bars with delicious salads and side dishes.
Then, they also have these wonderful ethnic servers who come around with spears of freshly BBQ ed meats.
Fragrant, marinated meats.
Juicy, savory meats.

And when you are so full...so, so FULL, they keep coming.
"Ma'am jou like sim brow shoogar pork?"
"Oh no, I am full" you say patting your food baby.
And then they give you that look.
Like you just refused to look at the pictures of their bambinos they proudly display in their wallets.

So you accept more meat.
And you eat it.
And your food baby grows.
My stomach didn't know what to do with:
ALL.
THAT.
FOOD.
"Wow, she is still eating, huh? Well, just shove some of it down there in that colon. Yeah, keep shoving, it should fit. It can stretch."

And for three days afterwards you have gastrointestinal pain identical to labor pain.
Clear down in your lower back and into your spine...and bum, where you can't even bend over.

See how the roller blades came in handy?
Making things move a little?

And I can't say enough about the elastic waists on the new shorts.

Everything happens for a reason.

Going Green

We planted a garden this year.

We skipped the past couple of years, cause let's be honest...Sam and I are not really yard work lovin' people.

In fact, AstroTurf was made for folks like us.

This year, we wanted to teach the kids a little something about being self-reliant, and maybe eat some vegetables that don't come out of a metal can.

Can you explain to me, though, why I paid $1.47 for carrot SEEDS, that may or may not even grow, when I can buy a bag of pre-peeled and cut baby carrots for $1.99?

Likewise, I paid $2.47 for a pack of PEAS.
When they eventually grow, I will need to pick them, wash them, and shuck them for approximately 2 hours to get a bowl full of green peas that I could pay 99 cents for, frozen, at the grocery store.

I know we are growing more than vegetables.
We are growing children, or something poetic like that.

The Dance Festival

Since this blog is essentially my personal journal, occasionally y'all get some posts like this one, that aren't exactly entertaining unless they are your kids.

Kinda the same concept as no one likes to see your vacation pictures.

You can skip over this one if you want to.

This is the elementary school dance festival.
Usually we miss it.
We spend Memorial Day weekend at a cabin in Idaho. The dance festival usually falls in the same week.

The kids have always acted a little relieved to be missing the festival. We are not a very dance oriented family. We have no redeeming moves to speak of. And very little coordination. Makes us hard dance pupils. Anyway...

This year we opted out of the cabin, and are planning another destination next week.
So the kids participated in the dance festival.

Now, back in the day, the dance festival was about as long and painful as an insurance seminar.
Things have changed!
It lasted a mere sixty minutes this year, tops!
I was pleasantly surprised.
The theme of this years' festival was "Super Heroes!"
Each grade was some type of hero.
Some were harder to make out than others...
Also, things moved so quickly, that when the fourth graders came out to perform,

I was in a panic trying to find the twins so I could get a picture.
That first picture? Doesn't even have any of my kids in it. But it is the fourth grade...their Super Hero was some lightning dude.
I only got one of Shayne:

And I finally spotted Shianne, and got a couple quick ones of her.
Did I mention we have four kids in elementary this year?
It's a lot of sack lunches.

Fourth grade is hard.
They try way too hard to be cool.

Shianne was clearly embarrassed to be seen with...what is that? Toilet paper around her head? Super Hero toilet paper.

Ah, now she is getting into it:

She was clear across the playground.
They say a mother's love is equal to the size of her camera lens.
This is mine:

And that is not even zoomed out.
I have alot of love.
It allows me to sit on my duff, and get pictures from anywhere.
It also allows me to get pictures that my fifth grader doesn't know I am taking...

He complained all week long.
"The dance festival is stoooopid. Check me out of school! I don't want to even do it."
Looks like he hated it, eh?:

It was super hard for him to act like Spider, um, guy. Homemade black yarn webbed shirt and all...

Then for our Kindergartner...now, seriously, can Kindergartners be any cuter?
Here they are lining up.

I am certain someone told them to be an arm's length apart.
They took this very seriously.

Good little soldiers.
Super Heroes are strong!

And they can flyyyyyyyyyy!

And they are also out of school in three short days.

These better be some cute pants.

I almost died (again) the other night at the gym.
It was so hot.
I had a heartbeat in my face...

I should probably back up and say that I am still wearing my winter sweatpants to the gym.

I am sure that was most of my problem.
The rest of the world has embraced summer with tank tops, me...not so much.
I don't want to be duped into enjoying the weather until Mother Nature decides to put the snow machine in storage.

Anyway, yesterday, I stopped into Ross, and found the cutest stinking workout capri's!
They are made out of that slickery sleeping bag fabric, and they have cargo pockets.
They are also mesh vented.
When I tried them on in the dressing room, some chick told me they made my butt look tiny.

That was all I needed to hear.

I think stores would find it in their best interest to pay someone to hang out in the dressing room, and just tell ladies that their bums looked good in things.

Sales would go up five hundred thousand percent.

Of course I bought them.
In navy.

And then I got home, and really wanted the black ones too.
Okay, people, here is where I have always been the biggest dork.
These pants were ten bucks.
Yep. Ten singles.
Two fivers...or 40 quarters.
The latter of which I could probably find in the cushions of my couch RIGHT NOW.
And I have this inner dialog:
"You don't need two pairs of those pants."
"But they fit goooooood..."
"Yeah, but one pair is good enough, there will be other pants."

I drive myself crazy.

I couldn't stop thinking about them.
So I called Sam and had him pick up the black pair on his way home from work.

I had to guide him in on the cellphone.
"They are on a rack called "Active Bottoms," it is in the back of the store."
"They are black, with a pink stripe..."
Anyway, he bought them. He is a good man.

So, I rip the tags off this morning, and slide into them.
Here is where women's clothing is the craps...

He bought me the same size, but in a different color, right?
Well, they don't fit the same.
What is that?!

They are a tad bit tighter, especially across the rump.
I don't be needin' that in pump class when I do my dead-lifts.

So today I was on a quest!
To try on all the pants in the store in that same size to find the magic pair that fits like the navy ones.

Please tell me you have done this with women's clothes?
Why would the same style and same size fit differently?
WHY??!!!

Well, they were out, anyway.
That is the thing with Ross. You have to buy it if you like it, cause it's gonna be gone and never be re-stocked.

So I drag poor Mikayla to the Ross in Orem this morning.
Nothing.
And since we were on the freeway anyway, I also went to the Draper Ross.
Surely I would find some there?
Nope.

I bought Mikayla a Happy Meal and dropped her off to school.
And took my same pants home.

I guess I am keeping them.
I might lose five pounds?

So basically I wasted a whole morning, which cost me about ten bucks in gas, and another Kidzbop CD.
Awesome.

A true story.

Once upon a time, a well-intentioned lady made baked beans for lunch.
These were to go with the marinated chicken breasts, barbecued to perfection.
The lady had a husband.
The husband liked the beans.
"Those are good beans!" he said.
"Thank you." she replied.
(Burying the Bush's can deep into the trash, as she had previously always served homemade beans from her grandma's recipe file.)
Fast forward to dinner.
"Are there more of those good beans?" the husband hungrily asked.
"Why, yes!" the beaming lady cried.
And served him up a healthy portion.
Fast forward to bedtime.
The husband filled the house with toxic farts.
The lady died.

The End.

Stuff on Sunday

Stuff I will miss someday.
The girls taking all the "orphan kids" to the movies:

The boys hiding out in their blanket forts:

Sometimes kids are cool.

Stuff I have been liking:

Dreyer's Fruit Bars
Especially the coconut flavor and the lime flavor.
Plus, they are like 80 calories each.
Thinking about making a kids art gallery for one of my walls.
I like this:

Or this:

I have also been liking that school is out for summer in a couple of weeks.
I know I will regret this short-lived happiness after they have been home for about three days, but for right now, I am so sick of signing off homework sheets, and looking for library books, and packing lunches...
It will be nice to have late nights, and sleep in days.
And hanging out more with goofy guys like this:

Chicken Salad

Here is one of my favorite summer recipes.
I think it must be chick food.
I can usually get my family to eat it once...and then I am eating the leftovers every day for lunch for like a whole week straight.

It makes a lot.

It is good for a couple of days, and then the craisins swell up, and the cashews get soggy.

If you have leftovers, invite some girlfriends over.
They will appreciate it.

Chicken Salad
1 rotisserie chicken (pick the meat off and chop it up)
1 lb diced celery (I use the leaves too)
1 c. craisins
1 c. chopped cashews

Dressing:
1 qt mayo (you will use almost the whole thing, I used fat free and it was great)
1 T. onion powder
1 T. sugar
1 t. salt
1 1/2 t. pepper
1/2 t. curry powder

Mix all ingredients together with a couple cups of the mayo. Fold into salad. Add more mayo if it looks dry.

Slice open croissants and stuff with salad.
Eat.

Thank You McDonalds.

Thanks to the latest Happy Meals I purchased, McDonalds has given me yet another reason to hate them.

KidzBop.

Oh my holy hellllllll.

How is it possible to ruin "Hey There Delilah" or "Pon De Replay?"
I will tell you how it is possible.

Have some screechy group of pre-pubescent kids of unknown sex belt it out.
Record it.
And then give these CD's out FREE! in Happy! Meals!

My kids think they are a treasure and need to be played over and over.
And over.
Loudly.

My Mother's Day

Here we are, the traditional Mother's Day photo AKA the only photo I am in during a calendar year.
I need a cut and color...
And it is a heads only shot, as true to Wadley style, 33 seconds after we walk in the door from church everyone has stripped and changed into pajama pants.

I actually had a really good day this year.
Sam and I will celebrate our 15th anniversary this year.
After 15 years, he nailed it!
I got my nap.
And at some point during the week before Mothers Day, he took the kids to the dollar store to pick out gifts for me.
I don't need gifts.
But I want my kids to learn how to be thoughtful.
They definitely had me in mind when they picked out the presents.
Brendan picked out the BBQ skewers.
"They are for meat." he said
"Meat for the grill. And I guess fruit and stuff."
"Make sure you only use them for MEAT..."
"For the grill."

This said like a tentative parent gifting a child their first pocketknife.

He could see in my eyes that I had already conjured up a million uses for long-metal pronged handled stick.
"GO CLEAN THE PLAYROOM!!" (jab! jab!)
(brandishing stick wildly)
"GO GET ME SOME COOKIES!" (jab! jab!)
Brendan and I think alike.

Mikayla got me my favorite teeth-rotting candy.
Sugar Babies.
And Chocolate Covered Sugar Babies.
Who knew those existed?
Maybe only at Dollar Tree?
And since she has given them to me, she has asked me seventeen times "when are you going to open those candies."
They taunt her.

I got the usual menagerie of handmade cards and pictures.
The cards containing coupons with non-committal promises:
"this coupon entitles you to ___me tickling your back for one minute_____.
"I will ____brush my teeth____for you for one week."
"I will_____not complain about dinner______for you."
I never tire of those...

And Sam got all the kids to bed, and gave me a no strings attached (if you catch my drift) massage while I watched the Food Network.

How kick-butt was that?
I am a lucky momma.

Happy Pre-Mother's Day

I am preparing early.

Mother's Day dinner. Check!
(pasta salad, deviled eggs, and stuff ready for the BBQ grill.)
Gifts for my Mom and MIL. Check!
Cards for above. Check!
Church lesson. Check!
Cards for my Young Women to give to their moms. Check!
Clean house. Check!
(as clean as we get here...)
Clean van. Check!
(the kids were all too excited to put on their swim suits and smear the dirt around.)

I might actually have a good day tomorrow!

Last year, I wrote Haiku's. HERE.

Here was my rant from 2007. HERE.

I have a history of crappy Mother's Days.
This year I am determined to have a good day!
I am practicing the art of positive thinking.

I WILL BE GRATEFUL!
I WILL BE APPRECIATED!
I WILL FEEL LOVED!
I WILL HAVE A NAP!

I will report back.

Raising my glass of Fresca to all the moms out there...
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
Hope it is a good one for you.

"The story of a mother's life: Trapped between a scream and a hug."
--Cathy Guisewite

Score!

I already got three of the presents on my "Things I Want for Mother's Day" list.
And it's not even Mother's Day!
(((Squeal!)))

First of all...we went to Costco, and Sam said, "Hey, while we are here, why don't we go look at that camcorder you have been wanting?"
So we looked.
And he bought.

Since he was mindlessly shelling out ca$h- I ran into Roberts Crafts and couponed up that scrapbook tool I wanted.

Then, feeling a little high on the generosity of my normally conservative husband, I approached him with the idea of the tummy-tuck, to which he replied:

"Pshaw, you DON'T even NEED a tummy tuck."

That lie, my blog-friends, was a gift in itself.

Big plans.

I get to go to the dentist tomorrow.

We went for our family check-up, and I am assuming that my dentist is planning on purchasing a new luxury boat this summer, and needed us to pick up the down payment for it.

We have between us all nine cavities.

They suggested that I also get a crown.
A crown for a tooth that DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A CAVITY IN IT.
Granted, it has a hairline crack, and might break at any time...but...for the love of all that is holy!
I do not want another crown.
I still have sweaty nightmares about the last one.

In other news...
Stuff I have been liking lately:
Kraft Roasted Red Pepper Italian Vinaigrette.
Almost makes me like salad again.
We broke up for a while, salad and I, when I was really being good about Weight Watchers.
I felt like a rabbit.
I am back on the wagon now.
This dressing helps make it easier to be a rabbit.

Boca Burgers.
Specifically these Bruschetta flavored ones.

And they are under 100 calories each.
Slap that patty on an English muffin and you are under 250 calories and very full.
For real.

Why are my newsworthy things to report always FOOD?

Also this:

The sun.

Making an occasional appearance in Utah lately.
Much appreciated.
On the to-do list this week:

1- Pick up the fixed dishwasher.
2- Stop eating everything off of foam plates.
3- Send Sam to Bowling! Nationals!
4- Send Brendan to Scout camp-out.
5- Buy myself some Mother's Day Gifts.

I have been eyeing THIS.
And THIS.
Two of THESE.
And THESE.

At the very least, THIS.
Or THIS.
What are you doing this week?
And what is on your Mother's Day wish list?