Back to "our" normal.

We put all the holiday crud away last night.
I couldn't take it anymore.
I am proud of myself, most years the stuff comes down 12/26.
How can it be that every year we need a new Tupperware tote?
I really didn't think I collected all that much this year.
Could be my packing skills.
I was in such a hurry to get it all stuffed back into the crawl space, that I literally shoved everything into the bins.
Note to self: Buy super glue for next Christmas.

I think we are finishing up on the sickness here.
Mikayla is better. (mostly)
I feel better.
Shayne is better.
Sam, who thought he was coming down with it said he feels good today.
I am knocking on...well, Formica.

Yesterday I edited photos all day.
I pick them up today.
I still need to finish 30 layouts and projects by the 2nd.
I have done ten already.

The kids have been doing their part to leave me extra studio time.
Santa brought them huge boxes of cereal to live on.
And a box of oranges.
Plus, they have been wearing the same footed pajamas for days!
Team players, I tell ya.

I looked up how many WW points my homemade almond roca was.
The almond roca that I have been eating like a starving person, handfuls at a time, so much that my teeth hurt.
Oh man, it is gooooooood.
Five points.
FIVE!
A piece!
Awesome.

January will be very sweaty and hungry.

Christmas is:

72 AA batteries.
Six laser tags guns.
Four remote control helicopters.
One helicopter rotors already tangled up in Shianne's hair.
Two talking monkeys.
Six Advil.
One slightly gross yellow cake freshly baked in Mikayla's Easy Bake Oven.
Three feet of snow...and counting. (Big storm coming tonight.)
Two garbage sacks full of paper and boxes.
One Lazy-Boy recliner box (already claimed by the monkey family)
Two exhausted parents. (3 am bedtime)
**side note, the kids slept until 9:00! Mom gave them some *special* hot cocoa last night that may or may not have contained um...(whispers) Dimetapp...
5,655 calories consumed by me...and counting.
Five happy kids.

Merry Christmas everyone!

So you think you are done...

...and then a random neighbor from around the block comes over with a gift.

I am in that frantic mode...the one where you wonder if you have under-purchased for one of the kids.
Or forgotten someone.
And then you start second-guessing ALL of the gifts you have socked away in the closet.

Sigh.

CHA (a scrapbook trade show) is right around the corner, and I have 41 layouts and projects to be completed before Jan 12th. That'll make me sleep good at night, yes? Having a butt-ton of assignments hanging over my head during the holidays.

I am also coming down with a cold.
Sore throat on one side, and stuffy-head achy head.

I do love me some Nyquil though.

On the agenda for today:
Update blog. (check!)
The annual! family! Candy-Day!

This is a tradition we did growing up in my house.
Everyone in the family takes a holiday treat recipe and makes it.
I even remember my Dad mixing up some rice-krispie squares.

My kids love it, and they are all old enough to make a lot of the recipes.
We will be making:

Cake Balls
Divinity
Orangecicle Fudge
Chocolate Fudge
Caramels
Rice Krispie Squares

Maybe the having a cold thing is a good idea.
If I can't taste anything, maybe I will be less inclined to eat it.

Hoping you have a Merry Christmas!
Wishing you confidence in your gift-giving, good treats on your table, and clear nasal passages!

Let it snow! (But only minimally.)

Well, folks--it looks like Christmas is still going to come.
As much as I pretend that it may go away if I don't venture out to the crowded stores full of cranky people and those super cinnamon-y smelling pine cones.
It is still coming.

I need to finish up on my Christmas stuff.

Of course, this is the week that Winter chose to come to Utah.
Here is the view from my front porch:

That would be my husband's truck.
He will have to scrape it, in order to go to work.
My van is tucked into the garage...
That is literally the only way I would ever leave the house in winter.
If I had to scrape every time...gloves or no gloves, it wouldn't happen.
It barely happens anyway.

The kids have been cooped up inside the house.
The have asked to go outside and play in the snow, and I keep saying "no."
Why?
Because I can't face the four foot pile of wet: gloves, mittens, scarves, coats, snow-pants, boots, socks, and ballet-tu-tu's. (<---don't ask, it was some "Nutcracker" thing last year.)
I barely manage the laundry, and Winter came.
Thanks Winter!
Love ya.

So since the kids have been cooped up in the house...they have been at each others' throats. Fighting, wrestling, breaking things, crying...I turn up the Christmas music super-loud to drown them out.

What the festive? It's fabulous here!

Finally, in a fit of desperation, (Brendan was particularly ornery), I told him to get on the treadmill, and DO NOT GET OFF until you have gone ONE MILE!!
He needed to work out some of his aggression.

I hear the treadmill crank up, and I hear the thunk, thunk, thunk of his men's size seven shoes. (He's ten.)

And I go upstairs to think of something for dinner.
After a few minutes, I go downstairs to grab something, and I hear this weird whizzing sound coming from the treadmill...


He has flipped the wheels out on his Heeley's and is kicked back, and coasting his mile on the treadmill.

Today all the children will be shoveling snow.

We all knew eventually I would stoop this low.

Tuesday night, after power-pump class at the gym, Ponica and I ran a couple of errands.
One of which was the grocery store, and I was really hungry for a snack, so like the good and faithful weight watcher that I am, I went to the single candy bar aisle, instead of the Theater sized and bagged candy aisle.

Really, I know I should have just waited until I got home, and feasted on the tasty rice cakes that have been gathering dust in my pantry for two months.
I just wanted something chocolatey and chewy, okay?

Anyway, here I am, by myself, in the candy aisle.
Well, I was kinda, sort-of a little bit gassy.
And alone.
And I maybe just let a little gas escape.
My stomach hurt.

And no kidding. RIGHT THEN, this guy walks into the aisle. Right to where I was standing, and not some random stranger, but a kid I went to high school with. Not my age, but I still knew who he was.

There was nowhere for me to go, and no one else to blame it on.
I was there.
And it was there. Hovering.

I grabbed a random candy bar and left.
So embarrassed.
And the candy bar I grabbed wasn't even one I liked.
I was not going back to that aisle.

The next day, (I can't even make this stuff up) in my inbox was a "friend" request from Facebook.

That guy!
I am not lying.
I must have made quite an impression.

A picture diary.

Looks like my posts have been pretty text-heavy for the past few weeks.
So here are some photos of the latest happenings:
First up.
My friend and gym buddy PONICA <----that is a link, in case you haven't been following the blog long...
Ponica has three kids. Her youngest is a daughter. She is a cute little turd, and she is little.
This picture was taken the other night when they were over at our house.

Can you see what the Daughter of Ponica chose to play with?
Hand-weights.
Yep.
She is clearly Ponica's child.
I think that blood is thicker than water. Or so the saying goes.
I needed some new pictures for an assignment.
This was the best I could do.
Indoor, at about 10:00 at night, with a flash.
Pretty craptastic, but it appears as if my girls actually like each other?
Weirdness.

Sam's dad owns a bowling center.
Sam and his dad have been working all summer long on getting everything ready to build a new center. In our town! YAY!
The past few weeks, they have broken ground on the new center.
The kids like to help, where they can.
It helps that my dad is the contractor for the project.
He doesn't think the kids are too pesky.
Yet.

Before you are too impressed with my boys, please note that what they are carrying is not plywood or Masonite.
It is foam.
Let my five year old daughter demonstrate:

Of course, she has been working out with Ponica's daughter.
Project?
Okay. Most of the stuff I have been working on I can't even share yet. Some of it has been for a book deal for Memory Makers Magazine. Oooooo!
Remember that I am HUGE in Europe? Yeah, I thought so.
But here is a little somethin' sporting some Core'dinations cardstock, and some Quickutz Silhouette shapes.

Those photos are old ones.
Mikayla is I think three there.
Here she is this afternoon:

This weekend, I met up with some friends and had lunch.
Some of them pictured are my online scrapping friends. It was pretty cool to meet them in real life.
Laura and Deneen came to Utah from California.
Just to go to lunch with me!
Right guys?
It had nothing to do with the free Utah trip they won from Creating Keepsakes...

Thank you for letting me steal the photos too.

We also did some warehouse shopping while they were here.
I only got us lost once trying to find the warehouse.
Those California girls were dying to see the industrial areas of Utah anyway...
I didn't need anything, but still managed to blow through $80.00.
It felt darn good to get out.
I need to do that more often.
(If you ever want to go to lunch...have your people call my people! I'm totally in.)
And other randomness with no photos:
(You are welcome.)
My laundry on Thursday was piled up. I bet it was at least 20 loads.
I am happy to report that it is finished.
There have been no signs of additional house guests.
I hit a pretty good clearance rack at Kohls, and got Shianne a darling outfit. I will probably need to take a picture of this one.
I had a $10.00 gift card (free from my last Kohls purchase) and after a teeny bit of flirting with the little cash register guy, I got an additional 30% off.
Picked up:
A plaid mini-skirt.
A long-sleeved shirt to match.
Pants for Mikayla.
Shirt for Mikayla.
All for $9.09

Love me a good bargain.
And minus the pretty standard stuff like highly-nutritional and tasty meals, educationally stimulating family activities, and intense personal scripture study, you should feel caught up with life at the Wadley Asylum.

The Christmas List part deux

I loved this comment from one of my blog readers, Marti.
Thanks Marti!

About 5 years ago, we started the "3-gift rule" with the kids (from Santa). Christ received 3 gifts at his birth and we told the kids they shouldn't receive more than HE did for HIS birthday so they are allowed 3 gifts only. It works great! They have to narrow it to their favorite 3 things. It works quite well. One year, my son wanted 4 things and he asked me "Why weren't there FOUR wise men?" . WE put the extra item in his stocking - it was a small thing. When the kids ask why other children receive more than 3 things from Santa, we explained that it was OUR rule and we told Santa that is how we want it done in our home.

Good luck with those lists! You have to admire their dedication :o)

I really want to start this in my house.
I broke it to the kids last night.
They seemed to be fine with it.
The kid that wrote the list?
Already found a loophole.
"Mom! That will be great! Cause one of the gifts Jesus got was GOLD!
A GIANT! BRICK! of GOLD!"
"Yes," I said, "but then the other two gifts were Frankincense and Myrrh, which are basically deodorant and cologne. So if you are okay with that being the other two gifts, then we are set."

Making a list...and CHUCKING it twice.

My kids have been unable to complete their homework, as of late, as their poor little hands are all cramped up.
They have been feverishly working on their Christmas! Lists!
Here is a sample of just one of my little darlings' Holiday Wish Lists.
Some of the items on that list include:

PS3 80GB Game System
Recharge Station
Remote
Wireless Controllers
Five or six games (Santa can just pick)
Guitar Hero World Tour Super Bundle
Portable DVD Player
Video iPod

This list...

The list went on for four pages.
That's right folks, college ruled, one item per line, FOUR PAGES...
And he assures me he is not finished.

I told him Santa would not be bringing him a whole bunch of expensive things.
"Why not?" he said, "he just has those elves make everything for free."

"Well, honey, someone has to pay the elves for all their hard work."
"Dad and I usually pay Santa for some of the expensive stuff..."
I was sweating! I didn't know where I was going with this.
I had to go into "labor laws", and "minimum wage"...to keep alive the LIE that is SANTA. Sigh...

It would be a lot easier if the kids just figured it out.
I know, I know, it would lose some of the "magic", but man! Santa gets a lot of credit for just sitting around in a red velour track suit.

Back to the list.
And the disappointment that will ensue for this kid come Christmas morning.
I can get on board with number 51: Soccer Ball.
Number 71: Boondoggle stuff (he went to Scout Camp, okay?)
Even number 73: Alvin and the Chipmunks Soundtrack.
A little annoying, but at least I KNOW WHAT IT IS!
The rest of the list has things like:
ZX Turbo
and Jetrax TG
(???!)
And, if Santa could not figure things out either, or if he just happened to have some extra room in that sleigh of his...I especially enjoyed number 53:

Covering all the bases, right there.

I think it would be entertaining for "Santa" to teach him a lesson on being greedy.

Maybe "Santa" could donate all of his allotted Christmas Funds to a charity.

Better yet, "Santa" could wrap up the utility, dentist and his emergency medical bills all stamped with a "Paid in Full, Merry Christmas!"

Or perhaps, "Santa" could wrap up a manila envelope, full of photos of this kids horribly-messy-should-be-condemned, apparently MOUSE INFESTED room, at various times throughout the year...accompanied by a festive North Pole letterhead correspondence card with the words:
"You Fail."

Thankful

Sam works the graveyard shift on weekends.
As a result, his sleep patterns are pretty messed up.
Sometimes it is frustrating, to have him still sleeping in the afternoon.

At night, I usually go to bed, and leave him watching a movie.
"Come to bed" I say.
"I am not tired."

The day before Thanksgiving, he slept in longer than usual.
I had to make sure he was still alive...

"What time did you go to bed last night?"
"After three."
"What were you doing?"
"You don't want to know."
Since he knew my imagination could conjure up something probably worse than what he was actually doing, he quickly explained that we had a MOUSE! in the house, and he stayed up to make sure it caught its demise.

A little background here.

I am deathly terrified of mice. That puts it mildly.

I am not actually sure there are words in the English language to describe my terror of mice.

"They are more afraid of you than you are of them."
That is a lie.

We had an unwanted visitor last year, and I almost put the house on the market.

He found our vulgar little house guest IN THE PLAYROOM!
WHERE MY BABIES PLAY!

He set a trap, and then blocked the door off by shoving a blanket under the bottom.
He watched the disgusting rodent go up to the peanut butter laden trap, run OVER it, and to the other side of the room.
Good quality trap, right there.
Then the offensive fur ball ran towards the door, was confused at it being closed off, and headed for the other side of the room.
In the process, the germ-infested creep ran over the top of Sam's slipper-clad foot.

(Sam is narrating this story, half asleep)

He said this is where he was only slightly embarrassed to admit that he squealed like a teenage girl, and did a rapid two-step that would have made his old clogging teacher proud.

As he skipped around the playroom, shaking himself, he realized he lost sight of the enemy.

Then he looked down.
Under his slipper.
And there it was.
Paws up.
Dead.

I am not sure it was being stepped on as much as being a witness to 190 pounds of man flitting about in slippers and underwear that did him in.

Whatever the reason, I am grateful it is gone.
And thankful that my husband loves me enough to leave me out of it.
Also thankful that my kids are old enough to clean out that playroom today without their skittish pansy of a mother.

A poll...

Just wondering, here.
Does anyone in your house use those bathroom fart fans?

I am really tired of being caught off guard; walking into a closed bathroom and right into a lingering cloud of post-turd aroma.

No more Christmas Shoes.

I think "Christmas Shoes" has got to be the sappiest, worst Christmas song ever.
Oh my gosh.
Even my kids moan in agony when it comes on the radio.
And every year, it is back.
Like head lice.

I have been listening to Christmas music on and off for a couple months now, from my own CD collection, but I recently found a local station who is playing it 24/7.

This gives me some good variety, but also subjects me to Christmas Shoes.
If you don't know what I am talking about: A: You are lucky. And B: Click on "Christmas Shoes" and it will link you to it. Don't come crying to me with your bleeding ear drums.

Also "Simply having a WONDERFUL Christmas Time."
I don't like that one either.
It affects me much like nails on a chalkboard.
What was Paul McCartney thinking?
What an insult to the Beatles.

Anyway, new this year...is CHRISTMAS SHOES: The Movie.
I am not kidding.
And it features Rob! Lowe! So it has GOT to be good. Right?

Really, can they milk the whole mom-dying-during-Christmas thing more?

Heavy sigh.

Stupid Sugar.

We all know that I have fallen off the wagon on the whole watching my weight thing.
Not so much fallen off the wagon...more like the wagon keeps driving by candy stores, and I cannot stop myself.

So needless to say, I am up three pounds.

I am not happy.

I want to be able to eat everything, and in large amounts. Like my kids.
I am not sure what happens as you get older.

I am back on points this week.
And next week.
And however long it takes to dump my extra few pounds.

I am realizing that this will never end.
Unless I get a TAPEWORM!
Hey? Anyone ever tried one of those?
Sigh.

Made this last night.

It was good.
Real. Good.

Orange Cream Fudge
INGREDIENTS
3 cups white sugar
2/3 cup evaporated milk
3/4 cup butter
1 (7 ounce) jar marshmallow creme
1 (11 ounce) package white chocolate chips
3 teaspoons orange extract
12 drops yellow food coloring
9 drops red food coloring

DIRECTIONS
Grease a 9 x 13 inch pan.
In a medium saucepan over medium heat, combine sugar, cream and butter. Heat to soft ball stage. Remove from heat and stir in marshmallow creme and white chocolate chips; mix well until the chips melt. Reserve 1 cup of mixture and set aside.
To the remaining mixture add orange flavoring, yellow and red food coloring. Stir well and pour into prepared pan. Pour reserved cream mixture on top. Using a knife, swirl layers for decorative effect.
Chill for 2 hours, or until firm, and cut into squares.

I ate two pieces.
It is very rich.
Do not ask me what I constitute as a "piece."
I had guilt, and thought about getting on the treadmill.
So I sat on the couch, and watched "Get Smart" with the kids until the guilty feeling passed.

I am still in awe.

Sam and I went and saw Body World 3 last night.

I have to say, this was the most awesome thing I have experienced in a very, very long time.

I am a really visual person, so lots of questions I had about human bodies was answered for me.

Sam wondered if somehow I had skipped health, or anatomy, or wherever it was I was supposed to learn this stuff.

I was completely fascinated.

For instance:
I was surprised at the location, and how small an appendix is.
I was equally as surprised at how large a liver is.
I saw where my gall bladder used to live.
And how tightly all the organs fit inside a body cavity.
I always imaged lungs looking like a mass of packing bubbles.
Nope. More like a really fine sponge.
You can't really see the alveoli.

The bodies were definitely either male or female, if you know what I mean...I would not take my kids.
If you catch my meaning there...
For those of you wondering about that.

If you get a chance to go--do it.
Wear comfortable shoes.
They don't let you bring in a purse, backpack, camera or anything, so leave that stuff in the car.
Plan on spending some time.

All in all we spent about 2 1/2 hours there, looking at organs, blood vessels, and full bodies.

Then we went to eat.

All those dried out muscles made me crave beef jerky.

NO WAY!!!

CLOWN MUG

<----click on that.
If I hold on to my investment, I can pay for therapy later. With ca$h.
(thanks, Lora!)
(edited to fix link, it works now :))

Tell me you wouldn't have bought this....

This set me back fifty cents at the thrift store.
I am irrationally scared of clowns and a couple of other things that I am ashamed to mention on my blog.
I bought it anyway.
It spoke to me.
Like a horrible, horrible nightmare.
I was sort-of, a little bit, afraid to not buy it.
What exactly is it, you ask?

Well, the scalp comes up...

It is a fabulous MUG!

And you can drink your favorite beverage out of the clown's head! YAY!
My current favorite is this:

Although a goal of mine, is to dump soda all together.
I am taking that one slow, I just broke up with caffeine, and I have been having a rough go.
One step at a time.
Happy clown will help me.
Or drag me under my bed at night and kill me.

My new BFF

There is this new kid that moved into the neighborhood.
He is in ninth grade.

He came over to our house Thursday, after he and Jayden got off the bus together.
They played some Foosball in the basement.
I was in the kitchen on the computer...I hollered down and asked Jayden how school went.
New Friend came upstairs with Jayden to introduce himself.
That is when he said IT...

"Are you the sister or the Mom?"

I love that new kid.

Finally have Internet again.

Our phone lines have been dead for four days.
Qwest finally figured it out.
They traced our lines back to a box that is located close to our elementary school.
The last technician to work there left the box unlocked and some kid went to town on all the wires in the box with a pair of scissors.
HA!
Anyway, I am baaaaaack!
Here is a quick costume gallery from Halloween.
First up, me and Ponica.
She made me dress up. I wasn't planning on it. She told me "everyone would be dressed up at the neighborhood trunk or treat."
You can plainly see she runs my life now.

Shianne as a...well, we never did give it a title. Punk-rock? Goth? Just an excuse to wear a lot of make-up, tease her hair, and if you scrolled down, she was wearing fish-nets.
Remember her back pack?
I thought you did.

Next up, Mikayla.
Your basic Witch.
Purchased the night before Halloween, on clearance for $10.00

Jayden did not dress up for school, and right before trunk or treat, he decided to throw something on.
Dad's stinky Hockey stuff.

Sigh.
Why does this kid always look like a nerd?
His dental face gear will be coming on Monday.
Killing self-esteem, it's our specialty here...

Brendan is always something scary, and black.
And the same make-up.
White skin, sunken cheeks.
He complains the whole time, and then loves it.

There you have it.

And in other news...
My Mom and Dad went on this cruise.
My Dad works for the airline too.
They flew stand-by.
They are currently stuck in Istanbul.

I am counting my blessings.

I voted.

Although I didn't really like either presidential candidate.
I will just be happy to have the elections over.
I am tired of it all.

I have, however, enjoyed picking up on some of the campaign lingo.

"I am Shaunte Wadley, and I approve of this dinner."
Has a way better ring to it than "Hey, guys! Come eat!"

"I am Shaunte Wadley, and I approve of this laundry."
Nice!

I went into Target today, and bought a bunch of Halloween candy on clearance. I know that this was a bad thing for the diet plan. But I got fun sized Snickers bags for $1.14!
Tell me you would have passed that up!
More wrappers! YAY!

I really don't have much else to report here.
Sam is out of town, but gets home tonight.
Since he has been gone, for a whopping two days:
The dishwasher plugged up. We have had to wash by hand.
Oh, the agony!
The dryer is not drying.
And...
My phones don't work.
No dial tone.
Hence, our internet has been unavailable.
I have been stealing internet from a neighbor.
I thought about baking them cookies.
But I am afraid the oven will die too.
Maybe I will take them some of these candy bars!

"I am Shaunte Wadley, I approve of this blog post."

Shhh...

When the kids go to school tomorrow, I am throwing out all the Halloween candy.
I can NOT take picking up one more candy wrapper!!!

My day sucked.

Yesterday was one of my least favorite days I have had on this earth so far.
I don’t like the dentist.
And yesterday, I had the privilege of spending two quality hours there. For myself. I had a little work done.

It started off nice. Around 2:00.

The office has warm cookies. I am not kidding. They are not even trick cookies made out of fluoride or something. A festive plate full of warm, chocolate chip cookies. They were in reception where you check in and out.

I declined, since I was having work done, and had just brushed the crap out of my teeth right before coming over. To prove how thorough I really am, and how did this girl get cavities anyway? I am not sure, she is such a good brusher!

They seated me, and offered me a soft, warm blanket.
I got my own TV. With a tiny remote.
Of course, nothing was on, so the assistant offered me a movie.

I chuckled inside, thinking a whole movie was a bit much, but I settled on one to watch because it was better than football and way better to drown out the horrible elevator music that is playing in the background.

Then the dentist came in, and his perky assistant with a clipboard.
They started that secret code talk.
“Looks like a 17 on J and A.”
“Possible 24 on J as well.”
Perky assistant scribbles away…
I am pretty sure a “17” means “this lady never flosses.”
And the other code was for the Mountain Dew deposits.

Then they both leave. Probably to talk about my super! awesome! shoes!. I wore the silver ones. They give me confidence. I needed confidence.

In fact, I almost chickened out in the parking lot.

Then this other chick comes in.

I guess her only job is to give people shots.
She has the worst job ever.
No one likes her.
She should get some awesome shoes.

The first order of business she attends to is to chain the token bib around my neck.

This sends the clear message, that yes, you will be drooling all over, and you will have no dignity at all, as you will not be able to feel said drool.

She gave me the numbing gel, and while I am holding two swabs in my mouth, and trying to prevent the drool from running down my chin…she proceeds to talk to me.

Why? Why do they do this?

She is talking about my kids from yesterday.
“Very well behaved” she said, “just great kids.”

And I am thinking “Well, pick a favorite, cause most likely you guys will be getting one for collateral when this bill hits.”

I mumbled something, and I think she translated it.

Then, she stuck me with the needle. IN THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH. I swear to you…she nicked my brain. I felt it in my scalp. I am not even lying. And I thought I was going to cry.

The second injection went into the side of my mouth, and I was numb in my ear.

What is that?!

Then she left. And the dentist came back.

Everything after that was a blur.

There was drilling, and grinding, and I smelled burning teeth, and the girl kept suctioning my lips and it made a horrible sound, and where does all that spit and blood and tooth shards go anyway? Where? Is there a big septic tank under the dentist office?

I couldn't hear the movie, what with the drilling and my newly deaf ear.

And they kept moving and blocking the movie anyway.

At one point I lifted my leg up, and moved the TV with my foot. I can thank the gym for that moment of dexterity.

Then the movie was OVER.

A 1 ½ hour movie.

The credits were rolling!

How long was I going to be in that chair? The blanket was sticking to my sweat and I felt claustrophobic and trapped, I wanted to scream, but I couldn't because, well…I had FOUR LATEX CLAD HANDS IN MY MOUTH.

And then, when I was praying for escape, it was over.

“You did great!” said perky.

What does that even mean? Are there really people who don’t do great? Laying there, deaf and mute?

“You have a temporary crown” she chirped “make sure you don’t put stress on it with anything like Corn-nuts.”

What the freak?

Corn-nuts?

She continued “Nothing sticky like Milk Duds, Sugar Babies or Gum.”

Ouch.
There goes the post trick-or-treat bag raid.

“You should be good to go then, call us if you have any questions.”

I ripped my sticky skin off of the naugahyde chair, and made my way to the front of the office.
To reception.
Where the cookies are!
Cookies I couldn't eat.

And I stood there all numb and drooled all over my super! awesome! shoes! while I made my next appointment.

I was numb until about nine, and then the pain hit.

Conveniently the pain hit while I was in Satan’s Warehouse, getting last minute Halloween costumes for the “very well behaved” kids. Kids who unbeknownst to me until TONIGHT lost our costume bag because they wanted to put on a play with them in July.

So don’t judge too harshly the costumes of the Wadley kids this year.

Aspirations.

Can I talk about my Shayne for a minute?
I know that Moms aren't supposed to have favorites, and I don't...but...
This kid (knock on wood) has never given us trouble.

I admit, he is sensitive to a fault.
Sometimes way too sensitive.
But it works for us.
All we have to say is "Man, Shayne, that is disappointing, you really know better."

And instantly he will burst into tears.
THE SHAME! Oh, the heart-wrenching shame of disappointing my parents!

Gets him every time.

The other kids...not so much.

He is content to do pretty much anything.
Never complains.
And quite often will offer foot massages free of charge.
I am not making this up.

He is a really good kid.

He loves to jump rope. He has the forearms of a dairy farmer. He can jump rope for hours non-stop.

When he sets his mind to something, he really is dedicated, and sticks with it until he is really, really good at it.

He thinks he is going to be going to college on a jump rope scholarship.

Haven't had the heart to shatter that dream yet.

Maybe by then they will have something for him? If trampoline is an Olympic event, then who knows? Jump rope could be the next big thing! Yes?

So yesterday, during Dental Mardi Gras week here at the Wadley house (which by the way, I go AGAIN in about an hour...for the third day in a row, thankyouverymuch)
We discovered that Shayne and his severe under bite are going to need head gear.

Either that, or he will need to have his jaw broken, and re-set sometime in the future.

The poor kid.

He is already the jump rope nerd.

And now...he gets to sport this:

He is so good-natured, he didn't say much when I showed him what was in store for his face for the next 6-12 months.

He was just quiet, and shrugged, and sat down to dinner.

Which was pizza.

Again.

We have already threatened the other kids to NEVER TEASE HIM!!

But I am doubtful.

And secretly I am worried about that metal getting tangled up in his jump rope.

Maybe we can "cool" it up for him, like hang weapons from it, or an iPod?

Sigh.

The witch is in.

What age do you think is too old to go trick or treating?
I am leaning towards Junior High age.
But I really don't know what to do with Jayden this year.

I remember how bad my mom hated teenagers trick or treating at our house.
"It's just ridiculous!" she would say, "They should all have JOBS!"

So one year, she emptied out all of the little boxes of Junior Mints and Dots, and refilled those boxes with dried beans. Then she hot-glued the little boxes shut again, and put them in her fancy plastic Halloween bowl.

When the doorbell rang, she would answer, and depending on the age of the child, she would grab the appropriate bowl.

She would literally cackle, when those older kids would dig into the faux-candy bowl.
"Have a few! (my pretties......)

I think it was her funnest year ever...getting that payback.

So I guess that is why I am thinking Junior High is old enough.
We just fixed up all of Jayden's teeth, I can't imagine him chomping down on some dried beans from grandma's house.

Anti-Procrastination Day

Today I called the dentist.

The whole family, not just me, are overdue by six months.
We haven't been in for a year.
I have been meaning to set us all appointments.
Since school let out least year, actually.
Every time I would pick up the phone to call, I could hear the whir of the drill in my head, and the taste of that gaggy fluoride rinse disguised in a watery melon flavored backwash.
The smell!
My heart would start pounding, and I would get sweaty.
So I would put the phone down.
Shiver.
And walk away.
I know I am a wuss.
I just hate the dentist!

So today, I decided that it was either scrub bathrooms, or call the dentist.
BY HELMET! Something was going to GET DONE TODAY!
My toilets lost.

And get this:
They had a cancellation, and we are all going in TOMORROW!
Lucky? Nope.
Ugh.
I think it is the dental Gods knowing that if I had more than 24 hours, I would probably wuss out and cancel.

So whatever you do tomorrow, at least it is better than what I am going to be doing.

I am the new Ponica!

To say thank you to Cori (my friend who prettied up the blog) I took her to the gym class today.
I was her Ponica!
But really, I wasn't.

Cori is in better shape than me.
And she kicked my butt.

She was a little excited about seeing pants for herself.
She reads my blog.
Probably why she offered to change it up.

I haven't been to gym class for a couple weeks.
I am not going to lie, it was rough.

I am going back to bed, and maybe another hour of sleep will feel like I am starting my Saturday morning off better.

Ooooh, it's pretty over here!

I wanted to give a quick shout-out to my friend Cori.

You can all be thanking her for sprucing this blog up.
Her blog is always so stinking cute.
She offered to help me learn how to change my blog up.
She started somethingsomethingHMTLsomething...
My eyes glazed over.
It's that old dog/new trick thing.

I just gave her my sign-in and password. And she went to town.
It was so exciting!
Like being on Trading Spaces, and having the REVEAL!

I love it.
I am keeping it.
I wish she also did Home Decor, cause I still have a few rooms in the house that are suffering from the uglies.

Thanks Cori!

Scenes from Redneckville.

I finally had my phone with me this morning...and snapped a shot of this.

This fantastical mailbox happens to live on the route that I go running on.

I laugh every time.

Only in Utah.

And no, it doesn't sit in front of a double-wide trailer.

I am especially loving the rock in the basket to help counter-weigh it.

I am e-mailing this gem of DYI suburban crafting straight to Martha...

Happy Little Trees...

Another round of "I can't even make this stuff up."
Look who called me yesterday!

A cool picture I took yesterday.

We took an impromptu trip to the golf course to hit some balls on the driving range yesterday.

Incidentally, this was the first time I have ever driven a golf cart.

I think I need one of those.

I snapped this shot.

I thought it was cool.

Where is the wagon?

So since I was supposed to go on vacation last week, and instead took a home vacation...I have not been to the gym in a week.

I haven't been on the treadmill.

I haven't even walked to the mailbox.
That is what kids are for.

So needless to say, I am nice and soft now.
And my body has been all..."Hooray! The fluffy lady is back! Let's EAT again!"
And by "eat" what my body means is cravings for Candy Corn and Asphalt Pie from Wingers. And I guess if you are going to go to Wingers for the pie, you might as well get the Sticky Fingers Dinner, since you are already there.

Well, Ponica has also been on vacation this week.
She gets back today.
I am waiting for her to drop her bags and skip to the phone to verify that we are, indeed, heading to the Pump class tonight.

I have mixed feelings.

Amazing how after one week of couch-potato-ing, exercise seems so.....hard.
And after a week of non-exercise, junk food seems so.....good.
Also fat pants feel so....tight.

Senses

If you had to lose one of your five senses, which one would you choose?

I always thought that smell would probably be my pick, after living with my boys, and their socks and a husband who played Hockey. Are there any Hockey mom's out there? Seriously, there is not a worse smell in the world than Hockey stuff.

Then I realized how much I like smells.


That I pay extra for good smells, and how much even a new fabric softener can make me excited about LAUNDRY!

So here is my Ode to Smells that I like lately:

My first one is the Method line of dish soap.
Especially the Pink Grapefruit one. I don't mind washing the occasional pan now. With all that citrus-y foamy goodness...


And speaking of soaps...I love Bath and Body Works.
I love to go into their store in the mall, and go over to their little white sink, and just wash my hands. Try out the new fragrances, put on some new lotion...it's kinda weird, I know this. But my girls like it too. And my boys, although they pretend to grumble and stuff.

My favorite soap is the White Tea and Ginger. But those scent-decision-making BUTTS at Bath and Body Works have discontinued it.
BRING IT BACK!!
Please?




Here is another Bath and Body Works product.
I got this from Ponica for my birthday. At first I thought it smelled like a grandma. But I really like it now. It smells better on, than in the bottle, and the scent lasts a long time.
I use it.
My cuticles no longer look like fringe around my nails.
And I smell like a sexy grandma.



Why don't I just live at B&BW?
Yet another product. The Wallflowers.
And my favorite is Creamy Nutmeg. It is just a subtle spicy scent. It is pretty, but makes me crave cookies.
I have been baking a lot.







Sam almost will not buy this fabric softener because of the bear.
He hates this bear! I think he has some deep-rooted issues. Who can hate the Snuggle Bear?
It's cute!
It's fluffy-soft!

I am loving the new scents of the Exhilaration's line.
I love the White Lavender and Sandalwood.
I washed all my bedding last week, and all my blankets smell delicious.
I wish I could wash the couch.
That would be cool.







I don't use salon products on my hair.
Whew! I said it! I use cheap drugstore crap.
I like it.
It works for me.
My hair is durable. And dang if I don't really love the smell of Herbal Essences. I like all of them, and switch the scents up. Makes me happy in the morning.



And that is saying a lot.







Here is the perfume I wear.
My Mom and I found it one day at Kohls.
We were sniffing the perfumes.
Mom originally chose it for the bottle, but then we both chose it for it's soft floral fragrance that melts into the skin with soft notes of lotus flower, gardenia and pink peony, exotic blossoms such as tuberose, rose de mai, and orange flower enriched with musk, ambrette, and sandalwood. Heh.





And this is the body wash I love.
Again, cheap crap, but so yummy.
You will want to drink it. Resist that urge. I have it on good authority that it doesn't taste like it smells.
And it burns mouth canker sores.
So, there you have it. Why I just couldn't trade in my sense of smell.
Not for all the three-day-old socks in the world.

Cute girls.

I snapped some Senior pics the other day for the two cutest girls!
They scoped out the coolest location for the shoot.
They let me play with some weird camera angles.
It snowed on us! And they were troopers!
I hope I got a few shots that they liked...
They are on the swim team together:

We started the day out at the Haunted Bus in the Field:

Fun with photo-shop, some sepia and film grain. And this is the only time I have seen this girl without a full smile:
Hey! Let's take some pictures over by that yellow DUMPSTER! I like the color:
"C", you know this is your favorite pic! Hooray for graduation! She really wanted to to do these jump pictures...right?

Told you it was a cool place for a shoot!

Her dimples...seriously...love them!


200+ photos later, and I don't think we took any "bad" pictures of this girl:

So photogenic!

I feel old. Class of 2009. I was the class of coughcough1990cough...I am going to be wearing Depends soon, aren't I? Sigh...

Thanks girls! It was fun!